Help To Get Through Till Monday

[Rennie]

For those who do not know my work situation....I work in a mining camp, 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, so I am currently in the middle of the Australian desert along way from anywhere!

It's currently saturday and thank god I fly out Monday arvo as I am a wreck, yesterday it came to a head and I got into a really heated argument ( about something important ) I shouldn't have gotten so upset about, I ended up quietly sobbing in the one and only female toilet so the guys wouldn't know.

I am shaking and dissociating and I am soooo tired ( I could fall asleep right now ) even though I am sleeping 10 hrs each night, these 2 weeks I have remembered some very key things about my childhood that put everything into perspective and makes me question everything.

I am finding it near impossible to sit in the mess hall and eat with all the guys which makes my eating sporatic at best, I am doing a lot of eating in my room.

I just need some ideas to get me through to Monday arvo.....anything.

 

[RussH]

Rennie, just keep focused on the moment, and don't let the abuse of the past pull you in.
Try to remember the men you are working with are not tied to the abuse of your childhood.

Do you have any of the guys there that you are friends with, and trust? If so lean on them in terms of getting through the next couple of days, and just keep telling yourself; it is only a few more days.

 

[Justmehere]

That's tough. I'm glad you are reaching out. Try doing things that are grounding - like holding ice, taking slow deep breaths.

You can also try telling yourself you can sort out what came up "later." I know it sounds silly, but it can work. You can even visualize putting it in a giant box. Or sometimes I actually write down the subject in 3-5 words or less and I put it in an envelope. It helps my brain let go and wait for the right time to deal with it. If things keep coming up, keep reminding yourself to put it box in the box and save for "later."

 

[KwanYingirl]

Sorry to hear your situation. When I get like you are my therapist reminds me that my feelings aren't events, they are just feelings. Feelings come and go. The goal is to notice the feelings without over reacting to them. So, breathe in comfort, breathe out discomfort. You can write down what you're feeling. That will give you more control and perhaps insight into what is triggering you. Just two more days. Only a few men are to be feared. Do you have anyone to talk to?

 

[Sammyiam]

Hi Rennie,

I just read your post, you can get through this Rennie, even if you have to break your days down to smaller pieces. Get up and think ok I just have to make it to morning tea break, then I just have to make it to lunch and so on. I know this is going to sound dumb but have you got your hat making stuff with you try doing that it will take your mind off things. Arguments make everyone sad and unhappy even with no PTSD so it makes it even worse when you have PTSD, try and ground yourself and do anything that takes your mind off things, I know the internet isn't very good there but try and know we are thinking of you and you have a lot of friends on here thinking about you. Please take care of your self you can do it Rennie I know you can stay strong.

Sammy

 

[Rennie]

Thanks so much RussH, JustMeHere, KwanYingirl for replying. Well the day is almost over, the last thing I have left to do is go and eat in the mess hall.

I feel terrible for getting so over the top cross and upset with my co worker yesterday, the subject we were disagreeing about is important to the work and does need to be sorted out but there is no way I need to end up storming out and end up huddled in the toilet crying - I completely undermined myself.

RussH I keep reminding myself that the guys here are great guys but I am having visual hallucination as well as the flashbacks so its making it very hard to tell reality for fiction iykwim.

Thankyou so much Sammy I am making my hat, it is helping, I just have to get through tomorrow and Monday. Then I am taking 6 weeks annual leave to try and get my head on straight.

Okay deep breath I am going to go now and eat then come straight back to my room, where I feel safe.

Thankyou again for all the replies, it just helps knowing there are people who understand.

 

[Sammyiam]

You can do it Rennie, just keep knitting and staying calm why you can, don't let your past ruin your future and just think of home and how great it is going to be to get back home. It is just so hard and especially away from home and your loved ones. Just remember they will be there for you when you get back on Monday then you get 6 weeks off. Just think two more sleeps, that's all two more sleeps take care Rennie I will be thinking of you

Sammy

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Rennie
I'm new here.

At boarding school (thirty something years ago), when things were particularly rough, and crying didn't feel like a safe option, I used to tell myself that I would cry later, in private, when I felt safer. I don't know if that is considered healthy (this is the first time I've ever shared it), but it got me through some tough days.

Mining does tend to attract a variety of rugby or aussie Rules playing, lad-ish and aspie types (big trucks to play with, holes to dig, big blasts, poorly process plant to nurse... and not many emotions to have to deal with )

Almost all of them do have soft centres, which, though usually well guarded, they will, occasionally show.

If you do have anyone there who is likely to react in a nasty manner to tears, your other colleagues are likely to already be looking for ways to minimise contact, or get away from the guy [rant] there's a good hard figures business case for managers to replace anyone like that, as soon as possible - they cost the business far more in lost experience, skills and sick leaves and self serving BS information to management, than they'll ever contribute; malignant narcissists and psychopaths are never a benefit - they're always an unmitigated cost, wherever they are [/rant].

Even if the guys avoid visibly showing sympathy for you at the time - rest assured that they'll be feeling it.

Your own feelings of guilt and hiding while you sobbed, show that your tears are certainly not a weapon, far from it, and if the guys ever see them, I'm pretty sure that they'll recognize them as real sadness.

Reading about your hat, had me melting.

A huge hug to help you make it (both the hat and to Monday).

 

[Davidg]

I am sending you well wishes and will keep you in my thoughts, you can make it through. If I can help please let me know.

 

[Rennie]

Thank all, sitting here it's Sunday 5:36am and my ride will leave for the yard in 20 minutes.

Hard night last night. Went to sleep as per normal hoping to just sleep myself into oblivion but que nightmare, was coping okay but then the guy in the room next door to me obviously had a bad dream and started yelling at like 1am - all that noise had be cowering, he quietened down but just far too much stimulation to go back to sleep.

*big sigh* I will get through this, tomorrow evening I will be on a flight home, back to the stressors of home but also the ability to know every escape route no matter were I am.

Thanks again all for replying, just having you guys out there helps.