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Sexual Assault He's In My Mouth Again :(

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I can feel him, like a body memory. This happens a lot but I'm really nervous more about it because I seem to be having Acid Re-flux and I'm scared they are going to want to stick a camera down me and that would just make me flip out. Also have been avoiding the dentist for a few years and almost never brush my teeth. I have trouble eating hardboiled eggs and hotdogs if I don't chop them up into tiny pieces. Will this ever stop? I don't know how much more I can handle. :(
 
I have the same feeling with my abuser but it makes me react differently. It made me obsessed with my oral health because to me it feels unclean. I am constantly flossing, and brushing my teeth and using mouthwash and going to the dentist as a way to get rid of him in my mouth.
 
I have this problem too. I was diagnosed with silent reflux (two years after being diagnosed with PTSD) and I have trouble eating anything other than baby food and soup because when I eat the sensations in the back of my throat feel intrusive in the same way it felt with my abuser. I am so sorry that you struggle with this too. You are not alone.
 
I used to be terrified of the dentist and of eating certain kinds of foods.

I did some EMDR and challenged those thoughts I was having.

For example, I can now trust a dentist of any gender. I started by thinking of when I've had to help kittens and puppies, or my bird, or lizards, or whatever else, medical care. They're always terrified of me, a human. So I talk quietly and assure them that if they cooperate just a little more, it'll be over more quickly and I promise not to hurt them intentionally.

I started channeling that same kind of love at myself while a dentist works and when I had that surprise surgery by a sympathetic doctor (I've had unnecessary "surgeries" as part of trauma, so it was especially difficult...)

After a while? It worked. I get compliments for how still I am. And this time it's not because of dissociating.

I never forced myself to get over anything, though. I just worked with me in a patient way. If I couldn't handle something, then that was that.

It's medical things that I worry about more, like how to get my teeth cleaned. If I didn't like to eat certain foods or eat them certain ways, well that doesn't hurt anything, so just let it be until some other time :)
 
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