Undiagnosed Hi, Coastguard Officer, Bit Of A Mess.

[Privateer]

Thankyou!

 

[a3a2]

None of these things sound very minor to me.....NO ONE deserves to be bullied. NO ONE deserves to be raped. And a helecopter crash is certainly a big deal. Throw in near death as a child and life changing illness and injuries....time to see a therapist and get some help.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Wanda]

Coastguard,

What you are experiencing is what all of us who have PTSD experience. I was molested by family members as a child and as a Psych Tech had a patient hang herself. I put it away for many years until one day my boss said one word "ineffective" and it brought all the flash backs to me. I have been in therapy since Feb this year and know with my counselor and psychiatrist I will make it. Take one day at a time, one step at a time. I cried for 4 days before I could see my counselor nonstop. I am now on long term disability from my company.

I have found writing down my experiences are a way of being able to close the book on each and every flashback I have dealt with.....many things are like I put them away in a big trunk in an attic and now Pandora's box is open.

Welcome to the best place to be!

 

[nimkekaa]

I think that you have a case of the straw that broke the camel's back. You have been through a lot in your life and maybe the latest thing wasn't the biggest but you have come to your limit of what you can carry.

Don't appologize for how your feelling. Your feelings are what they are. Just know that they are telling you something. I think that you realize this and that is why you have joined this forum. It's a strong and couragous step.

Also if I might comment on not wanting to bother your wife as she has her own problems comment. I have ptsd and many of my own problems but I still want my hubby to share his with me. I usually know when he is struggling with something anyway and just feel left out if he isn't sharing a least a little of it. We have come to an understanding that if either one of us is overwhelmed with the other's problems then we tell each other and take a break. This is when I would talk to my friends or sister more. I think a healthy relationship is a two way street with honest communication on limits ect. Don't shut your wife out but let her know that she can tell you if she is getting overwhelmed. Just my thoughts.

I think that you will find everyone very supportive here and there is lots of information is you look around. Welcome!

 

[Loner]

Hi, guys.

I'm not sure about posting this. I know I'm probably going to come across as a complete drama queen and a time waster, but I need to let this out. It'll most likely be my only post, so please bear with me.
I'll give you a bit of background first:

.

Hahahahahaha, sorry to laugh at you, but thats only funny because its someone practically everyone says in their introduction, no matter how bad of stuff they have been through. Seriously, go look at them, everyone says that.

Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a bit. In reality it sounds like you have been through plenty enough to give you ptsd.

On another note, I love aviation, I hope to be a helicopter pilot someday. I admire you for your abilities and for risking your life to help others.

 

[Privateer]

Thanks, guys.

There's really very little risk in my job, which makes me feel like a complete fraud for even daring to think I might have PTSD or anything like it. I mean, I feel like I haven't 'earned' it, if you see what I mean?

 

[KP the nut]

I feel like I haven't 'earned' it, if you see what I mean?

No-one has earned it. PTSD is PTSD regardless of the trauma involved. We connect because of our symptoms not because of our traumas. Some traumas may be similar but no 2 people react the same.

Just take your time, baby steps, day by day.

 

[Privateer]

I'm sorry. There's just a part of me that keeps telling me very emphatically that only good people get it. Innocent victims, war heroes, brave lifesavers, those kind of people.

Not cowardly scum like me.

My friends keep telling me I'm brave or even 'badass'. I'm not. Not at all. I'm just trying to earn the right to be alive because in my mind I'm forever that stupid, weak, fat kid who had it coming.

I'm really, really sorry. I'm not having a good day today.

 

[NarcSis]

KP has it right, PTSD is neither reward or punishment, it's merely a sign to let you know your 'mental attic' is stuffed full so you need to clear out some of the cob webs.

How you feel is neither right, wrong or to be negated, it is merely how you feel and does not reflect on the person you are. It's Ego trying to cope in the face of adversity, at your basest core, you are human and all humans feel emotion. Don't punish yourself for it and don't negate or judge how you are feeling, just surf through those waves, keep your chin up and be easier on yourself.

Walk this journey courageously, there are many here who understand.

 

[p-no]

Wishing you a better day tomorrow, Privateer.
Take good care.