Homework - finding positive counterpoints to negative self views

[shatter eyes]

It is easier to be kind to others than to be kind to ourself.

I was told it is NOT YOU it is what happenned to you. You are valuable and have many things to live for. I found it very hard to hear and absorb.

I also had done a group session before where at the end we would all write something positive about another member. It was eye opening to hear positive things after being so beaten down.

I deeply and completely love and accept myself" (or variations).

I practiced this too and at first while it feels very awkward creepy but it slowly gets better to say. Same with the mirror homework of saying i love you while looking at urself in mirror x3.

 

[mumstheword]

I have found I really have to "earn" my own self regard and self acceptance and esteem. It has taken doing lots of stuff to earn that; coupled with it, is finding kind people who see me in a positive light and distancing myself from non-kind people.

 

[blackemerald1]

It was eye opening to hear positive things after

Yes I agree with @shatter eyes ^^ it is very difficult to accept hearing nice words or compliments towards myself but I am great at giving them and I really think when I see someone do something I think needs acknowledgement - I am probably the first to step up and say good job.

Then everyone else joins in... and they are the normal ones:giggle:

 

[Still Standing]

It is easier to be kind to others than to be kind to ourself.

Yes, it much easier to encourage and be kind to others. And I seem to be a magnet. Since in high school, even though most had no idea of the abuse I was going through, came to me like I was the school counsleor. I was a good listener and good advisor. Abuse must do that to us. We can relate to their hurts, struggles, and confusion and advise them to a better solution while offering comfort and encouragement...everything our own hearts long for. So giving is really easy: receiving, not so much. It was/is easier to help and be kind to someone else. BUT, when the tables are turned and I am the one in need, the distrust and disbelief and pride step between me and whoever is trying to compliment or encourage me. It is hard to accept the nice things they think they see in me and want to say. And there is a part of me that perpetuates the abusive lies myself in that if I reject all the good and nice things said to me, it furthers the punishment that I deserve. In a sense I take off where my abusers left off. So, yes, it is very hard to see or accept good things in myself. I just know how rotten I really am. BUT, this is being challenged and change is in the air. The trick is getting it stay in my brain!

I was told it is NOT YOU it is what happenned to you. You are valuable and have many things to live for. I found it very hard to hear and absorb.

uhhhhh....the mirror thing.....no can do. :eek: That intimidates the beejeebers out of me!!!!!! Oh my!!!! Just the thought......!!!!!!!! YIKES~~:nailbiting::nailbiting::nailbiting:

 

[blackemerald1]

@Still Standing I totally agree^^^ I have such a hard tome being as kind to myself as I am to other's. Yet it is what my heart longs for.

I could not do the mirror exercise either.

But I am making progress...doing good things for myself. Eg regular exercise, regular food and other things.

Sometimes I have to kick myself to get up and do things for myself.
Often I am frustrated with myself. I don't know what I am waiting for. Whose permission do I need? Idk.

 

[Freida]

How does one list out positive counterpoints to negative self views and mean it? I have such a HUGE problem with being untruthful and pretending.

Will it hurt your feelings if I tell you that I busted up laughing when I read this?? :hug::hug: As most of the responses showed -- you are nothing if not normal here. My T has been trying for YEARS to get me to buy into that crap -- with very little luck. At first I thought I was the only one who failed cognition change 101 --- then I came here and found out how common it is.

but -- there is some truth to the neuro-lingistic programming part. Fake it till you make it. If you repeat it long enough it starts to stick in your brain like a foreign language and eventually you will believe the meaning behind the words. Eventually. So they say.
In the meantime..... we all commiserate with each other and hope some day we figure it out:happy:

 

[Still Standing]

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao: Ok, Freida, you made me laugh, too. My mind went right to the other extreme! IF I get to the point of believing that I am wonderful, beautiful, kind, (and skinny, thrown in for good measure) good, smart, etc. at what point does the counter balance to these positives come into play? If I make it a habit telling myself I am all these good things and believe them, when is it too much? Then the pendulum starts to swing into the narcissistic range and I will have to trot back into counseling to counter THAT???? :eek::eek::roflmao: Oh my, I knew things were looking pretty hopeless....:roflmao:

 

[Freida]

LOL!!!! get out of my head!!!!!:wacky::p:laugh::laugh: