General How am i supposed to be supportive when i now too need the support?

[Elliedee]

Hi all
I'm a long term supporter of my DH who has had long-standing depression since childhood and six years ago was diagnosed with bipolar. He attempted to take his life twice, once in 2010 and once in 2012. He's had CBT and been on meds for a long time and I do everything I can to support him and make him feel wanted and loved.
I've lived with the mood swings, the silences, the tears and I'm usually very understanding but at the moment I'm struggling with PTSD after a traumatic few months (see my post in introductions) and I just don't think I can be that supporter at the moment. I need him to not only support me but himself.... I hate confrontation but at the moment he's opposing to anything and everything (from what to have for dinner to who can come to the house) and it's not helping my already low mood!

Any advice from supporters who've ended up needing to be the supported?

Thanks for reading

 

[Renestel]

Hi E-

Sorry you are running on empty right now, I totally am there too much and understand where you are at.
I am more so labeled a sufferer on this site, but have made a lot of progress in the last two years so I would love to give you an opinion that kind of stradles the fence. I learned several years ago because Im naturally a giver, that theres a quote somewhere out there about how if your tank is empty, you literally can not give to anyone else. I have learned that planning and dedicating specific days of the month to myself are CRITICAL. You can get a massage, go on a hike, sit in the sun and read, swim, meditate. * * *Also want to say if you are feeling like you are sinking with PTSD there is nothing wrong with saying you want your own therapy sessions too--Do whatever fills you and "fills your tank". You're significant other needs to understand this. They (and you ) need to also understand it is not selfish, it's necessary. Once you are back to medium to full, will you be able to provide proper help and support to others.
Now on another point, you saying the part about opposition about meals and who comes in and not-- that might also be a good time to "do your thing". When I get in my moods my husband sometimes just goes fishing or if Im really into my personal space with the house he will meet someone to play games at their house. As long as you guys thoroughly communicate you should be able to work something out. It should be a give and take. Not just you giving and going on empty. <3

 

[Deleted member 44240]

My ex chose to walk out of my life completely back at the end of November. I suppose he was isolating at the time and I didn’t hel by later betraying his trust which is a biggie I know. However, the betrayal was due to him going no contact. I thought we at least had a solid enough friendship in order to work through any situation, but I guess not.
I came to this forum to seek solace and insight on my feelings and why I should hang in there and continue to reach out to him and repair what we had. I’ve gotten mixed responses with some saying he’s just not into you; walk away. Or, give him time maybe he’ll come around. I’ve reached out and he’s responded very little with very little feeling. I know he’s got a lot on his plate and being vulnerable can be dangerous to him. I definitely could use support like you wouldn’t believe.

 

[Sweetpea76]

One of the really sucky parts of being a supporter is that sometimes your partner isn't capable of supporting you when you need it.

Sometimes you have to look elsewhere for help and support.