Relationship How Can I Help Him Sleep (without Keeping Myself Up)?

[rainbowraven]

I am engaged to a great guy who suffers from PTSD.

Lately I haven't been getting enough sleep, he wakes me up with night terrors or his teeth grinding and the list goes on.

I want to find something that can help him without driving me to sleep on the couch. Anything will help at this moment.

I just don't want his PTSD to get between us, I love him too much to throw our relationship away.

 

[Springer80]

I used to want my fiance to massage me, to try and calm my heart rate down and relieve the painful tension in my muscles. I had lots of baths, I smoked dope for a bit before bed to sleep. Stroking my head, temples etc...just very gentle things to try and calm the heart.

Take as many stimulants/depressants out of your diet as possible, sugary stuff, caffine etc, this is often tough cos ptsd'ers can often become dependent on using a food in a reactionary way rather than a supportive way.

Also I know you say you dont want it to drive a wedge...but if he's stressing about affecting your sleep and he can't do much to relive his own inability to get rest....well maybe if you discuss options...like you could go to bed together but its fine/understandable if one of leaves the bed in the night. Or you go to bed together and a few nights a week you try sleeping separately on occasion? I'm not saying it would help definitely but talking about it would.

Could you afford or have room for a bigger bed maybe?

I'd just tell him you want to help ease this for him and ask/discuss what could you both do?

 

[Onigokko]

A new matress to relieve the tossing/turning shaking of the bed could help, as well as running a loud fan or something for white noise.

 

[rainbowraven]

Thanks! I'll see what I can do. It's funny that you say massage, I am currently going for my Massage Therapy License. Caffeine is something we are trying to get him off of. Thanks again for the advice I know it can't be easy for either of us but it's something we have to do.

 

[AlterEgo]

This is right up my alley. I also have a very, very difficult time falling and staying asleep. If I can get 4 hours of sleep at night I'm over joyed. I grit my teeth to the point I have a headache, I kick my legs constantly, and sometimes I punch the bed or the air like I am fighting. The only thing that has ever helped me was Ambien but I quickly became too dependent. I now put my headphones in with rain sounds, river sounds, or anything that calms me down. I shouldn't be giving advise, due to the fact I also have issues with extensive use of my head phones.

You can find apps for his cell phone or just about anywhere to download. Just a thought to try.

 

[Springer80]

I know it sounds a bit rubbish, but deep breathing techniques oxygenate the muscles and may help with the effects of adrenaline. A night light might help too, well at least if he wakes up he can orientate himself. Oh and I got a head massager, its got three bulb like things sticking out of it and the shivers it sends through your scalp and jaw might help him with his bruxism (teeth/jaw clenching).

A trip to the chiropractors would help too,...to crack all those muscles and bones back into place after holding them so tight.

 

[Sunshine71]

I drop some lavender oil on his pillow and stroke his for head.

When he has a flashback he smells the oil from the car so a horrible smell so I try to see if a new smell can help xxx

 

[Springer80]

Don't dismiss the smell thing, the olfactory system is one of the oldest parts of the brain and was evolutionary very important. The bottom of the feet might be a good part to try and use in some way to orientate.

 

[AlterEgo]

Having been to several fatal traffic accidents, I know exactly what that smell is. Its kind of like a burnt oil / burning plastic smell. It is a unique smell that you will never forget.