How Do I Tell My Partner?

[zed3mm]

Growing up my father terrorized my mother, brother, and I with severe emotional abuse. I moved away at 18 (7 years ago) and unfortunately my other family members still live with him. My mom thinks he's a monster, but that it makes sense that we all use him for his money, reparations so to speak.
I was always the one who stood up to him of the 3 of us, and visits home are usually very stressful. Also involve some blowouts between he and I, I get so volatile, and it angers me thats my other family members still have to put up with him..

Anyways..My partner of 3 years has never been out to Vancouver, and really wanted to visit with me this time. But he isn't aware of the actual situation at home. He is super supportive, and he is so amazing to me.. but I have trouble anytime I try to explain the emotional abuse inflicted on me for 18 years. It's all this shame I carry, and it has taken me so long to admit even to myself that I lived with abuse.

How do you explain a situation like that to someone? Especially someone you've been in a relationship with for 3 years. I have so much anxiety surrounding the vulnerability of the situation. I don't want him to understand all my cracks/flaws. I most of all don't want to seem like a victim.. even though I am. It feels like such a private thing I have carried my whole life.. I don't want to share it. But I really want him to spend time with the family I love, and to see the beauty in the city I grew up in. But I definitely need to warn him somehow... I am just really struggling with how.. Any experiences of yours that I can draw inspiration from would be very appreciated! I have a month until we leave.

 

[zed3mm]

Also I'm sorry I posted this in the supporter section, if that is the wrong place.. If someone moves it somewhere else, I totally get that! Maybe to rephrase my question, you could explain a successful way in which someone was able to tell you about their ptsd? The idea is too stressful to wrap my mind around.

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's all good... I moved it to the PTSD Relationship section for you. That way you're likely to get better advice.

My two cents as a supporter though, just be honest with him. I'd sit him down and tell him everything you're comfortable with sharing. You said he's super supportive, odds are he will be supportive about this too.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Oh this is difficult I don't know you or your partner and so I obviously don't know how will take this information.

For me when I said to my s/o about my family before we went to visit the first time. I definitely wouldn't do it the way I did. I said prepare yourself because my family is f*cking nuts, he laughed and I was like no I'm serious they're totally mental. This basically worried the shit out of my s/o and I could've done it better.
Of course they were on best behaviour as abusers generally do when introduced to people out with the circle of terror. Then he was like they're fine I don't know what you're talking about. Smh

I think what sweet pea says sounds good. Explain as much as you want to be vague if you prefer. How long are you going to stay?

 

[moshpitmunkey]

I'm in a similar situation where I am still continuously dealing with emotional abuse and come from a past of abuse generally, my partner is coming in a few months to visit and I have not told them about the "horrors" of my life in full details. My therapist has advised me not to discuss it with them as to not put her between the mess I suppose. So I understand you not wanting your boyfriend to know all your flaws and see all your cracks. It's very hard to open up about such a thing even in small increments. Perhaps like the others have said, keep it vague or say whatever is most comfortable and helps him understand any kind of limitations, triggers, or what have you without fully going into detail. Really wishing you the best