Relationship How Do I Walk Away Without Him Hurting Himself

[sassyblewe]

I need help, big time. I've dated this guy with PTSD for about two years. Back in November I found out he was cheating on me and I dumped him. In January we decided to be friends.

We haven't seen each other since November, but lately he's been trying to fall into the relationship mode on the phone. I put my foot down about a month ago and said we were just friends and would be nothing more and since then we have been fighting.

Also I don't talk to him as much anymore. I go out with friends, stay with my boyfriend, travel for work. I can't stay on the phone with him all night every night like we did when we were together, which is what he wants.

Well the night before last I went out with friends for one of their birthdays. He was having a really bad day, flashbacks and stuff, and he wanted me to go straight home and help him through it. I said no because I couldn't drive. He blew up, trying to guilt trip me over and over again, which made me mad because I knew it was just his way of trying to manipulate me. So I stood my ground and stopped texting him back. He said he was going to leave forever if I didn't go home and I told him that was his choice.

Well the next day he texted me. And once again started trying to guilt trip me for not going home to talk to him, saying I was turning my back and abandoning him, and I just said I wanted a life and wanted to see my friends and didn't want to be tied down to him 24/7. He went on with more guilt trips, and when I still refused to call him, he told me if I didn't call him he was going to pull the trigger.

I freaked out and told his sister, then called him. He went straight to screaming and crying at me, cussing me out, and i could hear him loading a gun in the background. It took everything I had to calm him down, while his sister went out frantically searching for him. But it scared me.

He isn't in therapy or taking meds. He says they don't work but I really think it's more of a pride thing. I think his sister wants to admit him to a hospital this time. He has shot himself before. All I know is I can't watch this man kill himself. It's tearing me apart. But both me and his sister are terrified if I leave he's going to really do it. I've been like his therapist for almost 3 years now, but he's become too dependent on me. I told her she needed to take him to a hospital, I just need help figuring out the best way to break away from the situation. I feel trapped and I want to get away.

Last night was the last straw, I have no idea what I would've done if I heard that gun go off on the other end of that phone. How do I get away from this?

 

[sassyblewe]

It would be different if he was getting help, but he refuses all of it. He said his sister would have to call the cops to get him to go to a hospital, because otherwise he wouldn't

 

[Justmehere]

Saying to someone something like, "if you don't call me, I'm going to pull the trigger" is a very serious statement and it is absolutely not on you to save him or stay connected with him just so he won't end his life. If fact, it won't even really help him live, but delay the help he needs.

Your concerns are very legitimate, and I would feel really concerned and want to be cautious as well.

Continuing to stay connected to him just so he won't end his life isn't actually going to prevent him from killing himself. If he is that sucidial, anything could happen that he could react to that way, and he could take his life anyhow.

Please call the suicide crisis line and tell them he has made these statements in the past few days and you want to set a boundary to walk away from him, but you reasonably fear he will react by taking his life. They are the best ones to help yiu handle this and get him the help he needs to stay alive, even without you in his life. This is not the first time nor the last time they have dealt with this type of situation where someone says "don't leave or I will kill myself."

After contacting them, then you can rest in the fact that everything possible was done to get him help so he could live and your walking away was to not enable his delay in getting more help for his symptoms and try to rely instead on guilting you to stay in his life.

 

[BlueDream]

I totally agree with @Justmehere
Please call.

 

[Casey_03]

Call the police on him next time he does this and tell them he's threatening suicide. They will take him in and likely admit him. Tough love, but it's the only way to get through to him that this behavior is not acceptable. What he's doing isn't PTSD, it's emotional manipulation and emotional abuse. PTSD is no excuse for it. Threatening to take his life just to keep control over you is unacceptable. AND it's counterproductive to his recovery for you to tolerate it in any way. So don't tolerate it, cut him off completely. Tell him firmly that you can no longer handle such stunts and that he needs help. Then change your number if you have to, or block him. You are not obligated to help him and the longer you stay in his life, the worse it is for you both. I know you say you have told him to leave you alone and you have been firm, but you need to be even firmer and cut ties completely. Block him. I say this as someone who was in the same situation for years and it ended horribly because I didn't put my foot down when I should have.

 

[Stickler]

He needs to be in a hospital, hon.
You can't keep him alive, they can.

 

[BlueDream]

As someone with PTSD, I would never knowingly put another person through trauma. (Listening to someone kill themselves) He is a very selfish person to do this along with the other stuff he has done.

 

[rightkindofme]

As someone with serious PTSD... that's not ok. We can't hold people hostage. That's psychological abuse. If you don't want to be in a relationship with this person, block their phone number on your phone. I might even change email addresses.

Someone who wants you to give up your health/safety for theirs does not have your best interests at heart.

 

[EveHarrington]

I believe you should call the police and tell them exactly what you told us. I know our state suicide line is located a few hours away. They'd probably just call the local authorities anyway. It sounds like he needs to be sectioned for his own safety.

 

[a3a2]

Quickly. You walk away quickly. Better yet, run.

 

[void]

I need help, big time. I've dated this guy with PTSD for about two years. Back in November I found ou...

The above advice is sound.:tup:

Health and LE officials need to get between you two and take over dealing with him so you can walk away and be free.

He is violating you and abusing you by his behavior. There is no excuse. His suffering does not justify causing you to suffer.

If there is a chance that he could harm YOU....... ie. murder/suicide......... YOU must protect yourself from that possibility. He is drowning and drowning people can pull the rescuer under in their panic. Protect YOU.

I don't wish to create fear, but that does happen and your safety is the highest concern.

Please keep us posted:hug:

 

[Sweetpea76]

Block him. You are not in a relationship with him anymore, and this is not what friends do to each other. You may warn his sister, but it seems like it's time for a clean break.