Sideways
Moderator
ACT has been incredibly helpful to me learning how to coexist with really painful or uncomfortable emotions - I hear you:)ACT would suggest that using mindfulness to simply be aware of the thoughts/emotions, is enough.
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ACT has been incredibly helpful to me learning how to coexist with really painful or uncomfortable emotions - I hear you:)ACT would suggest that using mindfulness to simply be aware of the thoughts/emotions, is enough.
but when I tried to say how bad things are I ended up talking about how I realise how difficult everything is for everyone in the company.
I think actively wanting to understand the source of emotions is, surely, a liberating intention.
I am of the mindset that "The truth shall set you free". So that is not just being aware but being aware of what something means.
I am not in the mindset of dogmatically adhering to any ideology, because that limits you. And saying that "distraction" is, perhaps a negative? No, i think distraction a necessary ploy, at times. It has its place.
We are here to use our intellectual capacity. We are here to bring love into it (life), we are here to learn to transcend fear, and to understand it's purpose and become wise.
But, also,I am more discerning and knowing what I want and so, because of that and my various limitations pertaining to my life situation, as well as the climate of the situation we all are dealing with, I am having A LOT of barriers and hold ups with getting T.
I don't post a whole lot, but if I could super like this I would it is so me!!! I am a supporter of a Combat Vet with PTSD who have dated off and on for 4 years now. He has some anger and control issues I am seeing the closer we get.@osiris For me, I totally get the issue....Self-reliance is a great skill....but it has it's downsides. For me, it allows me to stay more isolated. Success and failure are all my own.....that's great when something works....and a ego smasher when it doesn't. Most of all, it takes more time to do everything myself. Teamwork can be a great feeling.....if you can manage your own part.....without feeling the compulsion to manage everyone else's part of a job or project-or criticize them because they didn't do it your way. That is off-putting and creates social issues......been there...done that.
Then there is the needing and asking for help.....which can quickly in my head translates to being needy........which are two different things. Neediness causes me serious issues in life where I get wrapped up with dysfunctional folks..........and at some point, is the pivotal behavior that precedes some type of major trauma....so that is a hard one there to separate.
I feel I have to be super independent......because independence is the key to control...
Accepting help unconditionally..... means I have to trust the others....not to screw up and not criticize. Once I found it was possible to completely trust one person (and I have).....realizing that I wasn't destined to be screwed over by them.....and really trusted they'd be there and have my best interest at heart, I could see that possibility in others. On the other hand, the cautious me thinks the safer route is to trust only one person....right? If I let trust become commonplace, well......I'll be vulnerable and slack in the vigilance department.........and get hurt again.
For me, this whole accepting help is so wrapped up with other distorted thoughts and beliefs........but I have realized in the last 6 months, that I have to accept people's help in order to be able to function adequately in life. I ask as little as possible....and keep big boundaries......It has gotten much better in the last few years...
Changing thinking about this topic, is I believe, critical to becoming more healthy. Tackling this one is a game changer in my opinion. Kudos to you for giving it a go!
My parents -also military, but so am I- are just like that. My mom deliberately blocked me from getting emergency medical disability when I was sick because “that’s for people without families”. NO MOM. It’s for people, just like me, who are single parents, losing their ability to work & pay rent, due to sudden devastating illness. It’s designed to help people stay independent, and get back on their feet as quickly as possible... instead of being homeless, jobless, broke, and sick... sleeping on their mom’s couch or the street. But since my mom signed financial responsibility waivers at the hospital -against my will- it was suddenly THEIR income & assets that were needed to qualify, not my own. So I lost everything. My job, my loft, my independence, my ability to get back on my feet at all. Because of their bullshit ideas of what help is & is for.He said how could I take advantage of the system when I could take his money at one point accused me of being stupid and ignorant. Basically made me feel awful. He has been kind of argumentative since
Thank you @Friday! I am pretty sure it is a control issue with him and he is having a hard time with his son not wanting to do the contractor business with him. He has known me since my divorce and threw in my face the bankruptcy i had to file with it in our fight tonight as well as I should be driving a $1,000 car instead of the 2013 Hyundai I was able to buy with a cash settlement from it. He was speaking to me like I was his kid or a military buddy. Total Asshat! I have struggled since my divorce never ask anyone for anything except my Dad insisting to pay for my lawyer. Now that I found my dream of Being a Female Barber and mind you he incouraged it. I think he is afraid he is going to loose me to another man and it slipped out one night. So maybe his money thing is his way of keeping me in his clutches but who knows that is another story.My parents -also military, but so am I- are just like that. My mom deliberately blocked me from getting emergency medical disability when I was sick because “that’s for people without families”. NO MOM. It’s for people, just like me, who are single parents, losing their ability to work & pay rent, due to sudden devastating illness. It’s designed to help people stay independent, and get back on their feet as quickly as possible... instead of being homeless, jobless, broke, and sick... sleeping on their mom’s couch or the street. But since my mom signed financial responsibility waivers at the hospital -against my will- it was suddenly THEIR income & assets that were needed to qualify, not my own. So I lost everything. My job, my loft, my independence, my ability to get back on my feet at all. Because of their bullshit ideas of what help is & is for.
If you qualify? Then the help offered IS for people just like you. And good on you for seizing opportunities to make the best of your life.
If other people want to help on top of that? Awesome! But getting mad that you’re seeking your own assistance? Is total bullshit.