How do you deal with someone that really irritates you?

[Teasel]

It's not someone I'm in a relationship with or family, just someone in the same women's refuge as me. So keeping things civil is worth bothering with.

She has EUPD, kicks off at anything and everything, and it helps me to remember that. I dont want to be friends or anything, just minimise how very irritated I get, and learn how to let it go and not give her so much space in my head.

Grateful for hearing how you deal with such situations / tips
Ta

 

[intothelight]

With difficult people, I just minimize the interactions I have with them. When I do interact, it is simple, polite and then done. For your own peace of mind, keep the thought the situation is temporary and soon you will have a place of your own. Remind yourself so she doesn't get into your head.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks @intothelight :)

 

[Survivor3]

What's EUPD?

 

[Mee]

I try to protect myself with minimal contact and being really polite when contact is required. I find if I am other than pretty perfectly polite I excuse their behaviour towards me and blame myself.

 

[Friday]

What's EUPD?

PD = Personality Disorder
EUPD = Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder /// BPD (Borderline)

It’s a difference in how the ICD & DSM classify things

Types of borderline personality disorder - Mental Health UK

mentalhealth-uk.org

How do you deal with someone that really irritates you?

General irritation? >>> Avoiding being irritated at all? Humour. Always.

She has EUPD, kicks off at anything and everything,

Take no shit.

The adult version of “If you whine? You don’t get what you want.”
IE BOUNDARIES.

Kicking off for attention of any kind? Picking a fight, sympathy, guilt trips, lashing out, making themselves feel better by shitting on others, and every other flavour of PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! Shrug and walk away. Leave the room, leave the house, leave the city… however far I need to go to get that Ah! Sense of relief.

Kicking off to get rid of me? I go toe to toe or I call the police and let them go toe to toe.

Take. No. Shit.

someone in the same women's refuge as me

Having been abused gives no one the right to abuse others.

If there is an abuser in the refuge, that needs sorting. That’s what staff is for. If staff isn’t doing their job, kick it up the chain. Abusers prey on abuse victims because they’re easy targets. Victims won’t speak up 99:100, and are easily guilted and shamed into accepting any kind of mistreatment as their fault, or something they “should” feel pity for, or excuse because of “fill in the blank reasons” etc.

Again? Take no shit. No one in the refuge deserves to be abused, and escalating behaviour when the refuge isn’t staffed? Is deliberate abuse. 999, if the refuge won’t protect you & the others being preyed upon… nor… get someone who needs inpatient help the level of supervision they need to keep themselves or others safe.

 

[Teasel]

I find if I am other than pretty perfectly polite I excuse their behaviour towards me and blame myself.

Understand. I found myself in that trap for some years with my ex. Grareful I got past it but it did cost me a lot to learn not to do it.

Feels like a trap that still pulls on me, just doesnt pull me near as far as it used to.

Humour. Always.

Hunour's good

Shrug and walk away. Leave the room

Learned to do this with my ex.

Here we go again.

 

[Teasel]

Think I might develop a mantra. Or two or three

 

[Teasel]

Contemplating writing an irritation haiku has fair tickled me. Didn't even need to write the thing.

 

[internal]

She has EUPD, kicks off at anything and everything, and it helps me to remember that.

ha, ha, hello. if you actually do not like this person and have no desire of being her friend the best option is grey rocking. this pretty much works on any person but it is specefically recommended for cluster b. essentelly it is do not react. do not reach out on your own. nod and say "m-hm" or "yes i see."

do not offer any things that creates emotionel burden of you. (i.e. support, things like that.) some times i just say "oh i see what you mean." and then move on. for exampel i had had people at my old job "oh my god this boss is awful terrible! wah! what do you think!" i say "mm. i see." "what do you mean you see? what?" "mm. you sound pretty frustrated." "yeah. omg. balalal." "i see." they get bored and move on.

here is an articel about it. (some of it is quite stigmatizing toward certain disorders. but the metheds included which is the only real articel i found that goes into detail of the methods.) it's not the whole story but essentelly becoming non-emoteve and non-interacteve.

 

[internal]

What's EUPD?

it's the UK equivelent of borderline personality disorder. here's the icd10 codes.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks, yeah I know about grey rock. I do some of that already, I think going full grey rock would be a bit much.