How do you feel good about yourself?

[J_trustno1]

I know this may sound repetitive but I don't know where do I search inner happiness. I know some of the smart people here will say it will come internally but how do I stop feeling inadequate?

How do I not feel like a failure, unaccomplished, unattractive, not good enough etc etc. The list keeps going on and one in circles like a halo of negativity around my head. I am having trouble letting go of these self-diminishing thoughts. I have an interview tomorrow and I feel that I have nothing of good value to offer them and why will they hire me?

I'm sorry for sucking out energy from everyone but I am seriously struggling right now. I was having horrible cramps from anxiety last night, starting to get pimples on my face from all that stress and if this pattern keeps repeating I'm sure I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Thanks for listening to my complaints :(.

 

[illusionist]

Hi trustno.....job interviews do tend to make us question ourselves, don't they. Congratulations on getting an interview! You just wouldn't be at the interview stage if they didn't believe you had anything of good value to offer them.....they just wouldn't waste their time or yours. Have a look at your cv.....look at what you do have that they see....it's written in black and white....no matter what your mind is trying to tell you....our minds do lie to us. Chill out, listen to music, have a nice soak...whatever you do to chill out and try and see what they are seeing. ...relax. The best of luck tomorrow!

 

[Amalia]

They're not complaints. It's called ptsd and I feel for you terribly. I do know how you feel. When I as badly triggered it was so bad I took an overdose. It's like you just cannot see any good in your world at all. Just dark. I can relate. You're not alone.
The solution isn't a quick fix; especially if you have an interview tomorrow.
There's lots of help out there in the long-term, but for tonight I would just visualise whilst breathing very slowly and deeply the questions they may ask and you successfully but slowly answering them. Keep the deep breathing going all through tonight tomorrow and through the interview when you remember. Peeps always talk too fast interviews due to nerves. When you speak slowly you appear more confident, people hang on to ever word, and it gives you more time to breathe and think,
I always visualise that I'm a high powered successful business woman when I go for interviews, a whole persona that goes with the job.
Body language is important too and helps breathjng and nerves as well as making you appear about 4cm taller. So straight and proud visualise you are ....(name!) and breathe deeply and slowly. Not too slow or deep mind! ;-) but generally people are fine. And it does work.

Good luck

 

[Dana1010]

First of all, stop that negative thinking about your interview tomorrow. Pretend you have guardian angels and ask them to guide you through the interview--let go and let them take care of it all for you. I know it may sound goofy, but give it a try--it can't be worse than insulting yourself over and over.

As for feeling better about yourself in a material sense, that's something I still struggle with, so I'm hardly the expert. Maybe you should write down all of your assets and accomplishments, and also think of someone who lacks that asset. If you have a bachelor's degree, write that down, and next to it, write the names of people you know who don't have one and all the crappy jobs they have to take because of it. If you're slim, write the names of the overweight women you know, and the stigma they have to deal with. If you're on the heavy side, write that, and write about the bony, boyish, unfeminine shaped women you know, etc.

 

[Justmehere]

For the interview tomorrow, what if you let them make their own decision about if they feel you are right for the job for them to hire you? Instead of preemptively deciding for them that you are not good enough.

I have interviewed and hired employees myself. If I knew someone was coming in for an interview and somehow knew they thought I would not think they were good enough, I would want them to let me make the decision that is right for me as to if they offer the right types of skills for the job. I would not want them to be trying to read my mind that I think they are horrible for the job before I even talk to them. That takes away my freedom.

I would also want them to not think that my decision about their role in the specific job isn't about who they inherently are as a person, but is really specific to the job and if they are the right person for that specific job. If I don't give them the job, it's not a judgement on who they are as a person.

In the interview, focus on valuing them and their role, as a replacement to devaluing yourself. Remember that most people in job interviews feel insecure and inadequate at least a little. It's part of being human.

As far as a the bigger underlying problem of how to address your negative self talk and negative self image as a whole, CBT-style thought challenging might help.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Buddhism.

Being happy with what you have, not in obtaining things. There will always be more out there. Learn to love what you are, no matter where you are in life.

Master this and you'll be light years ahead. It has helped me more than anything else.

 

[darrenS]

I can understand the anxiety and self defeating thoughts , yes its very stressful and sometimes under stress we self sabotage or in many ways do what we can to remove the source. Rather than think of your failures or give credence to your negative thoughts , think simply about the changes a new job could bring.

You applied for a reason and obviously at that time you wasn't as stressed and hence believed in yourself more. Nothings changed , direct your energies into whatever you can do , no matter how simple. Write down the questions you think you'll be asked and prepare the answers. Do anything but succumb to the energy sucking negative self thoughts. Youve made it this far , you can successfully complete the final step

 

[sun seeker]

I'm sorry for sucking out energy from everyone but I am seriously struggling right now.

Hi there! I don't really have any good advice right now about how to feel good about yourself, but you've had some replies and hopefully something resonates with you. I just wanted to say don't feel bad about sucking energy. You've been conditioned to believe that you aren't worthy of people's energy, but that isn't the truth. A lot of us can relate to it because almost anyone who grew up with any kind of abuse or neglect has that problem to some degree. Many of us still struggle with it on a daily basis, while others are doing better, but trust me, you're not alone in that feeling and it isn't based on the reality of who you are. You'll find a lot of people here understand where that sentiment comes from.

This is a forum with thousands of members. Well maybe hundreds who participate regularly. But at any rate, there are a lot of people here. When people respond to a thread it's because they want to, no one is forcing them. If someone doesn't have energy to respond or anything helpful to say, they skip it and trust someone else will respond. At the same time, it feels good to have something to give, so you're giving at least as much as you take by giving others a chance to help.

There is a concept in some parts of Africa, I can't remember what it is called. Maybe someone can help. Anyway, it's a word we don't have a translation for in our more individualistic societies. It is based on what it means to be part of a community and the understanding that a healthy community is made up of healthy people. You are expected to help anyone who asks you for help. At the same time, if you need help, you are expected to ask. There is absolutely no shame in needing and asking for help; in fact it is encouraged because that way you are giving others the chance to help you and to keep the community healthy.

It takes some wrapping your mind around if you haven't been brought up that way, but my point is, the more you ask for and accept help, the stronger you become, and the better off the world is. So ask away.

 

[risingsun]

Congrats on the interview! I struggle with this as well JT1 very much so, so I feel your pain.

The list keeps going on and one in circles like a halo of negativity around my head.

Ignore these thoughts as best you can. I say to myself, "my mind is a liar." To silence the mind, find a short mantra like the following: "I am whole, I am valuable, I am a wise, beautiful soul" and repeat and write it out as much as you can. After a while, the thoughts will have less power and strength over you and after a while, they will stop coming. Even better, you will realize that your mantra is actually the truth about yourself because you are a wonderful soul.

Good Luck Tomorrow. My prayers are with you my friend :hug:

 

[shimmerz]

First of all, stop that negative thinking about your interview tomorrow. Pretend you have guardian angels and ask them to guide you through the interview--let go and let them take care of it all for you.

This works very well for me. Helps me tons and the more I visualize my angels, the less I need them. I also have a animal guide that I call on (black panther). My animal guide visualizations actually allowed me to walk down crowded city streets while I was attending therapy a few years back. It does sound odd, but then, so are my issues so we are a match! I am good with that!

 

[Lionheart]

how do I stop feeling inadequate?

How do I not feel like a failure, unaccomplished, unattractive, not good enough etc etc.

@J_trustno1 I used to have a major issue with thinking that I was not good enough and what I learned is that it was a thinking habit formed long ago that had become so ingrained that I just accepted it as a fact, (when in all actuality it was a thought that was based on incomplete information).

First I had to stop comparing myself to other people because I had a tendency to compare myself down and always come up with flaws and inadequacies. It took awhile to change these thinking habits, to accept that it was indeed a thinking habit and not a hard fact!!!

Once I accepted the possibility that I was being a harsh judge of myself, I set about to stop comparing myself to others and just do my best, whatever my best was for that particular day.

One of my favorite quotes really helped me out and I want to share it with you...

"Do your best and be at peace, that's all anyone can ask of you and it is all you can ask of yourself!!!"

I repeated this quote like a mantra for a long time till I had it memorized by heart and it really helped me to see that I was already the best I could be and that I am good enough, handsome enough, smart enough etc., etc. At first I felt like I was lying to myself and that I was doing a bit of brain washing, but hey after thinking about it I decided my brain could use a good washing. ;):tup::p

Let me be the first to tell you...you are enough, as matter of fact, it is amazing how enough you are!!!
I hope you can allow yourself to think that, to feel that, and to know that about yourself! It takes some time but you can do it.

Hopefully this will be as helpful for you as it was for me. it takes practice, but I am sure you can change the way you think of yourself if you try!!

Wishing you all the best,
Lion

 

[ekane]

It will take time and practice. Another thing that helps is to tell friends hownyoubare feeling and they will help remind you that you have the skills and abilities to do anything, even when emotionally you're feeling negative.