How Do You Find The Words For Difficult Topics?

[Tinyflame]

There is ptsd and suicide in the news (a person) & I don't know how to say how lousy I feel for him. Or pick my own self up from it. Let alone voice such words, or where it takes my thoughts, how I feel for him or myself. :(

 

[Valentino]

Eventually there likely needs to come a point where a person has to develop the courage to take a stand and share from their truth, in the face the potential of rejection or social banishment.

That's not to say someone should recklessly share with anybody and everybody, struggling to force others listen or believe. But more so, that at some point when a person is more aware and comfortable with their truths and limitations, there needs to be action taken that involves some level of social risk. This act of working towards 'being real' and authentic with the exterior world is part of the movement of 'love', love of self, love of the world, love of what is real, love of our limitations, love of our greatness, etc.

Too much focus on a self-improvement project is often covering up self-hatred.

 

[rainy_daze]

@Valentino maybe it is often covering up self-hatred, but not always. I think trying to improve my quality of life by working on myself is more about rebuilding what trauma(s) took from me. I think sharing truths and limitations is a person's own right.

For example, my partner knows me better than most people. I have one family member who understands how difficult I find the other family members, and encourages me to get stronger. I have one friend who is similar to me in the things she struggles with, so we can support each other. All of them know my limitations. I know a lot of my limitations, but maybe it took working on self awareness and working on myself to really understand my flaws, and then balance out that negativity with my strengths.

The biggest social risk I took was disclosing some of the abuse to my therapist, and before that it was breaking down and telling my partner. I think people go at their own pace, and this is fine. I think those actions, the actions of sharing, helped to rebuild me, and see that I'm not broken.

Your posts make me think a lot Valentno, thank you.

But one can own their own truth & be comfortable not sharing with many, I think

I think that too. Maybe because I'm an introvert :rolleyes::hug:.

I think part of finding the words for difficult topic depends on content, receiver's capacity or ability to listen or not judge or attack too, taking a risk +/or or over-riding keeping it to one's self

^ I understand that a lot Junebug, that is wise.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @Valentino . I guess, rightly or wrongly, I focus more on management than self-improvement. And telling the truth, well I have larger reasons for doing so despite potential rejection or abandonment. But I don't see under most circumstances the need to share what is private, unless it might help someone.

Thank you too very much @rainy_daze , very much that way for me as well. Perhaps still broken but gluing together different pieces, or trying to. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @rainy_daze I find also that others accepting my limitations or having that kind of possible-to-accept-but-not-condemning understanding hugely helping or relieving. It does reduce a lot of the confusion & self blame or shame and anxiety that falling short of what either I, or others, expect otherwise engenders.

 

[Valentino]

I recently listened to an audio series by Peter Levine (author of Waking the Tiger & founder of Somatic Experiencing) titled Healing Trauma. In that audio series he has several guided physical/somatic visualizations related to different situations of wild animals under attack by a predator. It was quite fascinating that he covered 3 different responses of: 1) standing your ground (preparing to fight), 2) running to safety (flight) and 3) total immobility (freeze) while getting eaten.

This was a form of exposure therapy, covering 3 main instinctual responses. I thought it was also a clever way to potentially bypass the mind and emotions, by primarily focusing on physical body sensations. But, it might also be too intense or difficult for people to do themselves, and that's probably why he trains therapists in his Somatic Experiencing method.

Within the context of my prior suggestions to 'share your truth', 'take a stand', 'face actual social risk', etc. These are essentially lighter methods of exposure therapy, retraining the instinctual limbic system to relearn and familiarize itself with option of fight/defend/stand, instead of constantly deferring to typical flight/freeze responses of avoidance, appeasing, and/or escaping to comfort or safety.

If you can name it, you can tame it. This points towards another benefit of how 'sharing your truth' can help with processing emotions. By having the courage to endure the risk of shame or embarrassment, and still sharing your genuine emotions and telling your story, it can help discharge the energy behind the emotions. Mental Noting is another meditative variation, where attention is consistently placed on making a mental note of each and every experience or feeling, as it happens.

But for trauma survivors, simply doing mental noting might not be enough exposure to significantly retrain the nervous system, and it could also reinforce dissociation or detachment.

'Sharing your truth' also counters 'secrecy & silence' which often enabled past abusers, and also directly limits recovery and integration.

Secrecy, Silence, and Judgement: those are 3 things shame needs to grow exponentially in our lives.

3 steps for shame resilience:
1) Talk to yourself like you talk to someone you love;
2) Reach out to someone you trust;
3) Tell your story. "Shame cannot survive being spoken."
- Brene Brown

Everyone's healing and recovery is a unique process and journey. It will likely take a lot longer than expected or wanted, but somewhere along the line there can come an appreciation for the journey instead of a constant focus towards the destination. Discovering or learning how to appreciate the journey, does make the process a lot more bearable and even enjoyable at times.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Sometimes you need to have the "subtle as a turd in a punchbowl" approach to things and tell the truth. Sometimes, you need to be gentle about the topic however, lately, I've been ignored and feeling like no one really cares about what I do or what I need to do here at work. They just criticize me; that is all they know HOW to do.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @Valentino yes I agree & have something to add but have a difficult & hugely disappointing situation here for my sister, hopefully an error has been made that can be rectified for her but I just had to deliver the info now & she won't be able to get on it until she gets home in an hour or so. Hugely critical & terrible if it can't be. :( Also just got a message, "Re: call" from sister out in other province, likely about my ill sister there. But she is terminal. Then again 'that' sister always posts something with no info (leaves you hanging) when she sees something positive, which she had seeing photos of my sister here's vacation. But it is what it is, too. :( I must run. :hug:

I don't know what I/we will be facing. :( I'm trying to remember what I learned yesterday to remember & know that I/we are not alone. And to do things differently. Stop, think, get a grip (on myself). Can't say it's easy though. :(

@Ladyghosthunter thank you for sharing, & you made me laugh- I'll never have punch again. :eek: I hope it improves for you. Take care of yourself, especially if you are dealing with that. :hug:

 

[Tanishq]

Love & hugs from 'the turtle'.. ! :) :hug:

Always Welcome Dear Junebug and 'the turtle' always wins the race. Turtle speed for the win. :)

Now I am pointing you to this reminders gently.

I think it's up to me to recognize how far I can go but go cautiously & more calmly.

This time I am going to try to be more patient & also be thankful for the progress.

To me, you're clicking right thoughts. That's very good progress. Just look at the thoughts and they do have your gentle feel. So happy to see this progress.

Love and hugs back at you,too my friend. :hug:

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

You're so welcome, Junebug. I try to make people smile amidst their pain, hurt and fear. We are all going through H**l and laughter, to me, is a medicine that can hopefully help someone calm their fears and their anxieties.

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw Dear @tanish & @Ladyghosthunter , thanks so much.This must be the farthest reaching hug in history. :hug: :inlove:

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @Tanishq , I can't believe it was I who wrote those words, they are true. :wideeyed: So that is what I must do. And in a way I think we have/ I am.

My sister only had results due today, & since this was the same scenario as last time we are waiting to hear, or I will e-mail her myself. Otherwise it never comes to any good- to follow (the 3rd) sister's directive. If my sister who is sick wants to call, she will. She herself would wait to hear.