I don't know. I think memory can be so subjective. Is it true, is it false? Is it something I want to believe or don't? I do believe there are things you forget because your body won't let you remember. Sometimes it is just going forward with what you do know, what you do believe, without doubt. That is where I stand right now. I have accepted that I may never remember all of it. One of, actually the only one who knew about my attack as a child, my mother, has passed away. No one else, to my knowledge, knows the extent of what the babysitter did to me. I remember one version of events and only so much of it. Truthfully, if my head were to suddenly put pieces there I would not know whether I could trust it. Take, for a minor example, the story of three of my friends dying at once. I remembered it one way my whole life, from the time it happened, I would suppose, to a year ago. Then I spoke with a friend who was around at the time and heard some different version of what I believed. I never even remembered her as part of the story in what happened right before their death. Then, there is the time I was attacked as a teenager and it turned out my sister was a witness. We didn't talk about it for about five years when I shared the story with her, she told me she was there. To this day, I do not remember her being there, but I know it must be true because she was able to verify some things that I did at that time. Over the years, when talking about sexual abuse, various therapists have said that I have said my dad and even stopped me to point out that I said his name. Thing is, I don't remember saying what they said I did.
I have decided to accept and honor what I can remember. The rest, well, somehow, I've got to let that be, because I have no way of knowing if it is true or not. If you have the ability to verify the facts, then I would push on. Otherwise, I would probably work with what you do have and learn to live with what you don't. I have.
