How Do You Open Up Without Freaking Someone Out

[stuff]

So, I`ve met a really lovely guy who I`d really like to get to know better, but I keep freaking out when I think about the fact that at some point I`m going to have to divulge to him the fact that I have CPTSD. I`m terrified, but I know that if I don`t at some point it will start manifesting and making things difficult. I don`t want to scare him away, but I want him to know who I am. I`m worried I`m just going to freak out and not tell him because I want things to work out. I want to be honest. This is really hard. When and how do you deal with this stuff!

 

[NIKI]

I also suffer C-PTSD. If it were me I would wait untill I knew this relationship was heading somewhere serious. If not I would not even tell him. I would wait until he could see the real me. I have been married for 19 years and though we alway knew there was something seriously wrong with me he said that not even once did he consider leaving because he knew the real me was a kind and very loving person.

 

[kers]

While I don't have advice for telling someone in a romantic relationship, I did tell a couple of very close friends. I waited until I had signs we were in a close friendship (they revealed things they didn't tell most people, for example). When I felt safe enough, and when I realized that that they had seen a lot of my symptoms and responded lovingly and not judgmentally, I told them. The thing that helped me was seeing that they already responded with compassion to my PTSD. I just gave them a name for i

I agree with niki, take it slow and don't be in a rush to disclose this. Enjoy the developing relationship and let things unfold for a while.

 

[brokenchild]

I've never really figured out how to tell anyone without them freaking out, crying, etc. Since that makes it even worse for me, I don't want to make someone cry or freak out, I just don't tell people. I keep up my facade as much as I can, and when/if it breaks down, I just say I was stressed.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

I recommend honesty.... but backed up with tact. It worked for me. However, I was very lucky in my case because my partner already knew me in some capacity. So I think my revealing it actually made her go 'ahhh, well that makes sense'. Had it been a complete stranger it could have been a lil too much. So I certainly recommend honesty - but reveal it slowly maybe? Also, reveal it in a way that makes it seem 'just part of you' rather than something that is 'bad' about you....... because quite simply - its IS just part of you.

I guess what I mean is - reveal it as what it is. It's a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. So you don't have to come forward with this great 'confession' that there is something wrong with you. There's actually nothing wrong with you. You're quite a normal person who has been through a lot. Revealed in the correct manner - that can actually come across as experience and wisdom.

Having said that - I never use my partner as a 'therapist'. She's not. If I am having a bad day I share this with her. But I don't 'offload the lot'. I may share that I am depressed and need to sleep. I don't spend 4 hours telling her why. If I am anxious I say 'I am feeling anxious' - again, I don't spend 4 hours telling her why. She is my partner, not my therapist. And so far ...*fingers crossed*.... this is working. I also allow her to 'offload' on me. But never to the point I am burdened. She may not have PTSD, but she has been through her own life trials. And she does have 'bad days' just like me. I try to make the 'lean on me' thing as equal as I can. And if it's ever too much, we simply say so.

 

[Manic11]

My therapist made a really good point one day... She said you cannot control how people react to things. It's true. It's like me saying I don't like your shirt. You could either shrug that off cause you like it or get extremely upset with me and never wear the shirt again.
What I'm trying to say is, I agree with what everyone has said above but also keep in mind you can't control how he will react. If he does freak out, you can work around that. But maybe he'll surprise you and be supportive.
The most important thing is to talk about it when YOU are ready.

Good luck hun.
Manic

 

[Deleted member 5760]

Yeah exactly manic,

I actually just read my own response and thought it sounded really clinical. It's so ~emotional~ in fact. My partner will do the cutest things if I'm anxious or down. And I will do the same! She will make my teddy bear 'talk' or whatever (yes, everybody vomit now from cuteness...:P) .. but she knows when to STOP I suppose is the point. She knows that she can be there, and love me, and let me know it's ok...

She also knows she can't fix it, and that it WILL pass when I have an 'episode', etc.

It's almost like saying 'hey, I'm here.. and I love you.. I'll see you when it's over darling'

If that makes sense?

 

[stuff]

Thanks guys. I will play it by ear. If the time comes to bring it up, I will, and if he's the right person it shouldn't make any difference. :)

 

[Unhinged]

I have to say I agree with everyone's thoughts on this. I just told my sister yesterday. She and I were living together when life went out of control for me and I was diagnosed (back in jan-feb). We were/are best friends. I don't really know why I never told her before, maybe I didn't want her to loose her faith in me (she says she looks up to me). My sister handled it great tho, she let me know she was there, that she new something was going on but would never pressure me to talk about it. I had worried so much over telling her, and now I don't see why I waited so long. I wanted her support and didn't even realize I had it the whole time.

Guess what I am trying to say is you will know when you feel like telling someone. I didn't even think about it when I told her, we were just chatting on the phone like normal. And like you said, "If he's the right person it shouldn't make any difference."

I hope for the best for you both.