How do you stop being so hard on youself?

[Tinyflame]

Thank you. @cupfish , can't quote on this device but not equipped or ill-equipped, wow. (Yes I've failed that test lol, but not equated it to ptsd, nor not having the ability to asess it unbiasedly or accurately then perhaps-?). Thank you, also for your kind words. They are aptly timed for myself, as I have to do something socially,and get a haircut. Both I'd avoid, but best to be kinder to ourseves (or try).

I figure I'm going to reward myself if I accomplish those, go buy peaches or something if i survive it lol. :rolleyes: (Actually, if I was smart I'd buy the peaches first!) :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

PS, headed back to work feeling less sh*tty about myself, so thank you. :notworthy: :) :hug:

 

[cupfish]

All good JB. Just remember that no child was ever raised right, and that no good deed goes unpunished, and that healing through humor works.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @cupfish . I will.

I'll have to rename you Angelfish. :angelic: :hug:

 

[cupfish]

No I need a cool name for street cred. MC Cupfish.

 

[Tinyflame]

:) :p

Jaws?.. @cupfish

 

[EveHarrington]

But what if being hard on ourselves keeps us moving forward and healing? I slack enough as it is. I don't do enough to heal, I know.

I have to fight haaaaard just to get to ground zero. And then I have to fight to get anything beyond that. I don't even want to think about the above ground fight because I'm at a major deficit, fighting against those who are normal without these struggles.

 

[ms spock]

I working on this still and it seems to be a hard nut to crack for me. I didn't realise I had created two threads about this. Corrosive self doubt - it is a thing I need to work towards doing more practice around I guess.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

This is such a great thread! I just downloaded the Pacifica app a week ago that uses CBT to help me reframe thoughts and track my habits to make sure I'm taking care of myself.

@cupfish I'm particularly taking your advice to heart - need it!

 

[ms spock]

you/we are not at all equipped to evaluate the accuracy of others' criticisms. Here is a test: if a hairy eyeball from anyone from anywhere pretty much always ends up with the, "I'm a piece of garbage" conclusion you/we are framing normal criticisms through a PTSD lens. That lens always leads to self-hate and strengthens the well-worn neural pathways in ze brain, keeping the self-hate response very much alive.

Well framed @cupfish. A succinct way of putting it.

 

[Beemo3780]

What has helped me a lot over the years is to sort of get out of my own head. I decided to use my energy to help other people rather than continue to analyze all the things wrong with me. Yea, I've had it rough, but there's people that have it much worse. I use my experiences now to do something positive. My husband and I have gotten involved in our community, and I've gotten involved in a lot of volunteer opportunities.

I was almost killed, and I'm still here. I don't believe in a god or anything but I kinda feel like all the events that I faced were to mold me into who I am now. I'm very empathetic, and I tend to look at things through different lenses now. I try to look at the bigger picture, and stay away from focusing on my own little bubble.

That all being said, there are days I absolutely hate myself. I'll have a rough day at work, or have to deal with someone that I don't have a good relationship with, and I'll turn inwards. I have to stay away from the "Why?" wormhole because that sends me into a deep depression where I get anxious and irritable.

This also may sound dumb, but I like the quote: "Smile if you want a smile from another face". I try to always smile even when I don't feel like it, and it does help.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I haven't read all of the replies as my attention span isn't on point for that this morning, but I wanted to share what helped me in this regard. Finally being able to step outside of myself, be it through observations gently delivered to me from the loving kindness of others, or, be it by re-framing my self-talk as though I was directing it at a loved one. If feedback or information delivered to me in what I perceive to be a shitty way and causes a huge emotional reaction, I have to try really hard to observe myself and look in the mirror before I allow myself to react, and I often fail miserably in this instance based on feeling like I have to jump right in to somehow protect myself. Tricky, tricky, tricky, it can be.

There's no way I'd talk to someone I love the same way I used to talk to myself, so why in the heck was I accepting it for myself? Simple. I had never been taught differently. Learning to be the love I wish I would have received from childhood on up was the only way I found my way out of those toxic thought loops. If I tried to continue beating myself up for motivation and kicking my own ass across the virtual finish lines, I suffered more physically, mentally, and spiritually. Yeah, I completed a task, but was steadily chopping at my own self-worth along the way. It takes a village and takes me actively practicing from my therapeutic tool box daily, hence the term practice. I think I finally get it, although I still struggle. This human condition is a strange one, to say the least.