How do you stop being so hard on youself?

[ms spock]

I did something hard, so I dissociated, malaptively day dreamed, and then I comfort ate a small bit. Instead of beating myself up I actually went I am excited at having accomplished something! So I was excited. On the Emotion Wheel by Onesimusix I feel Happy>Powerful>Courageous

 

[Lionheart]

When I fail to be perfect, (which happens a lot), I tell myself this...."I can't be perfect everyday," then I laugh at myself for having perfectionistic standards and cut myself some slack!!!

 

[ms spock]

Great attitude @Lionheart777 I will take a leaf out of your book!

I am changing my focus to what I am doing rather than having a focus on what I am not doing. There is a lot that I am doing. I am close now to stepping up a level in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I am close to Esteem Needs, which is the level below Self Actualisation. So I have improved from the first to levels, Physiological needs, Safety needs and then Belonging & Intimacy needs, I was stuck in the first level & second level for a few decades, now I have moved out of that arena. I still am challenged by Belonging and & Intimacy needs but I am much better. It is entirely possible that I could be in Self Actualisation by the time I am 50 years old.

 

[Teasel]

It's genuinely impressive the progress you've made here ~ do you think changing your focus to what you are doing instead of what you aren't doing has been the main help?

Reading the thread again today I found myself wondering what the opposite of being hard on yourself looks like? Like thinking you're fabulous, giving yourself lovely things like nice clothes or a great day out, expecting others to be good to you because you're worth it type things.

And maybe being a bit silly now, thinking who in the public eye is the opposite of being hard on yourself? And I came up with Cher or Miss Piggy :laugh: I'm not sure how useful this is lol. Though sometimes I compare the inner critic to the Daily Mail (a hate filled right wing newspaper that criticises women relentlessly). I suppose a bit of humour can help burst the bubble of the humourless critic in my head?

 

[ms spock]

:) @berlinda!

 

[ms spock]

I am doing better with this. It's really hard the super hard critic combined with the corrosive self doubt.

 

[ms spock]

I am so f*cked. I just live in my own self create hell of loops going around. Everything that I do I can just find away to beat the crap out of myself.

 

[Ronin]

Self beating doesn't mean you're f*cked.

Prob'ly different book, but to me f*cked = irreparable damage was done or is about to be done.

Self beating ain't irreparable.
It's very very fixable. :)

 

[ms spock]

i HOPE THAT YOU ARE RIGHT @Ronin

I finished packing the dish washer that I started filling up yesterday. Yes my level of activity is f*cking pathetic, but that's me a f*cking pathetic loser.

And f*ck knows I f*ckING HAVE TRIED MY BEST TO GET BETTER. I AM STILL LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO LOOK AFTER ME AND LOVE ME. HOW f*ckING PATHETIC IS THAT AT 50 YEARS OLD? I feel so much emotional pain. My poor body is falling apart.

I am so f*cking angry. I am so f*cking upset.

My Father's Friend wrote a letter back to my sister saying that my poor Sperm Donor was hard done by and a poor and vulnerable man.

I am projecting my parents on to everyone around me. I am also burning bridges - but this one bridge did need to be burnt though. A guy whose daughter lied and said he sexually abused her. Yeah right I am the daughter in that situation.

But f*ck I hate myself. I have a terribly abusive relationship with myself. I am not suicidal anymore (or only mildly last week) but it feels like shit. And I am so tired. I am so bone wearily tired and I and exhausted. I am just so tired. This shit is burning me up and it burns and burns. So I can eat and put on 20 kilos or what do I do. I can't do anything. I am 50 and my life is very sad because I missed out on so much stuff. And it's really sad.

 

[The Albatross]

Oh (((Spock))) back to basics... pick a couple to a few things. You're still on the cycle from all of the highly charged emotional events for the past few months. Please take good care to know that it would be hard for anybody to have experienced so much distress and awful things. Treat yourself as you are able the way you would treat B, or Papa Bear, or me?

 

[Ellabella44]

Hugs Ms. Spock.

 

[Rose White]

Hi @ms spock ; I came to this board to post something like, "How do I stop speaking negatively to myself?" And you already had this lovely thread. I'm sorry you were going through the grinder when you last posted. Wondering how you are doing this week? I am proud of you for recognizing your hierarchy of needs. That was inspiring for me.