How do you stop self sabatoging

[Fadeaway]

I feel like i ma on a war path of self sabotage. In fits of panic I opening my mouth when I should keep it shut. At least the online version. I writing to people who don't no me well and asking for help is just going to drive them away so why can't I stop myself. I did this tonight with my only match on a genealogy site I was able to get in touch with. When I was originally in touch with them I was on cloud 9 until I felt backed into a corner about disclosing abuse, so I lied because they were already telling me they thought I was weird and I didn't want to scare them off. Then I ghosted because I was to afraid of how to move on from there.

So now, after 6 months after ghosted, I wrote to them out of the blue and told them about the abuse and now I am so scared that I really f*cked up. I already scared off a neighbor the other night because they were concerned because they heard me sobbing and they told me it was to much for them. Why can't i keep my mouth shut. why do keep unloading my abuse and not have an ounce of self preservation until a few minutes after it is too late and then start having massive anxiety about what I just did. I have to stop this.

 

[Muted]

Is it actually self-sabatoging or are you overwhelmed or emotionally flooded by you’re emotions and trauma? Sometimes when we’re overloaded we react in desperatish seeming ways to try and get help.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Do you have an emergency hot line crises counselor that you can call to tell all of how you are right now to? It seems that you need some contact with people who can be with you and to support you right now which to me is looking for support and not self sabatoge or did I misunderstand? You sound ok, I think it normal to want some people to assist and support you while you are feeling the way you are.

Do you feel this in your body physically because that is very scary to have to cope with while you are in the thick of it. Please also do some emergency self care and try not to beat yourself up. Hang in there and know that you are not the only one these things happen to. And remember to take some deep breaths. Can you cuddle a stuffie and lay down for a little bit while you wait to connect with a real person? :hug:

 

[Fadeaway]

Yes, I overwhelmingly feel it as this big ache in my chest. I have spoken to multiple crisis counselors. A person local crisis counselor blamed me for my abuse basically said I asked for it due to a lack of boundaries and putting myself in a bad situation. So that really set me off for a while and while i spoke to others afterwards, it is still lingering.

Thanks for the hugs, they mean the world right now. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 42984]

Hmmm. Not sure if I would call this self-sabotage. Are you sure? I remember 4 months ago, I was in a major major crisis, and was later hospitalized. I reached out to everyone, and yes, told way too much about myself, trauma, all the shit just came pouring out. Like, I had no control of it. Afterwards, major regrets. While I think it's true that you shouldn't tell each and everyone you meet about your trauma record, in times of crisis I would say it's a sign of wanting help. Nothing wrong about that :-)

 

[Finchlet2]

Too much boiling water in the kettle your brain being the kettle. You can either tip it out or cool it down but you can't leave it in there at that temperature. If you tip it out around people who can't handle it granted bystanders will get burnt but you can't keep adding cold water as the kettle will overflow so it's timing but I ain't got that down so I just ride the overflow without drowning for now. Oh and the cold water is personal to the individual whether meditation, self massage, walks in a special place art etc basically anything that makes you feel positive cools the boiling water just a little