How graphic are you with your therapist?

[KwanYingirl]

i have an impossible ability to tell my therapist the details of my rapes, as well as other pedophile behaviors to keep me silent. I admit, there is a lot in me that’s never been spoken.
Have you, like me, beat around the subject, or can you express all the gory details? If you have, could you please tell me about how that made you feel.regrets?shame?

 

[Rumors]

I haven’t spoken details, just generalities like “bad things happened” or some silly answer like that. My therapist has asked me “do you remember what happened exactly?” to which I do and reply that I do but I haven’t given a verbal description of anything sexual in nature. <<insert roll eyes here>> I am not sure what I would say bc it’s bad. When I say “we did bad things...” I really mean it.

 

[Gs172003]

I don't remember alot of details and the ones I do I have no intention on disclosing. She doesn't need to know anyway.

 

[Still Standing]

EEEKS! :nailbiting: There is NO WAY a discussion of the graphic details are going to be shared! Uh-uh! Zip! Nada! My psych doc is experienced enough to fill in the details via his own imagination. I only share enough to give understanding of my fears and hurts. I don't see a need to be exacting to the gnat's eye on things. If therapy gets to that point, I'm outta there! It is enough in itself to know what sexual abuse entails. And being beat up, deprived, unjustly punished, rejected, disowned, etc carry their own specific descriptions. Detailing the extremeness seems redundant to me. Hmmm...maybe I DO need therapy! I 'd probably get a new tag-on diagnostic condition added to my list: Resistant! :wideeyed::wacky:

 

[Bananie]

I've never been able to give specific details, and I really don't think anyone should have to if they don't want to, but I did say "I'm afraid he has like miracle jizz or something" to this t and he took it in stride. I think you can tell them whatever you feel comfortable though. They've heard everything, supposedly, and are trained to not be shocked/appalled/whatever.

 

[Anarchy]

I think that the difficulty in even using words like the R word, or saying that it was CSA, is fairly general.

Back when I first joined the forum, one of the members was describing being interviewed by the practice nurse at her (? New) gp surgery, and asked if they had ever been sexually abused.

They'd answered no, and commented here that it had taken something like two years in therapy to be able to say yes to the therapist.

So, yeah, I think that your difficulties talking about horrible experiences are normal, and your t is going to know that and be able to work with it.

Sending you hugs
@

 

[Deleted member 541]

I was open and honest with my therapist. He knows everything, I knew. I heard nothing back.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Good validation here. Thanks all. My t knows I am dumbstruck and he is trained by Bessel Van der Kolk who wrote “the body keeps the score” a great book, but it was too triggering. However I did call his office in Boston to see if he would be willing to be my Phychiatrist. He is a warm, lovely man and he answered his own phone!!! We talked and he said I should have a doc close by, but he also told me the Trauma Center in Brookline is a safe place to do difficult work. My insurance won’t pay for it.
At any rate, his opinion is that the details do not require disclosure as long as I’m working towards acceptance and staying in the here and now. He really is a peach.
But on the other hand, the details haunt me. And isn’t bearing witness to another’s burden a healing opportunity?

 

[Rumors]

Good validation here. Thanks all. My t knows I am dumbstruck and he is trained by Bessel Van der Ko...

I hope you are able to spill it... I feel the same way.

 

[Freida]

Over the last few years I've been willing to share more. There's been some gory details that I didn't think I would ever be able to mention to any other human being in the entire planet. What's been interesting is watching their reactions because they react like normal people would. Meaning they show me that they feel sympathy or they feel that it was wrong what was done to me blah blah.

It sometimes makes me think twice about why I'm denying the memories being bad. There's still some stuff I can't talk about but give it another couple years and we'll see what happens

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Freida thanks for sharing. Do you get less intrusive memories, or any other benefits from brutal honesty? I think that is a goal for me. What can I do to make these uninvited flashbacks to stop. Granted, they have dimmed with therapy and reiki, I second guess my willingness to do the “difficult” things to heal. It’s hard for me to write, to stay present in therapy. Mindfulness meditation only offers a brief vacation from reactivity.
I try to remember that stimulating the prefrontal cortex calms the lambic system, that meditation allows this to happen. But then I awake from a nightmare and it all goes up in smoke and I am so sick of it.

 

[Freida]

Okay so first remember that this is a process that has taken about 2 years. And it came out in little bits and pieces. I've gotten braver as time goes on but it still slow. And there's still some things I absolutely can't talk about

The main reason I do it is because I refuse to accept the victim label. And that's something that just has to happen to continue to heal.

So when I hear myself describing things that have happened it basically sinks in a little bit more than if I just think them. And then once they're out into the world I'm usually horrified for a day or two and then at the next session we can actually discuss the impact that saying the stuff had on me. And when they repeat it back it's pretty hard not to accept that the person that these things happen to you was a "victim "

It doesn't really help stop the intrusive thoughts, but it makes them a little bit easier to deal with. From what I understand the flashbacks and the intrusive thoughts will never actually go away but if you face them head-on they will lessen. Talking about them kind of takes away their power....... I hope.