How graphic are you with your therapist?

[Mach123]

Good validation here. Thanks all. My t knows I am dumbstruck and he is trained by Bessel Van der Ko...

I went to a therapist trained by Bessel (whatever that means) and I did not have a good experience but hopefully you have a good therapist. I read his book also. Now I am across the street at another place with my current therapist. Yes I beat around the bush for years. My last therapist that was not a trauma therapist and a male, I told very little. I tried but I couldn't. I had to get all the gory details out. He knew I had CSA and every once in awhile I'd say "I want to talk about sex," and he'd be like "finally?" I never really did though. I actually did something this week that was quite (different?) about sex in body work? I don't think I could ever have done that with anyone else? This week she was asking me where I felt a certain thing in my body and I said something and she said, "can you get in that position, or can you show me with your body what that feels like?" I did it. It didn't "bother me" but while I was doing it I was sort of "wow this is really it" or something. I mean I'm really telling (and showing) another person what really went on or how it made me feel? I know I disassociated a little while I was doing it? But I just kept going and it was fine. I want that stuff out I want to talk about it. She is gone a couple weeks now so I can just sit with it awhile.

 

[Freida]

@Mach123 That is huge!! Congratulations!!

 

[Missycat]

I struggled at first, well i still do a lot of the time. I find it hard to say the words particularly sexual ones or specific parts of the body ( i think you know what i mean).
If i was trying to process memories i would dissociate a lot or have a major anxiety attack. I found it easier to email my t in between sessions and then she would have an idea of what was upsetting me and would ask questions around that - part of my issues was being afraid to speak out so being asked felt like i was being given permission to speak.
It is hard but im sure you will work out with your t what works best for you.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I was so amazed at the courage the hundreds of gymnasts showed when they gave their victim statements to Larry Nassars sentencing. They showed such strength and were able to be rather graphic and to me that was powerful. I loved it when the judge told the perv that she was happy that she signed his death warrant.
As for me, we’ll i don’t know what to do. I know I’ll never be free of intrusive memories. I do want to try EMDR. Before he’ll do it with me, I have to get more comfortable expressing my abuse. I have a lot of shame and I tell him that, but he reminds me I had no choice as a child to consent. They were acts of violence.

 

[Scarlet13]

So I can get pretty graphic, detailed, and honest.
I pay for that though. I don't know if it brings any immediate benefits though.
I struggle with going too much into trauma and obsessing with trauma.
I am very self aware and use skills to manage it when I am descriptive.
I am just a descriptive person. I feel also like my t brings the trauma out of me in descriptive sentences.
I do struggle with talking about present issues and my current fears. So that is hard.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I can only speak for myself. My abuse certainly shaped my avoidant personality at a time in my life at which, with swift and skilled therapy plus an end to the abuse would’ve helped stem the tide against marked difficulties with life.

I keep going back to EMDR would like to try that but my t says I need to be less dissociative. I guess that means getting use to relinquishing my abuse.

 

[Mee]

I find this really interesting . As well as my trauma inducing incident last year I ALSO suffered a rape I reported to the police. This more that the trauma inducing incident was investigated a lot and the details of the one off rape were gone into graphically more times than I can remember. While it was obviously very, very upsetting and I was doing this while suffering the aftermath of my other situation I think that ‘purging it’ has helped me detangle it from the situation which actually more seriously and profoundly impacted me.

I won’t go quite as far as saying just the retelling made it easier to process. I think that it is a straightforwardly reportable crime that I had chosen to report and other factors.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

For me, the sexual abuse memories are the most difficult to talk about no matter how minor I believed they were at the time they happened. With probably the worst being the times my father was tender with me, making love to me. Yikes! Shared that recently with mixed feelings about it. Was the toughest memory I've shared about sexual abuse.

Anything else? I longed to be able to tell my story to someone who really knew about the kind of abuse I suffered as a child. I told many therapists and most just blankly stared at me and maybe said something here and there. I expected something else I guess. Didn't receive it.

That is until my current T, who has experience with satanic ritual abuse, ritual abuse, mind control, and has researched serial killers. To say what I witnessed no matter how horrific and have her hear me, acknowledge me, listen to me, and believe me. I'd say believing plays the biggest role in me telling my story. And some of it is truly gory and gross and disgusting and she understands because she's been doing this for 25 years.

 

[Mee]

For me, the sexual abuse memories are the most difficult to talk about no matter how minor I believed...

Yes, I can sympathise with that. I think for me their was greatest catharsis in retelling to a quiet an not judgmental sensitive crime officer who asked her questions in a non challenging but thorough way and with an incredibly supportive and experienced rape advocate who was really a great ’bridge’ between me and the police officer when needed and who understood aspects involved that were ’non standard’ and let me explain them in my words and then helped find other words to clarify without leading me.

Truly; I think having the RIGHT therapist/ witness for our abuses here is probably part of our self care responsibility.

 

[Freida]

. To say what I witnessed no matter how horrific and have her hear me, acknowledge me, listen to me, and believe me. I'd say believing plays the biggest role in me telling my story. And some of it is truly gory and gross and disgusting

This^^^^^^ until you have someone who can hear the disgusting horrible stuff its not worth talking. My T has a hard time getting me to understand what I went thru even rates as trauma so she says sometimes it sounds like I'm reading a grocery list. It is helpful to use her "normal" reactions to give me some kind of understanding

 

[Mee]

This^^^^^^ until you have someone who can hear the disgusting horrible stuff its not worth talking....

This too! My therapist is very human. Her reactions to my situation make me realise how strong I have been and feel less ashamed about my PTSD. I did not do well with a ’blank wall’ therapist. I feel able to feel less minimised. And also to argue where things have not impacted strongly on me. I think she’s great for someone like me with quite a strong self awareness and not shy.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I think tomorrow I will talk to my therapist about the fact that I started this thread and that most of you validate how I feel about it too. It’s just so awful to think about and that somehow attaching words to the memories is like saying “Beetlejuice” too many times and then the monsters will unleash and I’ll be destroyed.