How Much Advice Does Your Therapist Give?

[Lucycat]

I do worry about her blood sugar levels,

Have you ever had her blood sugar level checked? If she is a normal healthy individual her blood sugar level will be controlled by her naturally produced insulin and have nothing to do with her sugar intake. If she develops Type 1 diabetes - that is nothing to do with obesity and diet, and is an auto-immune disorder. It is typically the type of diabetes that affects children.

Type 2 diabetes is far more commonly diagnosed in adults. Yes, boundaries need to be set in childhood to encourage healthy behaviours, but excessive boundaries are often met with aggression and as adolescents in particularly the rebound is that they do exactly what you did not want.

I do see that parenting is very difficult, and even harder when your decisions are challenged by your daughter and ( you feel) criticised by your T.

what approach I thought would be more effective.

What ideas did you come up with?

 

[Leah123]

Have you ever had her blood sugar level checked? If she is a normal healthy individual her blood sugar...

I'm not concerned about her health without cause. Excessive sugar and unbalanced diet isn't healthy. Period. Obesity and Type 2 are rising a lot among kids 10 and up (30% increase in a 10 year span), and while diabetes is an extreme outcome (but some doctors predict 1 in 3 adults will develop it), the other outcomes aren't what I wish for her either. She has her fair share of sugar, of sweets and treats. But not unlimited. When she's an adult and even more disposed to developing these conditions- that's when what I do now will have some impact- I don't feed and teach her for today alone- it's for a lifetime.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

My T doesn't give any such advice, I'm not sure they're really supposed to?

 

[scout86]

I'm not sure they're really supposed to?

What would be the reasons that it would be inappropriate?

 

[Leah123]

I do wish she was more inquisitive rather than advisory at times, I feel like the best way to enable positive growth is to provide a light.

What would be the reasons that it would be inappropriate?

Some typical ones are:
1. Clients are the experts on their own lives, so advice may be off target, with the ideal that it's best to explore with the client so they can come up with something that fits and works for them.
2. To reduce dependency
3. To reduce effects of power imbalance that can occur in therapy
4. To get to the root of an issue rather than suggesting it away- to enable good listening and exploration
5. The advice is based on one's own experience rather than research so it may not really be justified therapeutically
6. It interferes with the client's progress/development
7. If the client's not ready and willing, it likely won't help even if it's brilliant
8. No one needs to pay for advice. ;) Even from fairly well qualified people.

So, this isn't to say there may never be a time or place for advice, but that there are definitely times and places where it's not therapeutic.

Here are some articles on the topic:

http://drkkolmes.com/2010/01/19/on-the-difference-between-therapy-and-giving-advice/

Link Removed

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-best-advice-a-therapist-could-get-stop-giving-advice-0205154

http://www.drkarenruskin.com/do-the...o-do-advice-consultation-and-problem-solving/

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/warning-signs-of-bad-therapy/

 

[scout86]

Good articles! In my own case, my T has only actually said "Say this" on the one occasion. And I was truly desperate. (You'd have to have known my mother.)

Yesterday she said to me that "you made a pretty big mistake," and "if you try to control everything you're going to end up with 'an oil and water' relationship with your daughter like __________ (husband) has."

I suppose there are multiple ways of looking at this remark she made, but, to me, she's not exactly giving advice as much as she's giving an opinion. (Maybe not very tactfully. But maybe she thought tact wouldn't work.) In her opinion, you made a mistake, and then what she thinks "trying to control everything" will lead to. Opinion rather than directive?

The situation really sounds complicated. Your daughter has some things that must make her hard to parent. I imagine you might have some fears that probably make you feel a real need to keep things "under control" for things to be "safe". Combine that with ODD?...yikes! A very challenging situation. I think it's awesome that you're using therapy to help with parenting. Is your daughter in therapy as well?

 

[Deleted member 29920]

It seems to be have rule we have in my part of the world Scout. I guess they worry they'd give the wrong advice. Certainly no T has ever advised me how to live my life.

 

[GWhizz]

I don't think the problem is necessarily her giving advice, because sometimes telling a T that detail will inevitably lead to advice. I think the problem is her giving her opinion.

 

[oasis2003]

Sorry not read allof the post but therapists should not give advise. They should work from the client and encourage them to develop their own coping skills and emotional regulation. How do they know what advice to give ?

 

[GWhizz]

Sorry not read allof the post but therapists should not give advise. They should work from the client and...

I guess that depends on what you're looking for. When it comes to symptom management, I'm given guidance on methods of coping, emotional regulation skills etc. But say for example, I'm questioning my parenting ability because I was never shown any positive parenting example as a child myself, I may seek clear advice on what's reasonable. I know because of my PTSD and deprivation as a child, I tip between extremes. As in, I can be all for healthy eating 100% in an almost restrictive way. Then I feel bad and give my child unhealthy rewards to an extent that is only making up for what I never had as a child. Sometimes I genuinely need my T's advice on what's reasonable and what's not. Although I know deep down, when immersed in it, my perspective is skewed until I step back. Personal guilt plays a big part in it.

Though a T never has the right to judge your actions as they should be bound by unconditional positive regard.

 

[oasis2003]

yes a therapist should have unconditional positive regard and empathy but it makes me question as to when you say what you are looking for ? a therapist should help you heal by giving you strategies to help your self . I f you want parenting skills then there are classes for that and for eating disorders different advice from a different place. If you have guilt maybe you should discuss this with your therapist rather than want advice. ?

 

[qwyoey]

Does it matter that your therapist gives advice, or that your response to the advice is negative? Controlling our own responses to what others say is our job. If you don't want advice, why not let her know that you would appreciate it if she didn't. Have a conversation about it with her, and then you both can listen to each other's points of views, and decide where to go from there. I think it's good to pull back and look at how much energy you are giving this mentally, and whether or not you feel capable of setting your own boundaries. Because I think this is what this is really about. Boundary setting. What you need is to have more confidence (in my opinion) to say when and when you do not want advice. Instead you are setting boundaries with your daughter. As a dietician, I can say that boundaries regarding food with children need to be handled very very carefully and you cannot expect that just because you have a plan that they will understand it, remember it, or care about it in the moment. If you reflect on your own emotions with your relationship with your T and the issues of advice/control and how you feel, imagine being a little girl like your daughter and just not getting it in the moment. Healthy eating is an every day thing. Anything less will feel arbitrary to children.