How Much Do I Have To Process To Heal?

[Notsowild]

I've been seeing my T and my psychiatrist for about 4 months now. We are dealing with my latest trauma that brought on so many new symptoms. I feel I'm making some progress. They are both wonderful and great at their jobs. I know I still have a ways to go to.

BUT... I was just wondering do I have to deal with my child abuse to fully recover? Won't that take years? Plus do I really want to go there. I still have repressed memories and that scare me. The abuse I do remember was so horrific how will I deal with all that. Just wondering how other people work in therapy? Is it just the adult traumas you work on?

 

[anthony]

do I have to deal with my child abuse to fully recover?

You have to deal with what is bothering you most... that is the simple answer. If it is in your mind a lot, then you have to deal with it.

 

[Notsowild]

In my mind a lot? No . But it hinders having a relationship because I fear men and sex.

 

[anthony]

Then the fear of men and sex is the issue, nothing else. If early childhood abuse becomes the root cause... yes... if not... no.

Normally it isn't even about the abuse itself at childhood, but more the act of a parent / guardian letting it happen / being the abuser / knowing about it and doing nothing.

 

[digger]

But it hinders having a relationship because I fear men and sex.

If that bothers you and you want to change it, then yes, you're probably going to have to deal with the root of it at some point.
That point doesn't necessarily have to be now if you're not bothered about being in a relationship. Is your T aware of the abuse or just the trauma you're working on at the moment?

 

[Jane.l]

The other thing is if you avoid dealing with it now you may well find that in the future it suddenly becomes a big problem - your resistance to look at it already suggests perhaps avoidance rather than acceptance .

I know it's a scary prospect to open old wounds - but if you leave a seed of trauma unspoken it's quite likely to grow at some point.

 

[Abrasky]

I guess it depends on how much PTSD you have. Some people can have mild PTSD, some people like me have quite severe PTSD where there are fragmented personality moods. Personality moods are a bit milder than personalities. It took me about 12 years to recover from my main symptoms of not being able to connect with people, and being able to work again. That was with a lag of 4 years to getting the right treatment and diagnosis.

I have now been working and connecting with people which were my main symptoms for 2 1/2 years.

Every bit of memory you process though makes you feel so much relief than before, so it is ideal to keep going.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Won't that take years? Plus do I really want to go there. I still have repressed memories and that scare me.

My guess is it might take years, maybe not. I have been working on my stuff for just over a year and I feel like it will take forever. However, I feel that I was falling apart too much not to open that box. Of course, almost all of my childhood trauma memories were repressed and I had no idea what I was getting into. That said it was affecting me even without that knowledge of the memories. Already I have gained more understanding of myself and that helps. Will it be better to have gone through all these memories and worked on them? I have to believe the answer is yes even if it takes years. It's got to be better than life was becoming by trying to continually shove back the memories. Each person has to travel their own path though, but I wanted to share my thoughts on my own situation thus far.

 

[Chava]

More current traumas might have compounded issues, but the symptoms and challenges I have right now really can't be addressed without addressing deeper feelings and fears that have been in place since I was really young. But I think the physical pain drove me back to therapy much faster than the isolation and lack of close relationships. So while it is really hard to heal current symptoms without addressing childhood traumas as original traumas, it sort of depends on what symptoms you can put up with. Sometimes I feel that a level of suffering and isolation is easier than addressing all the fear and sadness. But I'm trying to do it...yes, it's just taking a long time. But I look at it as a commitment to myself and the rest of my life. So time isn't really an issue so much. To get at the deeper stuff, I think it just has to go slowly so everything can be processed safely.

 

[Notsowild]

Is your T aware of the abuse or just the trauma you're working on at the moment?

Yes my T knows about my CSA but we just deal with my current trauma. But alas that pesky child abuse sneaks into the conversation a lot.

The other thing is if you avoid dealing with it now you may well find that in the future it suddenly becomes a big problem - your resistance to look at it already suggests perhaps avoidance rather than acceptance .

I'll admit it is avoidance of the unknown. Why would I have repressed memories? It's worse than what I do remember. That's scary. What do you mean by acceptance?

I guess it depends on how much PTSD you have.

Never thought about it. Lets see... I have complex PTSD with DID - depersonalization disorder plus Acute stress disorder. Moderate to severe I would say. My major symptoms, flashbacks, hypervigilance, exaggerated startle response and nightmares have eased a lot. Stress and suicidal thoughts have increased. Still a ways to go.

 

[Notsowild]

My guess is it might take years, maybe not. I have been working on my stuff for just over a year and I feel like it will take forever. However, I feel that I was falling apart too much not to open that box. Of course, almost all of my childhood trauma memories were repressed and I had no idea what I was getting into. That said it was affecting me even without that knowledge of the memories. Already I have gained more understanding of myself and that helps. Will it be better to have gone through all these memories and worked on them? I have to believe the answer is yes even if it takes years. .

Thanks JEK... How have you been doing? So you haven't worked on your repressed memories yet? What kind of therapy are you in?

More current traumas might have compounded issues, but the symptoms and challenges I have right now really can't be addressed without addressing deeper feelings and fears that have been in place since I was really young. To get at the deeper stuff, I think it just has to go slowly so everything can be processed safely.

I am still that scared shy abused girl just older. I'm still so frightened of opening those memories. Can I handle it?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

If you're dealing with DID and dissociative disorders on top of PTSD, its going to take you a bit longer to heal as you've got extra components to deal with (regardless of whether or not you decide to integrate). In your case its not just about processing the trauma with one personality, as you have alters that must be dealt with and heard, and all of that takes time.