Lola, I'm really happy that you have been able to find something that works. I may try something soon...
Yeah, I'm familiar with that nagging," But why? What's the point?" question, too. It always kicks us when we're down! I don't have any good answers beyond what you've already heard or what's already been said. I guess I think of life like I do meditation, or rather, when I need to give myself a pep talk to keep going despite the "whys" and "what fors."
Sometimes I SO don't want to f*cking meditate or be mindful, :shifty:because I know it will be hard and aggravating and what good is 10 minutes of meditation going to do anyway? I actually quite like meditation and believe in the health benefits, but sometimes that's just how I feel. Like a rebellious teenager saying, I don't care if meditating is good for me, I'm sick of it and I'd rather stick a fork in my eye. But then I remind myself, "the benefit accrues in the practice." There's no being a "good" or "bad" meditator, and there's certainly no magic bullet, it's just that I believe that, yeah, there is some benefit to trying to meditate, to practice, to bring my mind back to my breath and start from scratch over and over and over for just 3 minutes.
And the meaning of going through shitty things in life? Hell if I know. I don't know that there is one meaning, but the
purpose of life happens during the living of it. Print that on a bumper sticker and ride it into town! We are a meaning-making species, and the hell I survived as a kid and a teenager ... well, it's the fact of survival that's it's own reward, even when my life goes to shit. I strongly believe that the pain I endured and that still sticks with me has made me a more compassionate person, and that has helped me to find meaningful work in the world. But somedays it's all I can do to roll over in bed and mutter, "I still exist, that's a good enough day. Didn't hurt myself, that's a win today." :eek:
I hope this post doesn't sound bleak, I actually mean it to be positive, lol! I love the song by Gladys Knight, I've Got to Use My Imagination, that says, :singing:
I've really got to use
My imagination
To think of good reasons
To keep on keepin' on ....
***
Got to be strong
Got to keep on keepin' on
Eventually, do that long enough, and I've lived through a bleak season to be able to look back and see where the benefit accrued. Can't see it when all I'm doing is living day by day. But yes, this too shall pass ... eventually, and I'll find a way to make some meaning out of it (when I'm past the point where all my energy is being used just to keep on keepin on.)
Hang in there, Lady. :hug:
