Movingforward10
Sponsor
Ahhh @barefoot, everything you write reasonates with me totally. I felt precisely the same way. It is so frustrating and annoying.
I absolutely get the "I don't want her" feeling. I had that. I was so annoyed with little me. I mean, little me had trauma happen to her. Little me didn't stop it. Little me let it happen. Little me was dragging me down. If only little me didn't exist, I wouldn't be in therapy and feeling all this crap! So yep, I've done the hating of little me.
And then, why on earth would little me speak to me if this is how I treat her! So I had to address my anger and hatred towards little me before little me felt safe enough to talk to me. The way this happened for me is a number of things. Starting to feel compassion for little me.
You will get there. It is a frustrating process. Hugely annoying. But, I think knowing you feel these things is a massive step. Also, exploring these feelings. Thinking what part this feeling might be and being curious what that feeling is communicating. Because that feeling may be a 'part'.
I absolutely get the "I don't want her" feeling. I had that. I was so annoyed with little me. I mean, little me had trauma happen to her. Little me didn't stop it. Little me let it happen. Little me was dragging me down. If only little me didn't exist, I wouldn't be in therapy and feeling all this crap! So yep, I've done the hating of little me.
And then, why on earth would little me speak to me if this is how I treat her! So I had to address my anger and hatred towards little me before little me felt safe enough to talk to me. The way this happened for me is a number of things. Starting to feel compassion for little me.
You will get there. It is a frustrating process. Hugely annoying. But, I think knowing you feel these things is a massive step. Also, exploring these feelings. Thinking what part this feeling might be and being curious what that feeling is communicating. Because that feeling may be a 'part'.