Sufferer How To Confront My Pedophile Parent

[Wicked Shadow]

I'm thinking about the children, and the fact OP doesn't seem ready to confront abuser in question about t...

Just so you know I never witnessed that abuse. I learned about it as an adult from my sibling.

 

[The Albatross]

No contact/ever seeing him again sounds like they've laid the way (no contact).

 

[Weemie]

Ensure your children never see him again. Who cares about whether or not you confront him about his abuse? Tell him that you aren't bringing them over any more, and your reasons are your own. And leave it at that. And never let them see him again.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome! You've received a lot of advise from the other members and how you choose to deal with you father is up to you, but do heed the advise of keeping your children away from him. They are NEVER safe in proximity with him regardless of who is around.

 

[Neverthesame]

They are NEVER safe in proximity with him regardless of who is around.

Sadly, all too often the only effective boundaries for a pedophile are a 6' X 9' concrete room, in a building surrounded by 30' fences, topped with razor wire.

 

[IrisL]

Hi...

My personal experience on that

Did confront mine abuser.,, if you had been abused sexually by that kind of worms(which is way to cute compare to a pedophile) they will try and do manipulate you as how they did on the time...

Mine told me to it was me who came to him and do staff... - my opinion and thought are you f*cking joking!!!! But they don't!
He thinks done nothing wrong - my abusers sentence is "every little girl should learn that" his phrase and reason of his action is just a lesson to be better! Which is a massive lie!
Towards themselves and towards the victim or pray. They will not think twice if the opportunity is there - they will upon act immediately by them feelings which for them justified,
You can't believe in them because they are liars! To others and even to them selves!


Dostoyevsky said that:
"A man who lied to himself and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognise truth,either in himself or anyone else.and he ends up losing respect for himself and for others.when he have no respect for others

 

[IrisL]

Ehhh
Continue ...
The Dostoyevsky
" when he have no respect for others, he can no more love, and in him yields to his inpulses, indulges in the lowest form of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal in satisfying his own vices.and it all comes from lying to others and to yourself."

 

[IrisL]

It's true analyse him that way.,,

Who does that kind of action towards anyone HAVE to be LABELED!!! That's problem even if it's seems like that is not just yours - it's anyone problem can be and can become who ever will contact towards a pedophile- especially kids.
You don't take near your kids that kind of people... Understand he is your father but would you risk a lifelong harm towards your kids?! Ask the question to yourself - how much he worth if he lies and the only thing which matters for himself is his own self? Is it a value? Is it a value what would you teach to your kids?

My opinion the first thing isn't to confront him - that's useless and he feel himself justified... He will be only threatened by the actual conciquences. Not the actual heavy lends of his action.
You have to tell to your family. Not to hi - will no point and I would take on that a poison pill, because if it's would be different he will confess towards you and towards your sisters to what he had done!

Ask yourself if you know you did something wrong how would you react? How would you react if you hurt someone? How would you try to correct it?

He is hiding - and he will always - the only thing what you can do label him - first by the family - you will see who true who is no value.

You can clear up your family a list of people don't have a chance for that. Label him by to get to know your family. Your family with to know it. If they don't react correctly they don't have real value.
It's hard as hell - especially because sometimes you got back wrong values from people who you think they had.
Is up to you - do you really want to clear out the bad?! If yes take action but not toward him... He is a narcistic abuser who has no reponsibility - because even if he has the urge to do these things his values and his responsibility would stop him.
But it's didn't!! Because he don't have - that's why both of your sister are damaged by a narcistic selfish abuser pedophile!
Think twice and LABEL him without question! You don't want to get damaged by him or to get anyone else.
Think he is selfish and he will not question himself - otherwise he would already done it! And he will manipulate by his nature - that who is he.

 

[katz]

I'm not sure if this will help, but I thought that I might share my story. As I learned and remembered what had happened to me by my father, I could not decide if I wanted to "tell".... I decided to tell.
It was a horrible experience! The whole family erupted at me and accused me of lying. And, of course, he denied it all. Everyone in the family broke contact with me, or at least took a step back from me. I buried my memories. I mean actually forgot them again. (amazing, huh?)
It's been many years since then. I am now dealing with these horrible memories, thoughts, and feelings on my own. I know that I will not just "bury" them, ever again. I know that someday I will speak to "him" again.
My point is that maybe, you should just talk to him one on one. Just the two of you. It's not worth upsetting everyone. Especially, the kids. You could keep their contact with him to a minimum--or never, your choice. I would let him know that you are aware of what happened, and will not trust him--ever. Make him very aware that you will be watching him and that his "secret" is no longer just his.
I know that I will be facing my father again before he passes on. Only, this time it will be just the two of us. It will make me feel more powerful when I accuse him one on one--and show him "physical" proof of what he did to me!
I don't recommend a letter-or an email to him--all it will do is get passed around the family like a poisin. It might even be shown to the kids at some point. (maybe when their older. Letters and emails can be saved forever.) I think that you might have more then you want to handle. Just think about it, and the effect it can have on the kids too. I have no relationship with my nieces--or older sister, since this happened to me. I never will. I will always be their "crazy aunt". :(

 

[Neverthesame]

@katz While I agree with the principal of what you are suggesting, I don't think it is a good idea to confront your abuser alone.

This is something that is going to make them very angry and probably somewhat frightened. (Which is fine, I wouldn't give a flying f*ck about their feelings either. But a cornered animal with nothing to lose, is a very dangerous one.)

My concern is, this is someone who has no problem or ethical dilemma about causing you physical harm. I think it would be a good idea to bring backup.

Ensure your own safety, then tear the piece of shit a new asshole.

 

[katz]

@katz While I agree with the principal of what you are suggesting, I don't think...

You might be right. I will have to really think about who I would want to hear what I want to say. The "proof" that I want to show him is a letter that I wrote when I was very young. 3rd or 4th grade, we think, because of the handwriting and the words used. In the letter I am asking "God" to help me. I specifically tell "God" who is hurting me, I tell Him that I told my Mommy, as I ask him "why won't you make him stop?" "I thought Jesus loved kids?"
It was a very, very, very sad letter to find. I was very saddened by it. But, it gave me the "proof" I needed---for myself. I had never completely believed even myself, till I found this letter.

One of the things that has occurred to me, if I were to ever face him, one on one, would be to show him this letter (a copy of course!) and tell him that no one may believe me --but "He" knows and He believes me! You will meet him soon, and you will be judged".
I'm sure that this would make him very, very nervous! He has always attended church (why, I don't know) If he were to deny it again to me --all I would tell him is that, "you can deny this to everyone else--but He knows. And He will be your judge."

I highly doubt that he would do anything physical. In our family, as I grew up, our family would not fight physically, We all know how to fight verbally and emotionally. (Which can actually hurt more! If you word it "juuust "right.) Note how I threatened him, yet, it would not be me to punish or hurt him. So don't worry, all of us (in the family) know how to fight very, very well. I have no doubt that I can say a few things that would startle even him, if I wanted.

One of the things that a councelor said would be good for me would be to write him a letter. Then, if I never confront him, I could put it in his casket. I think that I will definetly do this, whether or not I confront him. It would give me a chance to say everything-even the things that I can't say around any one else.

 

[katz]

I was re reading my last note and starting thinking about the "letter to my dad". I think that I will include -- in his casket-- a letter to God. I want to tell Him a few things also (not angry things at all) I would like to be sure (in my mind) that he knows everything. In other words, I want the Judge to have all the information in front of him before he passes "judgment".

This would really make me feel like I had told on him. And, to someone who will always believe me. Wow! I feel like a lawyer who I know has already won the case. !! ! What a great feeling!