Relationship How To Cope With A Gf W/ Ptsd

[joe b]

Hi. I just signed up so I can find out a little more about PTSD as my girlfriend is a sufferer. She told me from the start that she had it, but had no impact. I read a little about it and figured, "I can deal with that."

That's actually far from the truth. Lately, she has been so distant that it almost seems like she doesn't like me. Just the other day she was telling me how much I mean to her and she really cares for me. We would be able to talk all day long and lately she's been shunning me. I can't get through. She won't talk to me. Almost like she's deliberately ignoring me. She's never said anything rude or mean. She's never put me down in any way, and she is normally EXTREMELY friendly. I don't understand what is going on. I feel as if I've done something wrong, but I keep looking back and I can't find anything that she could possibly be mad at me for. I feel like she is annoyed with me and all I want to know is if she is okay.

Am I being impatient with her? What's going on in her mind? What do I do? Do I just leave well enough alone and wait for her to approach me or should I try to reassure her in some way?

I really like this woman. Up to this point, everything about her seemed to clicked with me. She's absolutely gorgeous and kind at the same time and just her smile can turn a bad day good.

This is my 1st post and am new at experiencing an issue in a relationship like this and I'm very confused.

Thanks!!

 

[Mr. Smith]

Hi Joe and welcome! I tend to push away people I care about (love) so they wont get hurt like I was by my world. She might be doing the same thing, but I don't know. It's true I could have a bad day and just be an ass to the people I care about but what gets me is when this person says "No matter what I will always be here for you" I can't discribe the feeling, a sad, happy, melting feeling. I tend to push people away one day, get back the next. I don't think you are doing anything wrong you seem to care about her very much so I hope all goes well with you both. If you have any questions just ask.

 

[joe b]

I appreciate your advice and time to listen. I've tried reassuring her that I would be there no matter what I had to put up with. I don't think I was quite expecting this, but if this is the worst, then I guess it's not so bad. Like I said, most of the time she is VERY awesome.

Before bed, if I haven't heard from her, I'll leave her a message that I still care and she is still on my mind.

I'm diligently trying to learn all I can about this so that I can help her cope, if possible. I don't believe that just because someone has had something extreme happen to them and now suffer with PTSD should have to do it alone. I know they didn't ask for it to happen and it's not their fault. I had a bad case of panic attacks and anxiety and my daughter's mother was never there to support me and it killed me inside. I might not know exactly how you or any other person suffering with PTSD feel, but I do know that things happen and I don't want to give up on her because of something she never wanted.

Again, thank you! Any and all information is appreciated.

 

[MurphyJB]

Hey, Joe.
Welcome to the forum.
Being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD is a log bumpy ride. It can definitely work...with a lot of effort on your part.
Best of luck to you.

 

[Nicolette]

Hi. I just signed up so I can find out a little more about PTSD as my girlfriend is a sufferer. She told me from the start that she had it, but had no impact. I read a little about it and figured, "I can deal with that."

Welcome Joe and join the club with that thought.... I read about PTSD and really had no idea what I was getting into. Would I change it - no as I love my husband but it wouldn't have been easier if some days didn't happen. :whistling:

Lately, she has been so distant that it almost seems like she doesn't like me. Just the other day she was telling me how much I mean to her and she really cares for me. We would be able to talk all day long and lately she's been shunning me. I can't get through. She won't talk to me. Almost like she's deliberately ignoring me.

It sounds to me like 'Isolation' Joe which is often difficult for someone in your position to deal with. The logic makes sense but emotions and feelings don't always follow what you have learned or read is symptomatic of an illness even if you love someone. Deb wrote a post from a Sufferer's point of view the other day which may help you.... [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/why-i-isolate.16988/"]Why I Isolate[/DLMURL].

I am a little short of time but I would suggest reading the 'sticky threads' (at the top of each section) in the Supporter sections as a starting point as what you are describing sounds in character for someone with PTSD who is overloaded or is dealing with too much/too many emotions (good and/or bad) at once. It is a form of shutting down to stop their brain from overloading.

I would also recommend you read about The Stress Cup contained in the pdf attached to this thread [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/understanding-ptsd-by-anthony-parsons.13878/[/DLMURL].

Good luck.

 

[Brontie]

Joe,

It really sounds like you are doing all you can and that’s all anyone can do. My hubby was in your situation and I didn’t always appreciate his help. Not that this will help you much just now but I did come to appreciate it very, very much.

 

[amethist]

Hi Joe

Maybe many suffers would say that they did not appreciate the help at time. They do have their own minds, and still trying to prove that they can be and do all they were and did before PTSD.

Give her some time to adjust a bit more to your relationship, and that you are there with her, through the good and bad days.

It may be all she needs.

Take care of yourself.

Amethist

 

[Tinyflame]

H Joe, I hope she opens up to you honestly. Give her time, no pressure, and keep things feeling safe.

Peace to you.

 

[caliaviator]

Predictability is key. Try to be there for her, give her the space she needs, but at the same time let her know you're there to listen to her by giving her little gifts. Also, don't do anything that might excite or worry her, as that will make the situations worse. Is your girlfriend going to therapy?

 

[Foxtrot]

It's a similar situation for me Joe, and I'm often finding that she spends time with friends instead of me. She goes to small parties and doesn't invite me, or goes out and doesn't include me. I figure it's because an intimate relationship such as ours brings stress to her and maybe my mere presence is pressure when she'd rather just be. Anyone else have that experience? Your loved one isolates, but only from you? Thoughts?

 

[OKRADLAK]

I have heard this and it is my personal experience, that sometimes people with PTSD already feel dead and are just waiting for the rest of them to catch up. It's very hard to live in a living world when you are dead. How do you muster up emotions? You CANNOT feel them so you fake them so as not to hurt those around you.

It is hard to just get through 15 minutes, let alone a whole d&mn day and also try to comb your hair, act decent, act like you are still alive. It is almost impossible.

Doesn't mean it can't be helped......but it's way more than most people can even imagine.

 

[Tinyflame]

Even with emotions it can feel that way, no present or future, just (that) you are a major liability.