How To Make Your Self Unpopular

[Suzetig]

@Bloomy it sounds like you expect rejection because you were rejected - so you know it's possible because it's happened before, and it's so painful you don't want it to happen again so you watch out, ready to catch it before it catches you.

The problem is though that if you see something that looks a bit like rejection, you pull back so as not to get hurt. I wonder what would have happened if you had joined the others on the hike they had planned instead of the one you planned? I know when folk tend to withdraw it can be hard to know how to connect so I can understand people deciding to go on the other hike just because the knew the other person better.

The church event sounds lovely but you make it sound second best - it might not be what you hoped to do but you might find people to connect with.

Loneliness is a horrible horrible feeling and I get that it's something you want to change but change means doing things differently, which can be very scary. I wish you courage to keep making connections and hope you find support here.

 

[aut555]

It is very difficult being alone @Bloomy
Let me rephrase that, feeling...

Thought this was a beautiful message, l should read this everyday. Ptsd makes you see it's because of you, people respond a certain way, take off that filter, and it becomes more their issue and not yours in how they respond to you and others.

 

[Bloomy]

Didnt want to go on the other hike cause I had planned to go on my hike to a diferent place then the other leader. The other hikers on the other hike goes to way to slow for me too. 10 km in 7 hours? In addition I had planned a nice hike to a diferent place so I wanted to follow up my plan.
The people to come to these hikes didnt know the other person nor me. @Suzetig
I know the other tourleader didnt think that maybe it wasnt his best move to plan a hike and to meet at the same location as me at the same time and that this would create confusion.

The hikes are merely a symbol of what I encounter coming to this issue. Aware that its on me. I need to read through messages here later. Breathe. I think there are good inputs. But now - a new day and of to school.

 

[Mytime]

Hello Bloomy my friend:) I think you already know what I'm going to say :)
But I'm happy to say it again and again. I think your a strong, beautiful, kind hearted caring and loving person. You have been supportive and can make me laugh. You can see beauty in the world and catch it in the Lens of your camera. Then share it with us.
As I hear your tell the story of the hiking, I can't help but think it was not a personal thing against you. This is why. If I planned a hike and someone else planned a hike. Everyone knows each other, I wouldn't think twice if everyone just started walking together. More the merrier. I could be way out of line, because I don't know them. But maybe they were wondering why you didn't join them.

Bloomy you have a lot to offer and people would be lucky to have you as a friend.
I choose my friends and don't really give them a choice, lol. But as far as a invested friendship in the work place, not so much. To much drama can go on and it's the last place I would need it. Sending hugs :)

 

[Suzetig]

So, you didn't want to go on their hike, and they walk at a very different pace and you were both going to different places? I wonder if, with a bit of distance, that they weren't rejecting you necessarily - they just chose a hike that suited their ability and the place they wanted to go.

I can see how it would feel rejecting and certainly can hear how lonely you sound but we each get to make decisions about how we spend our time - you wanted one thing, and did it and they wanted a different thing and did that. If you tell yourself it was because they didn't want to spend time with you of course you'll feel lonely and rejected - but it's a congnitive distortion, like all the others that we need to challenge as part of this disorder.

 

[Friday]

I know the other tourleader didnt think that maybe it wasnt his best move to plan a hike and to meet at the same location as me at the same time and that this would create confusion.

We do this here, an awful lot. Everyone meets at base camp at the same time, and then people split off into smaller groups according to difficulty. The advanced, intermediate, beginners/slow/easy. That way everyone still gets to socialize at the beginning, and ride share to the base. Usually there's a meetup at the end, but it varies, usually by how close the nearest pub is. ;) If there is one, the groups that get back earlier tend to stick around, if not, then alternate transportation is arranged for those who came up together.

I wonder if the other group leader was coming from a place more like mine? Where it's considered polite / encourages more participation to plan in tandem? (And whichever group leader names the place, the others need to follow their lead, and find stuff based off of whomever had their shit together first, rather than try and hijack by picking a different time and place). But he just screwed up, because that's not the way it's done where you are?

Granted, he could have just been being an asshole.

Either way, though, it's on him. Either he screwed up trying to be polite, or he's a jerk. Nothing to do with you :)

 

[anonymous]

@expectingbetter - same here - I give up on people that attacks me or give me charat...

So you thought I was judging you, attacking you?

Please read what I said again.

I was actually giving you reasons why it's not you, why your posts may not be getting replies like other posts do.

I was saying this forum echoes real life, social and/or non PTSD related threads get more replies for this reason while more serious threads go ignored.

I have a feeling you completely misunderstood me and jumped on the hater bandwagon because other people misinterpreted what I said, too.

Bottom line, I wasn't attacking or judging you. I'm going to chalk this one up to a whole lot of defensive PTSD reactions by a whole lot of people fueling the flames.

Peace!

 

[Bloomy]

Anonymous - stay the f*ck away from my thread. Iwasnt talking to you. That you feel so is your f*ckin problem.

I have enough issues in my life and I dont f*ckin need buggers like you to f*ck it up more.

You can take what I say as f*ckin personal as you want but I wasnt talking to you - can you get that in your head?

Stay away - I dont need your comment. Leave.

If you dont have respect for that Im going through a dificult time then dont bother.
.

 

[Bloomy]

Sorry about that but I have enough shit on my table to deal with and today Im having a total break down People who take things I say as personal and say

Bottom line, I wasn't attacking or judging you. I'm going to chalk this one up to a whole lot of defensive PTSD reactions by a whole lot of people fueling the flames.

You have no f*ckin clue of what Im going through .Call me defensive I dont give a shit. Thanks for pukin the f*ck on me again about your stupid little world.

Now Ill go and puke - you where just what I needed on a day like this.

 

[Bloomy]

There are good and useful comments here for me and Ill copy paste them into another thread.
Im not following this anymore as its makes me sick.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I'm hoping that you have calmed down enough to listen to some advice. When someone is upsetting you, there are 2 rules of action that is advisable.

1) is to step away, untill you have calmed down enough so that you don't attack and chance getting banned.
2).my all time favorite.... Just ignore them, no matter what they say, how they say it, or what they do. Ignoring them is the best revenge. It actually pisses them off more to be ignored.

When someone does something to piss us off, many timetimes they may be looking for a reaction. Not giving them one is the better way to go.

I'm hoping you have a better day tomorrow....

 

[lostforgottensoul]

2).my all time favorite.... Just ignore them, no matter what they say, how they say it, or what they do. Ignoring them is the best revenge. It actually pisses them off more to be ignored.

Amen! If I could like 20 times I would!