How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

[fin]

Dear Forum My day has been ...different and so I am making my mark again, it has been

Tiring and depressingly looong also. I am disheartened by myself
and my behaviour I should have seen it coming maybe

I can see that I have been going on too long with no
breaks- really looong and difficult six months, in fact the last six wees have been badly loong.
I can also see that I need to slow and take time out to relax somehow.
I dont think it will be sky diving though. .. in fact I can pretty much guarantee it now...lol
I am tired for sure and I know I have learnt a lesson a valuable lesson - When in doubt ask, I just got put off because of something I asked about in the real world, and I just needed help and a friend to perhaps be there as I have been for them thats all really I needed & to slow down someone to give a dam or build a bridge with maybe... it has ben one thing after another and I forgot about complacency, after all my goings on about it- I forgot :rolleyes: or say something maybe, tell someone it is difficult (I should have done that, but mayb ethe wrong person is who I told- I did try to though I really did try to) because people understand Im just not very good at asking for help either is all especially when it makes me so very vulnerable .

So I tried alot of different things last night from Bec's thread to help me sleep. I can say that after all my weird venting and freaking out... I actually slept although that isnt probably the way to go about it It is just that is what I have been used to being on the receiving end of, esp recently -Real World- people taking their stuff out on me, and I am truely tired of it right now, I know it will get better I hope it will get better.

So today has been what it has been, but hey it could be better tomorrow (I hope). Long pause

 

[trapped]

today has been productive, but relaxing at the same time.

I got out for a run in the morning. Then I got my room super organized. Then I talked to some friends I haven't talked to in a while. Then I went for a swim, and then spent some time in the sun. I love being in the water, and I had forgotten how much that and spending time in the sun helps me cope with anxiety. And I did a tiny bit of painting. And even though those are little things, I was able to appreciate the little things, which was nice.

 

[fin]

today so far has been productive also trapped for me here I am tired now though I love the new vent thread that anthony set in motion, it will i hope help me to let go of somethings that have been keeping me held down and in pain for too long, I am tired now though and I think sleep will help me some right now perhaps also

I am still not able to cope that well with going out into the sun or otherwise and perhap until i need less support or until someone can tolerate to have me around in their life possibly also i may stay this way, but I am hoping that will not be the case for all time... i am somehow still stupidly optimistic an dmaybe challenging a little too much for som e also. it is a long and painful process learning to manage somehow when you have lived in fear for soo long, and the days seem so painful on top of the night too. I hope for better things in time for me, I know I feel perhaps some bitterness but not toward others only unto myself and it is crippling and debilitating both at the same time.... i live and have yearnings and passions and I just hope that one day I will find that the next day is different more so over perhaps than anything I wish for that now for myself too also I am saddening i know it maeks sense but i am soo very struggling and in pain and i just wish i coould find some other way to just be

sorry the tears are bad again now have to stop now

 

[TLight]

I had a crappy day today..........frustrating dealing with the psyche doctor's office and getting them to just transfer some paperwork so I can get on with my plan of moving to a cabin in eastern washington..........
I feel like since I'm 'mental' I'm on the bottom of the dung heap.

I don't like saying I'm on disabilty.......I want to be normal, have and keep a job, buy some land...........but instead, I battle with red tape to just get food to get by.........

I'm thinking when its time to recertify my disability........I'd rather just live in my car and beg for food......can't stand the humiliation.

In short, I'm having a bad day and can't seem to stop the negative thoughts........although I must admit, I'm not trying very hard right now. Just tired of being 'mentally ill' and having to deal with all that comes along with that when you can't work.

 

[trapped]

I can't decide how today has been yet. I'm disappointed with myself for not being able to reach my running goal this morning- although maybe I should be proud of myself, because the reason I didn't was because my shins were hurting so I listened to my body instead of pushing myself.

I went swimming and that made it a good day. But there's this pesky bee, just a single ****ing bee, that yesterday and today has cut my swims short. I'm terrified of bees. I'm allergic too. So I got out of the water sooner than I intended and ran inside. Never got back in the water, as I was afraid that'd make the bee come back, but I did manage to lay near the pool in the sun, which made me feel happier.

I'm supposed to meet up with someone this afternoon and we'll probably just hang out and watch a movie. I'm not sure I want to meet up with him today any more though, and I don't know what to do. I suppose take another xanax and tough it out, and maybe arrange for one of my friends to call me after a couple hours so I have an excuse to cut our visit short.

 

[goingonhope]

Not so much about the day, more about the immediate present.

Once again, started communicating and writing something which I now again cannot finish. FRUSTRATING !!! :crazy:

Worried, and must take some more actions right now though. My neice is having a graduation party as I write. I'm home, having not gone, because I feel so physically ill and meanwhile our Aunt and my God mother who is senior in years and lives with a neurological condition is missing.

She lives across the street from me and is not answering her door, nor has she responded to telephone calls. She was expected at such graduation party and wouldn't miss it intentionally for the world. She is not answering her door. I've been using hopeful, positively self-talk but as time continues to pass and I'm not hearing from her, I am inventing possible stories as to what has happened and I'm so worrying.

Calling and going over to check upon her, again.

 

[liv now]

Hmmmm. Well today I have felt a whole range of emotions, which was scary!!!! I felt sad this morning and grumpy. I felt disheartened as well. But now I feel tired but peaceful.

 

[skyp56]

I haven't seen this thread before. (That's the right terminology?) But I may try to post to it daily.

Today, and for the last several days, not so good. Feeling lonely, and I don't know how to fix that.

Thanks to all who share their good and bad days!

skyp

 

[liv now]

well my day has just started. It is cold so snuggled up in bed with nice hot cuppa. I feel optimistic about my day

 

[Anton]

I met a friend on the street today. I kissed her and she asked how I was so I told her what happened etc.
Not only was that the first time I told a friend about it, but it was the first normal talk/contact I've had in over 4 months.
Was triggered (of course) when I moved on, but still felt like I achieved something.
A small step, but still a step.

 

[Let It Be]

I was able to pick up the phone and I called someone that was once an acquaintance but like she said we are developing a friendship. This is huge for me. As usual, we talked and talked. I told her of my decision not to talk to my sister, and will just let the answering machine pick up.

I also realized that I needed to get my stories out of me and how I just allowed my sister to cross my boundaries over and over because she was my sister. What was I thinking? I began to write and write so I could start releasing some of these emotions that are in the past, so I can be in the present where my sister is concerned.

I guess right now I have to see what I feel like when she calls and I don’t answer the phone? I just know how angry she was about my brother with wanting to block his phone #. I have given my sister my e-mail address more times than I can count and she has never e-mailed me, so at least I don’t have to worry about that.

I guess I am just tired of being afraid of her, I can’t continue to twist myself up into a pretzel everything she calls, and to listen to her anger. What would I have thought if this person was a friend instead of my sister?

Today I have a new word for myself: resentments

My stories that I wrote were really “resentments”. I can now take this time for myself to heal from a lifetime of anger that turned to resentments by my family members.

 

[Anton]

I put tires on my long time dysfunctional bicycle and actually rode it too.
Without difficulties.

Hardly any PTSD problems today.

Except when a girl kept bumping into me in the supermarket.
Nice attractive girl.
I wanted to punch her in the face. :mad:
Fortunately I didn't have to wait long before I could pay my stuff and leave, or I'd have been forced to drop everything and walk away.
That would have been embarrassing.