Yesterday on my GP visit I posted already. GP gave hubs a choice of a cast or a boot for his ankle and put him on bedrest for 2 weeks. Went and got him the boot. He is only to get up for bathing and bathroom. He has been home for a week already and he was now told he screwed it up really well and they think the tendons may have ripped completely so it has to be completely immobilized, two more weeks added on top of that now and get rechecked then to see what progress is made and if he can work again then. 3 weeks of zero income is going to be rough. I love him, but it is wearing on me doing his share, feeling like I have 5 kids care for, and I hate seeing him in pain. No income doesn't help either. It is killing me doing so much.
I get called this AM to get more shit over not going to services. But I am just numb to it all at this point, even his death. I am just not feeling again, except panic and want to throw up.
I was feeling good I could get in a size 5, and I will admit at 5ft a size 5 is a little chunky still compared to how I used to be, but my teen daughter has a death wish. She made a big ass comment at me when I was bending over... I had been driving all damn day and was worn out. Don't jack with me.:cussing: My husband said to her all nice. Listen, your momma's temper hasn't been all that easy to keep in check. You running around and sounding like an asshole to her is not the wisest move you can make, you are going to find her knocking you on your ass or off a wall. And then he added and personally the way you have been treating her you are lucky she hasn't yet and I think she needs to.
I am so frigging sick of the fat comments from that brat. Last time my sons cornered her when she out of the blue made one of those comments. I just let them rip her a new ass and walked off. I used to have a steller bod that would stop traffic, not all it is cracked up to be... I was embarassed at how I looked and contributed to a lot of my fears about men to add people do not think you have half a brain to add to it. After being raped a few times it was a curse to look like that. Just because I don't anymore in the last couple years and have a more normal body and am by no means "fat" now and she has to be such a frigging ass about it. I told her it is what is upstairs that matters. Not the shell. She is following in mom's steps and she is a beauty, but she is a dumb ass who thinks that is all she needs. I checked a book out for her. "beauty fades, dumb is forever". And I know I am over protective of her because I want to spare her what I went through.
How is that for ironic? On one hand I would love to look like that again for my husband and myself but it sends me hiding in my home when I did look like that and feared any guy who made a move on me. I have *never* dated a guy who came on to me. I just wish I could yell at all the women who stirve to look like the "ideal" image STOP! Just because that is the shit guys hang posters of in the garage... DO you really want that???? Because that is all anyone sees, you are nothing but and inanimate object once you acheive it! Everyone assumes you are a bitch because you are shy or scared; the good guys won't give you the time of day because they would never think you would date a normal guy, until you get the guts to ask them out. It sucks on so many levels. And I can't believe my daughter thinks this is all great when I have been trying as she has grown to get it through her head she needs to be a smart woman, and the heart and soul matter. Have compassion. The other stuff is just crap.
At the doc the nurse said "isn't she beautiful?" he said "she sure is" then popped off at him... "I am talking about the baby" I wanted to crawl into a hole! I was so embarassed that I wore clothing that showed my figure for a change. Back in baggy today.
My sons are great when they catch me going through my old clothes trying to find something to fit. They always tell me I am beautiful just like my husband does. I am raising some good boys. I know they will not be pigs. Well, not total pigs, I still believe men are all pigs to a certain degree on some level... But so are women.
Have more but I am throwing it in the diary and I have to go get children...
