Supporter Husband Has Ptsd & I Need Help On What To Do

[BloomInWinter]

I urge you to keep a log of all his activity. Report EVERYTHING to the police. Document EVERYTHING.

A handy stalking log (can be used for harassment, too) is here;

[DLMURL]http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_IncidentandBehaviorLog(goodone)759[/DLMURL]

 

[wife of]

All of the above and stop calling him or taking his voice calls. Forcing him to communicate via other media options gives you evidence to keep...

Keep a log of any attempts to contact you via phone or third party.

Get that protection order asap.

It doesn't mean you do not love him or that you are wimping out or any other excuse you may have thought..It simply means you are protecting you and your children.

 

[PTSDCopWife]

Thank you everyone for the advice & support! I appreciate it.

My husband has filed the seperation papers. He has not seen me or his baby in over a week. The only time he texts me is to say ugly things to me and threaten to take everything (baby house, cars). Its been 4 days since he texed & asked about our baby, (she has been real sick and had RSV) Instead of texting me all the threats you would think he would at least send one text in there asking if she was ok.


I went to a lawyer. I feel a lot safer now doing that, and I do not reply back to my husbands text. I just ignore them. He is acting like a complete stranger, like I am the enemy. I miss my husband so much. I still can't believe this is happening to me when I wake up in the mornings. I feel like my best friend, my soul mate completely vanished.

The only thing that is keeping me strong is knowing that Jesus is holding me right now. I gave all my burden and stress to Jesus & I know he will help me through this.

Thank you all again

<Paragraph breaks inserted for readability >

 

[Eleanor]

(((((PTSDCopWife)))))) Well done getting a lawyer!

I am so sorry you have lost your husband (at least for the forseeable future). It really is like they vanish and a horrible new person takes their place. Grief, horror, anger... and the whole grieving process follows.

Prayers for you and your baby...

 

[PTSDCopWife]

Yes He is a Completely diffrent person. Thank you all so much for the support & advice. I have a lawyer & we are getting a divorce.

I miss my husband so much. Not my PTSD husband, but my normal husband. My loving husband who usually kisses me so much I cant get any housework done because he is always behind me with his arms around me loving on me.

I saw him a few days ago to let him see the baby (with my supervision. ) He looked horrible. He looked skinny & stressed out. I can't even imagine him opening the fridge without my help. I take such good care of him, cooking, cleaning and washing his clothes.

When I last saw him, we both cried and hugged eachother countless times. It was very emotional for both of us seeing eachother again. When he hugged me I could tell he did not want to let go of me.

But he still insisted a divorce is our only option. He says having a wife & family at home is too much pressure & stress for him to deal with. & that its easier for him to just be alone & having us gone.

Which is not my loving husband who normally would do anything for us. I hope he gets help and gets better. For his daughter's sake atleast.

I know he is going to deeply regret doing this. That man is inlove with me. I could feel it the way he would look at me & touch me. Now he is a stranger. Thank you for the prayers

 

[Eleanor]

((((((((((PTSDCopWife)))))))):cry:

A real life Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde. How unutterably sad for both of you.

Because his PTSD is so out of control and takes such an ugly form I think you DO need to get divorced to protect yourself and your baby - you are both just factually correct there. My T here does "good divorces" - there might be someone there who does it too and would be helpful to talk to. "Collaborative divorce" they call it. Don't know if that's appropriate with PTSD but is worth a phone call. But that's only IF (and it is a big IF) he stays out of the episode. Keep all the restraining orders etc in place. The legal world needs what it needs to deal with Mr. Hyde.

You need to be crystal clear (and he does too) that Dr. Jekyl is real ONLY if he gets help and does the right stuff (give you the house, get rid of the guns, puts people e.g. the police etc on notice about himself, admits, in a legally binding way, to his behavior. If he, in short boxes in Mr.Hyde.) This sort of thing (plus serious therapy EMDR/ET will help him get the PTSD under control. And getting the symptoms under control takes time, months at a minimum. If he is a hero by nature (a lot of people who become cops are) and Dr Jekyl is real and loves you, he will slay this dragon. If not, well, then only Mr. Hyde is on the table and you need him out of your life.

This next is just a bit of a hunch, you might want to take a look at the "co-dependency" threads here for you - do a search and read through some. Co-dependency is very stressful for the people doing it. Just a thought.

Prayers for you all...

 

[iluvdesserts]

I am soo sorry for you and your family.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

He is also not communicating with his family or friends. He is blowing everyone off. Not just me. If I do move out like he's asking, I will be moving with the kids to my Mom (who lives far away). I feel like if I leave, I will never beable to help him. He is crying telling me "I know I will regret this, but I have to do it for you. You and the kids need someone Normal. I will never be happy, with or without you. There is something wrong with me". I bed him to go to the Veterans ER. But he will not even consider it.



<edited for basic grammar by Deaf Global Nomad>

He is lucky and blessed to have you. I think he has to hit rock bottom before he will begin to think of getting help. It is hard to say what is around the corner for you guys. Mabe a vacation to your mom's house so you can gather your thoughts and get some space and breathing room. Having good boundries, so while you are taking care of yourself and the kids, you set limits and it is a self protection mechanism. If all he wants to do is sit in a dark room, there isn't much you can do. This is a heartbreaking situation you are in. I wish you the best. Take what you like or toss it.

 

[Y.C.]

He is also not communicating with his family or friends. He is blowing everyone off.

By reading your post I think I am reading exactly what I am going through with my husband.

When we first met he seem all normal and very loving when we started dating but then wowwwwwwwwwwwwww. I have to be careful with what I say and do. For moments he is fine, loving and fun but then all of the sudden it feels like it transforms into a completely different person. Later on he apologizes and is all loving again but it all comes back again.

Very friendly to others but when it comes to me is pure hate sometimes. When he is having his episodes of anger I rather not say a word and leave him alone but how much insults I can take? He wants me to leave him alone but when I do he screams cause I left him alone. I honestly don't know what to do, it feels like I am going insane.

 

[tiredofhurting]

From a ptsd sufferer (me) I tell my wife sometimes I don't want to be with her anymore but its only out of shame on myself that I hurt her during my periods of hate and pain(usually all the time) I feel as if she doesn't need to be with this wild animal that can't control it's self. But I still Love her and wish we could be the people we were before I deployed..........

 

[Dalepitoo]

Oops sorry, wrong thread!

 

[tiredofhurting]

Thank you I hope I can find answers so I can be my old self again