Hi, I’ve never done this before but I’m really struggling with my ptsd and I don’t want to talk to anyone I know or anyone face to face, I’m done trying to pretend that I’m fighting and that I’m going get through this! I’m sick of always trying to be optimistic so others can feel better or try and help others to just ease my guilt for been so low and brining people down with me.
I’m a veteran and I’ve now been out officially for 2 years, I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD or CPTSD one or the other I can’t really remember when I had my diagnosis because I was so out of it with different medications etc. 2 years ago I tried to take my life and was unsuccessful and I hate that it didn’t work. The only thing that preventing me from doing it again because of the guilt of what it would do my family.
To the outside world I’ve got a perfect life. A job I’m good at and pays me well and I really enjoy it because it distracts me, a nice comfortable home, beautiful and amazing child and a very supportive loving husband and the rest of my family. But it just doesn’t feel right, I know what I’m supposed to feel for them but I can’t connect those with me I just feel disconnected and I don’t want to keep having the nightmares, waking up drenched in sweat and my anxiety so high, if I’m not fighting to trying to get myself to sleep, I’m fighting my anxiety attacks and try to get myself thinking straight and if it not the anxiety it the depression. I don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting this.
I don’t know what point of this post but I just need to let it out before I drive myself crazy.
I’m a veteran and I’ve now been out officially for 2 years, I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD or CPTSD one or the other I can’t really remember when I had my diagnosis because I was so out of it with different medications etc. 2 years ago I tried to take my life and was unsuccessful and I hate that it didn’t work. The only thing that preventing me from doing it again because of the guilt of what it would do my family.
To the outside world I’ve got a perfect life. A job I’m good at and pays me well and I really enjoy it because it distracts me, a nice comfortable home, beautiful and amazing child and a very supportive loving husband and the rest of my family. But it just doesn’t feel right, I know what I’m supposed to feel for them but I can’t connect those with me I just feel disconnected and I don’t want to keep having the nightmares, waking up drenched in sweat and my anxiety so high, if I’m not fighting to trying to get myself to sleep, I’m fighting my anxiety attacks and try to get myself thinking straight and if it not the anxiety it the depression. I don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting this.
I don’t know what point of this post but I just need to let it out before I drive myself crazy.