I am completely lost in life

[Radmirka]

I am completely lost in life. I have depression and severe anxiety, a lot of childhood trauma, and also a lot of bad habits. I have tried many times to fix everything, to heal, but in the end I always lose. For the last 3 years, all I have been doing is trying to change my life, but each time I fall even harder. With each attempt, my hope for a better life fades more and more. I live with people who caused me these traumas, but I have no money to escape from them. I live in a country where the cost of renting an apartment is very high (I tried to live in a dorm, it was terrible, I lasted a couple of months and then moved back) Since I am currently studying, I cannot work full-time, and therefore cannot earn enough money to support myself. I really do not know how to live on, no matter how hard I try, nothing works. I am tired of this life. But I can not change it either. I am at a dead end.
P.S. I do not know English perfectly, and some sentences are made with the help of a translator. Don't judge too harshly.

 

[Survivor3]

Hello @Radmirka, and welcome to the site. I am sorry to hear of your problems, that sounds very tough. i also used to suffer from severe depression and anxiety along with a history of complex trauma. Your English is very good. In my experience trying to completely change your life so drastically always seems like a failure because your asking too much of yourself to start with. Baby steps is key. Little improvements. Kudos to you for making such an effort though.

What are you studying?

 

[Radmirka]

Hello @Radmirka, and welcome to the site. I am sorry to hear of your problems, that sounds very tough. i also used to suffer from severe depression and anxiety along with a history of complex trauma. Your English is very good. In my experience trying to completely change your life so drastically always seems like a failure because your asking too much of yourself to start with. Baby steps is key. Little improvements. Kudos to you for making such an effort though.

What are you studying?

Thanks for the answer!) I study business information systems. I think you are right, I have often tried to be perfect in everything. Even when I started to implement good habits little by little, in the end I still found myself overwhelmed with tasks. It seemed to me that I was not doing enough, and I needed to do more.

 

[Survivor3]

Thanks for the answer!) I study business information systems. I think you are right, I have often tried to be perfect in everything. Even when I started to implement good habits little by little, in the end I still found myself overwhelmed with tasks. It seemed to me that I was not doing enough, and I needed to do more.

No worries, your welcome. It's quite common I think for people to become "perfectionists" when they have "suffered" in life but like we've discussed it can be an unrealistic pitfall. I would also like to add that realising that is in itself a massive achievement !!!

Doing more is also good if its in the right areas. If you don't mind me asking, what were the bad habits that you mentioned?

 

[deno]

I know what it’s like to feel completely stuck, like nothing you do changes anything. I’ve been there, too. But even when you feel like you’ve lost, the fact that you’re still here, still trying, means you haven’t. It’s not failure. It’s survival. I don’t have easy answers, but I do know that small steps—even the smallest ones—can be the start of something different. Keep talking, keep reaching out. You’re not alone in this.

 

[Susan Jane]

I am completely lost in life. I have depression and severe anxiety, a lot of childhood trauma, and also a lot of bad habits. I have tried many times to fix everything, to heal, but in the end I always lose. For the last 3 years, all I have been doing is trying to change my life, but each time I fall even harder. With each attempt, my hope for a better life fades more and more. I live with people who caused me these traumas, but I have no money to escape from them. I live in a country where the cost of renting an apartment is very high (I tried to live in a dorm, it was terrible, I lasted a couple of months and then moved back) Since I am currently studying, I cannot work full-time, and therefore cannot earn enough money to support myself. I really do not know how to live on, no matter how hard I try, nothing works. I am tired of this life. But I can not change it either. I am at a dead end.
P.S. I do not know English perfectly, and some sentences are made with the help of a translator. Don't judge too harshly.

Sounds like a lot at once. I am sorry you feel so lost. I have many of the same, severe anxiety/trauma makes it more than hard to keep going. I started taking deep breaths in and out for a few minutes. I have to repeat this sometimes 50 times a day. Reading about the struggles of others helps me understand things more. You are not alone Radmirka. Sending you a hug Susan

 

[Radmirka]

No worries, your welcome. It's quite common I think for people to become "perfectionists" when they have "suffered" in life but like we've discussed it can be an unrealistic pitfall. I would also like to add that realising that is in itself a massive achievement !!!

Doing more is also good if its in the right areas. If you don't mind me asking, what were the bad habits that you mentioned?

I think I didn't write it quite right. I have an addiction that I'm still struggling with. I got it hoping to escape reality, but I realized long ago how wrong I was about it. Anyway, thank you very much for your support, I didn't expect so many people to respond to the post)

 

[arfie]

hello radmirka. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here but glad you are here. i love machine translators. they often make goofy mistakes, but not quite as often as i do. i talk/write weird in any language.

in my childhood, my birth family moved an average of every six months. the physical lost which comes from learning a new area never felt as desperate as the cultural lost of trying to understand the townies who lived there. "townies" is what my birth family called people who lived stable lives. i was in my mid 20's before i was able to stabilize far enough to establish a home base. 40 odd years later, i can't seem to escape that home base. it all too often feels like a vicious trap. insert lost feeling here on streets i know better than any i ever knew in my youth.

on the days i like my life i wonder, are the days i am feeling the most lost the very days i am most at home. just wondering

mostly i am just babbling by way of welcoming you aboard. steadying support while you find your place in this confusing old world.

 

[PamelaS]

I am completely lost in life. I have depression and severe anxiety, a lot of childhood trauma, and also a lot of bad habits. I have tried many times to fix everything, to heal, but in the end I always lose. For the last 3 years, all I have been doing is trying to change my life, but each time I fall even harder. With each attempt, my hope for a better life fades more and more. I live with people who caused me these traumas, but I have no money to escape from them. I live in a country where the cost of renting an apartment is very high (I tried to live in a dorm, it was terrible, I lasted a couple of months and then moved back) Since I am currently studying, I cannot work full-time, and therefore cannot earn enough money to support myself. I really do not know how to live on, no matter how hard I try, nothing works. I am tired of this life. But I can not change it either. I am at a dead end.
P.S. I do not know English perfectly, and some sentences are made with the help of a translator. Don't judge too harshly.

Welcome Radmirka, sorry for what you’re going through. I understand 100% as I am now living in the house with my abusive husband who caused the trauma that I am now dealing with. I spent the last two years in a constant state of triggering. I think I may finally be safe possibly??? I’ve managed to lock myself in a separate part of the house and use boundaries to distance myself from him. It’s taken two years for him to even acknowledge my boundaries. I feel for you. At least I have some relief. I know how triggering it can be. And then you’re stuck in the muck again. This is a very hard time for you, but it does not define the rest of your life. You are in school and you have the hope of a better future. Don’t allow this to diminish that. Hold on to your future as you trudge through each day. Let it motivate you to carry on. We are all here for you to support you in any way we can. And your English translated very well. Thank you for letting us know your language challenges. Less likely to be judged, although most people here don’t judge. They just welcome you and support you. Best wishes for your future and for you to carry on until you get there.

 

[torturedsoul4]

I am completely lost in life. I have depression and severe anxiety, a lot of childhood trauma, and also a lot of bad habits. I have tried many times to fix everything, to heal, but in the end I always lose. For the last 3 years, all I have been doing is trying to change my life, but each time I fall even harder. With each attempt, my hope for a better life fades more and more. I live with people who caused me these traumas, but I have no money to escape from them. I live in a country where the cost of renting an apartment is very high (I tried to live in a dorm, it was terrible, I lasted a couple of months and then moved back) Since I am currently studying, I cannot work full-time, and therefore cannot earn enough money to support myself. I really do not know how to live on, no matter how hard I try, nothing works. I am tired of this life. But I can not change it either. I am at a dead end.
P.S. I do not know English perfectly, and some sentences are made with the help of a translator. Don't judge too harshly.

I'm deeply sorry that you are struggling so much. I know what it's like not having any money, nowhere to go, and no one that understands you and what you're dealing with. I will pray for you now. I wish there was more I could do other than day hang in there..

 

[Radmirka]

I'm deeply sorry that you are struggling so much. I know what it's like not having any money, nowhere to go, and no one that understands you and what you're dealing with. I will pray for you now. I wish there was more I could do other than day hang in there..

Thank you❤