I Am Feeling Meloncolic

[RussH]

My boss had to me Thursday evening to not do any prep work during the evening; just worry about the shelves.
So, that is what I did. However I came across some product that needed preping, so I put it on the prep table for the next day.

When I came into work the next morning the first thing she did was ask me If I had put the product on the prep table. I did, she then preceeded to tell me don't ever do that again. it was a simple thing, but that was all I needed to have my feelings of failure kick in.

Little things like this never seemed to bother me, at east, it doesn't seem like it. I tend to think that my emotions, and my triggers for my various symptons are much more sensitive since I was major triggered in October.

Of course there are other factors feeding into this feeling of being a failure, that it really takes very little to precipitate a reaction to a trigger. Mind you this is a minnor triggering, but it still affected the rest of the day, and I woke up this morning feeling meloncholic about my whole situation

this past year has been really lousy, and I am so ready for something good to happen; specifically a better job that will actually meet my fiscal and emotional needs.

 

[scout86]

It's funny how, sometimes, a little thing can really affect your mood and the way you see the world. There was a post the other day about the "worst" thing about PTSD. I think this might be it. I really do think it's PTSD related in many cases. It's amazing the power we have to affect others and they have to impact us as well. When I read your story, I was tempted to get into "Well, where was he SUPPOSED to put it?!" but that's not really the point, is it?

Maybe things are affecting you more right now because you're starting to pay attention to feelings more.

In any case, you DESERVE to have things start to go better, and I hope you find a better job soon!

Hang in there @RussH, we all like and appreciate you, no matter WHERE you put stuff at work!

 

[RussH]

I should have just prepped it, but I am so afraid of doing something wrong, that I followed her directions completely. It really was no big deal, but it started my day by putting me in a defensive mode, and that is never a good start to a day.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Thank you for reminding me how glad I am to be self employed. I make mistakes. I forgot I had two clients booked last Sunday and totally forgot. Only I get to beat myself up now. And it still hurts and takes time to recover.
I'm sorry you had to get triggered

 

[Springer80]

no matter WHERE you put stuff at work!

:eek: I mean really....does your boss not have a lot to worry about? :facepalm:

Sorry this made you feel like crap.

 

[Springer80]

However I came across some product that needed preping, so I put it on the prep table for the next day.

Hhhmmm, organised, efficient, thinking ahead. You must stink at your job:cautious:

 

[The Albatross]

Rather than see the situation as a criticism or fault. Can you shift your perspective and see this as an opportunity to work on your tolerance levels for accepting the idea that sometimes in spite of our efforts, we will get uncomfortable feedback? What can you do to relieve the melancholia and rebound with resilience?

 

[Friday]

I've worked jobs most of my life where the smallest details done wrong mean people die.

So I'm working a BS job, and I still have icewater for blood the moment any tiny detail is screwed up. Which, ironically, is not how I handle serious jobs. Serious jobs, I've always rolled with. Mistake. No sweat. Fix it. Done. And nobody is dead. <grin> It was only later, after everything was done, safe at home that the reaction would set in and I'd fall to pieces.

So then I turn around and am seriously freaking out about raspberry sauce, or a scrim coming down 3 seconds late. It's like I'm wired backwards, or something. The higher the stakes, the calmer I get. So, these days, when I calculate tax wrong or something really insignificant (sorry. 6.44 not 6.84) and it's WWIII and the free world is falling because I may have made someone pay an extra 40 cents that I would have had spend 2 hours trying to rectify at the end of the night? I try and crack wise in my own mind (& $10 douchebag fee for my having to put up with you). Anything not to sweat the small stuff.

 

[asldjfasldjf]

This sounds to me like a subtle toxic shame issue. I personally cannot stand any critique in the workplace without feeling tremendous guilt and shame. If you think about it, a boss shaming you for doing the right thing mimics a parent shaming a child for doing the right thing. Both are authority figures making nonsensical judgments of your actions. How you feel makes sense to me.

 

[The Albatross]

Hmm. With all due respect, there is nothing nonsensical, judgmental, or toxic about it. It was a boss expressing a preference. Not in the nice, warm or fuzzy way we would all prefer, granted. I do well to keep my thinking right sized about a situation, especially a work situation. There is no fudge room for "don't ever do that again", it's pretty direct, but there's nothing "shaming" about it.

Russ is talking about how the thought cascade made him feel during and after the situation. I needed to learn how to manage the bumps and knocks. There are tools for weathering these types of situations and also to break the thoughts that lead to "failure" and melancholia.

 

[asldjfasldjf]

@The Albatross I definitely see where you're coming from and have great respect for your proactive and non-self-victimizing approach.

 

[The Albatross]

It really isn't so much proactive as it is being conscious of various perceptions (over the default behavioral/habitual one we tend to have) and then choosing the one that is more beneficial going forward. I became very aware that my "knee jerk" perceptions were very often self defeating and wrong about half the time. If I can self examine a bit when something sets off a thought cascade that causes me to think I'm bad, a failure, or whatever... I realize that there are often more than one or two choices available to view almost any situation. Like the facets of a fine gem, very little in life has only one perspective.