Today, I left the house.
It was the first time in almost 3 weeks that I went out for more than a few minutes. I had to drive an hour away from home to a small coastal village where I am having a summer home built. The summer home was planned and custom materials ordered and paid for well before ptsd were words in my vocabulary.
Construction on the home has been going on for the past several weeks and I have been communicating with the builder by telephone only since then. But today I HAD to go down to check out a particular construction situation and make a decision about a change that had to be made.
I took a friend with me because I don't like to be alone much these days and you know what? It was one of the best days I can remember in a really long time.
We never once talked about finding Sarah's murdered body. We never talked about the murderer or court. We never talked about how I don't leave the house anymore or how I haven't been to work in so long that I worry about being an effective member of the healthcare team.
We talked about the beach and my summer home. We talked about having fun there once it was built. We talked about sitting on the deck and drinking wine while staring out at the water. The conversation was light and lifted the oppressive depression and trauma that has plagued me.
After we stopped at the site of my future summer home, we went out to a local restaurant and ate seafood chowder. We walked among the small village shops and seaside wharf. We talked and laughed.
I honestly felt almost normal again, like my old self. It gave me hope that in time I WILL be myself again. It was a glimpse into what my life used to be and will hopefully be again.
It was the best day I've had in a really long while. I hope to have many more like it in the future.
It was the first time in almost 3 weeks that I went out for more than a few minutes. I had to drive an hour away from home to a small coastal village where I am having a summer home built. The summer home was planned and custom materials ordered and paid for well before ptsd were words in my vocabulary.
Construction on the home has been going on for the past several weeks and I have been communicating with the builder by telephone only since then. But today I HAD to go down to check out a particular construction situation and make a decision about a change that had to be made.
I took a friend with me because I don't like to be alone much these days and you know what? It was one of the best days I can remember in a really long time.
We never once talked about finding Sarah's murdered body. We never talked about the murderer or court. We never talked about how I don't leave the house anymore or how I haven't been to work in so long that I worry about being an effective member of the healthcare team.
We talked about the beach and my summer home. We talked about having fun there once it was built. We talked about sitting on the deck and drinking wine while staring out at the water. The conversation was light and lifted the oppressive depression and trauma that has plagued me.
After we stopped at the site of my future summer home, we went out to a local restaurant and ate seafood chowder. We walked among the small village shops and seaside wharf. We talked and laughed.
I honestly felt almost normal again, like my old self. It gave me hope that in time I WILL be myself again. It was a glimpse into what my life used to be and will hopefully be again.
It was the best day I've had in a really long while. I hope to have many more like it in the future.
