I Can't Escape Myself

[billie]

Well I haven't been on here for a while. I guess when it got real bad I just couldn't post. My usual pattern is when it all gets too hard I just skip town or whatever. But I can't now I have a trusting relationship with my T and Dr. I just don't know if I like myself anymore. When I do work I am now alienated as the psych chick that cannot cope. Its just painful and it hurts so much. So my question is what can I do to be stronger and not worry about what people think? I feel so on edge; I love my job it used to be what kept me going.

 

[Philippa]

There's a great mantra you can repeat when you are feeling like you aren't strong. It goes "What others think of me is none of my business, only what I think of me really matters." And when you say it really feel into the words...let them sink into your brain.

 

[franciemarnie]

The truth is - the way people act towards you and what they think of you is based on where they are in their evolution, and doesn't necessarily reflect you and your reality at all.

Also, I don't think other people spend much time thinking about us. They are caught up in their own worlds.

But these are all words. As time goes by, it will change. I don't think you will care as much about what others think. It's a waste of time and tiring, but certainly human.

 

[billie]

Thanks guys for your help. It is very kind of you.

 

[Notsowild]

When I do work I am now alienated as the psych chick that cannot cope. Its just painful and it hurts so much.

I can relate to this so well. No one at work understands or cares to understand what I'm going through. Usually they just gossip and make up their own stories about me. I hate it.

 

[TeaLeaf]

Are the people at work doing things that alienate you or are you guessing what they are saying and feeling uncomfortable around them? I have found when the PTSD was really bad for me it was not so much the things that people were saying and doing but the things that my brain is interpreting. And if they are doing things that are outright mean like telling you that you are crazy, it may be helpful to work through this with a therapist and formulate good responses for when it comes up and work on ways to advocate for yourself at work.

Are you in a support group or would it be possible to look around for one? I found that the more I could connect with people that understood and could relate to my story, the less I felt isolated, crazy and hopeless. Being in a support group gave me a real sense of belonging, strength and I care a lot less about what other people think now.

I'm sorry that you are hurting and feeling isolated, I can relate to those feelings too and they suck. It sounds like before when things got tough, you used to escape and now you are staying here and working through your problems. It makes a lot of sense that things would feel more intolerable because you are present and dealing with them.

I hope things get better for you, take care.

 

[risingsun]

I have a trusting relationship with my T and Dr.

I think that it is wonderful that you have a trusting relationship with you T and Dr. Good for you. That is sometimes half the battle, trying to find good support.

I recently posted about my job situation. I was treated very badly at work. It was vicious. They knew I was sensitive and that they could "get to me." Nothing was done about the verbal abuse. Anyway, very recently, I took a leap of faith and left this job I had for years. I know in my heart that I deserve better than this. So I am currently unemployed but I am looking into other avenues.

Back to you. I think that you should walk in everyday with your head held high and tune out the emotionless, inhumane employees. Remember 'why you love your job, ' 'what you need to get done' and do it to the best possible extent without one thought of these people. Don't let them see you sweat!

However, if it does not improve, remember that there are other jobs out there. I know it is scary switching jobs, but if it has to do with keeping your joy and sanity, it can be well worth it.

You have many many skills and talents within you. Don't give up hope. Try to make everyday joyful for yourself no matter who 'snickers' at you or looks at you differently. But again, know that you can always get a new job, one in which you can find that same sense of joy you once had at this job. Best of luck to you. Things will work out.

Keep the Faith. Rising.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Wow, did I ever need to read this thread today. I still care too much what others think about me and I guess I trust others to a point until a conflict rises up.

When I am feeling out of it I just disappear for a while until I feel better.

Where does this come from?

I cannot trace it to anything in particular in my childhood where I experience multiple traumas.

I think it is tied to having peoples approval. Stupid thinking. Sounds like something I really need to work on.

Thank you so much for this thread.

I hope you resolve your problems at work for yourself or leave and get another job and have a fresh start. I wish you the very best in this seeming impossible situation.