I Can't Feel Beneath My Weird, Painful Exoskeleton (semi-disembodied)

[Born to Run]

I've nearly fainted in therapy...everything went limp and probably something changed in my eyes

Yes me too several times, as you say all goes limp, I always felt now I really give up, I can't fight this. I was standing and walking during therapy and could not walk anymore and my knees just gave up and I just fell down. Never became unconscious though.

Very very few "fun" things, just sort of surviving.

I know what you mean, but this has become particularly like this since trauma therapy for me. Before, it was also not a real life, but I had some more energy for fun things now and then.

On the floor, against the couch, knees hugged into my chest, hands or arms usually holding my head up for me...or little ball child's pose with head curled way in, feet crossed, elbows even sucked in between my knees...like as compact as I can get.

Thank you for describing this. I always thought I was the only one sitting like a totally weird clam shell in therapy, but I see there are variations now.

 

[Chava]

I'm very glad my therapist gave me permission to sit wherever I wanted right away....her space wasn't this obvious office-y set up where I felt I had to sit in a chair, like a good adult, facing her. My last therapist questioned my fidgeting and discomfort in ways that just helped me shutdown...because she was a little condescending about it (like I worried she was personally insulted by my being uncomfortable)...and I didn't know what it was about or what to say and didn't feel like there was any way she'd help me deal otherwise. I just had to figure out how to sit in a chair and not look uncomfortable. If I can't be uncomfortable in therapy, well f**k it. Anyway, she was nice but I found a different therapist because I felt myself at the backsliding point.