I can't get therapy, and don't even have the guts to kill myself

[wedon'tdowe]

I'm now 100% sure that the only way to get therapy would be to prove, beyond argument, that I need it. The only way to do that would be to kill myself or hurt someone, which means that every breath I take is a failure to do what I need to do. And it's getting ridiculous.

Every therapy service has a crazy long waiting list (god bless the NHS). I hate assessments so much, I really don't think it's healthy to sit with a stranger and tell them everything that's wrong with you, everything you've f*cked up, every nasty little detail that makes you shake for the next 3 days, then they say 'thanks, we'll get back to you', and it turns out they think you're too crazy, not crazy enough, or the wrong type of crazy so they refer you to another service so you can do the same thing again, with another stranger.

Two out of three times I can talk about it normally, and I say 'it's really messing me up' and they presumably think I'm making it up so they refer me to some depression and anxiety service then in the first or second session we touch on something when I haven't had a chance to mentally prepare, and then I start having tics and forget how to speak English and they panic, say they think I need something more intensive and refer me somewhere else, and the whole thing begins again. I've been doing this for over a year, had 3 therapists tell me they hadn't realised how severe it was and they can't continue with me, and that feels really, really awful. But what else can I do?

I've lost 2 jobs due to a hilarious habit of my brain completely freezing on certain triggers, I can't walk or talk properly, and that's understandably a bit disconcerting - and I can't use them for references, can't keep doing this just waiting for it to happen again, and I can't keep failing absolutely everything I do. That sort of thing takes its toll, and I'm on my last legs now.

Anyone know a) how to get therapy in the UK that doesn't involve another round of being assessed by an untrained idiot, misplaced, and sent back into the loop again? I tried demanding to see a psychologist, the just say it could be epilepsy and I need brain scans, they'll definitely refer me, which of course they never bother to do. Or

b) do you know anyone who's messed up literally everything they've ever tried, and got out of it? How did they do it?

 

[digger]

Don't know if you've already tried, but if not it might be worth contacting Mind Home | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems and asking if they have any suggestions. Their own services are a bit hit and miss depending on where you live, but they may be able to point you in other directions for getting help or for navigating the NHS better. They have advocacy services in some areas that might be able to get involved on your behalf.

PALS is another possible avenue if you feel you need someone else on board with trying to get better care What is PALS? - Health questions - NHS Choices

Looking at charities in your area who provide therapy might also be something to look at if you haven't already.

You have my full sympathy re. the NHS - mental health provision is woefully inadequate where I live too, and frankly, downright dangerous in terms of where they leave you with things.

 

[Friday]

I've been doing this for over a year, had 3 therapists tell me they hadn't realised how severe it was and they can't continue with me, and that feels really, really awful. But what else can I do?

Have those therapists write letters for you to bring to your next assessment?

 

[James McGregor]

I'm now 100% sure that the only way to get therapy would be to prove, beyond argument, that I need...

If you dont like the idea of therapy, why is it you feel aggrieved that you cant get it? Unfortunately in the UK the waiting lists can be long yeah, thats sadly just how it is. And your right, the only way to get it is if you demonstrate that you need it, thats how it should be. The only way that you mention is a bit on the extreme side - that wouldnt get you therapy, that would get you committed - and that tends to get you medicated rather than treated in therapy. There really is a lot wrong with the UK system, and yup - sometimes the people you see are pretty bad, ive had a few absolutely terrible ones, but there are good ones out there. So really, theres no answer, you have to play the game, always tell the truth - never embellish (we have all been tempted to do it) - it doesnt work, even the bad ones can spot embellishment in a second. I found a private person and paid about £35 a session while i was on the waiting list. Not ideal, but had to be done. Other than that im afraid the system is what it is, theres no way around it

 

[Rhoeth]

When I was still living in the UK I went to my local Mind for the peer support groups. I found it to be very helpful and it got me out of the house. The NHS is lacking on several scales. I told and pleaded to my GP that I needed help as I was in fear of my life from my husband. She was shocked and didn't know what to say. She gave me another script for meds and said to come back in two weeks. I had fled England instead of going back.
The toxic environment was not helping my mental health. And it was the only thing that I hadn't changed. I ended up having to help myself. The Mind peer support helped me when I needed it though.

 

[shimmerz]

peer support groups.

The positive connection that comes with peer support is amazing! I am so sorry for your situation but please, if you can, keep up with the peer support. There is nothing like sharing space with people who truly 'get it'.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Anyone know a) how to get therapy in the UK that doesn't involve another round of being assessed by an untrained idiot, misplaced, and sent back into the loop again?

I´m not in the UK but I had the same problem as you have.
I have spoken to so many people who had no idea what I was talking about, and shared the tragic story of the past so many times, at one point it merely became a story like any other.

This became so idiotic that I quit doing that. I quit sharing my story with strangers that I did not trust. Instead I looked for a private practitioner. If your insurance is any like it is here, it will still cover the cost because it amounts to the same thing. Or you can ask your insurance company if they cover the cost of private practices.

It´s much, much better than getting in the loop of one of those big organizations. There is only one person you get to speak to, and if you don´t like them, you move on to the next. You don´t have to tell your life story, just get acquainted with them first and see if you get along. That is the healthy way to move into an successful understanding anyway, in my opinion.

 

[digger]

If your insurance is any like it is here, it will still cover the cost because it amounts to the same thing. Or you can ask your insurance company if they cover the cost of private practices.

Don't know about the OP's personal circumstances, but just to say, few people in the UK have any kind of medical insurance. If you want to see someone privately, you would usually pay out of pocket to do so and it is beyond many people's means.