I Dont Know If I Can Do This..

[New2ptsd]

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and lived with him for a year, he is a combat vet with ptsd, tbi, depression and a list of other things. He goes to see his psychiatrist at the VA every month or so and i know he is suffering in his own mind every day. he has told me that every day he wishes the world would just end. He is so negative about everything and constantly talks about how much he hates this world and the only thing he cares about is me. I love him but all his feelings of hatred and hopelessness are depressing me. If he sees me upset he tells me "i dont have to be here that maybe he should have just been alone." Most days he is irritable or zoned out and maybe one day in the week he will have an okay day. I want so much with him like a marriage, a family, a future but realistically i dont think he would be able to handle any of those things. He is divorced and had one child with his ex. He never sees her and and never plans to and has told me he felt absolutely nothing for his child. He told me he feels nothing for no one except me. I worry that if we do end up having a child someday he will not feel anything for it as well and will completely ignore it. I think a lot about what the future will be like with him and it scares me. I dont know what to do, how can i handle this..

 

[arfie]

6 out of 7 irritable days a week... Ouch... When my ptsd is that far out of control, I know I am not going to get anywhere with it on one therapy session every month or so. Focusing all my needs onto a single person isn't gonna get me anywhere either. My significant other cannot do it for me, nor can anyone else in the world. It is an inside job. My husband used to try to do it for me, but with some gentle help from my therapy net, we were able to help him see that this is one I simply have to work through on my own, however much I wish I could just let him carry it down to the Wifey Repair Shop.

Listen to that nagging voice, New2. If you don't know how to handle it, don't. Go take care of you. Who knows. You backing off might be the ticket to his finding motivation to work on it. Might not, but... For sure, you going down the drain with him is not gonna help anything.

Gentle support while you sort out your own unique set of dynamics.

 

[blackswan]

I understand those dark days :( it's awful watching the person you love suffer so much, and so hard to have hope that things can improve when they constantly tell you that none exists.

Things can get better though. Boyfriend has been unwell for nearly the entire two years that we've been together, but his depression is slowly lifting and my friend and partner is starting to shine through again. Little bit by little bit :)

I've been getting through by getting my own therapist, pushing myself to continue doing enjoyable things even though he was at home alone and miserable (hard!), and being real with myself about the fact I have to leave if things didn't change. He doesn't know (and I will not tell him until this is all long behind us) but I have had checkpoints - how much time that I knew I could hold on if things stayed exactly the same. He's my best friend of nearly a decade ago he gets pretty long time periods, but at our one year anniversary I knew that I couldn't handle more than a year of how things were. Now at our two year anniversary I can see how much positive change has occurred :) but I also know I only have about 2 years of living like this in me. We're both working really hard at it so I'm expecting the positive change to continue, but knowing that I've given myself permission to ensure I have a happy long-term future no matter what takes pressure off our relationship needing to do it all now. It might not be something that works for anyone else, but putting it out there just in case. Cause you are a human being, not a machine, and of course you have a breaking point.