Sexual Assault I Don't Know Who To Talk To

[N3wb3droom]

I am completely new to this forum and I just want people to talk to about what happened and see if anyone can help me.
My assault happened 4 months ago and although I have told a few people about it, including my parents I am really struggling to come to terms with it at the moment. Firstly I was working abroad and the guy was someone i worked with, it happened in the last week i was there but I was drunk. I dont blame myself for it I dont think but I hate the fact I dont fully remember what happened. I just woke up in the morning sore and I knew that something had been done to me. The hospital urged me to go to the police and I cant explain why I didnt but part of me just couldnt face that I'd been assaulted, it was like when i was having the tests i wanted the nurse to say that nothing was wrong and I'd made it all up...This was not the case. I came home and instantly regreted telling my parents as my mum has depression and she could not come to terms with what had happened, i did not want to worry her so I've just bottled it up and tried to forget it.
Now I've noticed a change in myself, I dont want to do the things I used to enjoy. I also recently got a new job, the first thing I did was get to know all the male staff I guess to make sure I felt comfortable around them. Some of the things that some of them were saying to me has started to make me feel uncomfortable though and the other week one of them 'jokingly' grabbed me by the neck and now i cant stop thinking about my assault.
I dont know, I'm just tired of this feeling and of not knowing if I was raped or just sexually assaulted. Im 19 now and was only 18 at the time, I dont want this to carry on:(

 

[bring em all in]

Welcome to the forum! There are many people here who can relate to your situation and offer insights that I cannot. But I want you to know you have been heard as soon as possible. Not to discourage you from posting, but do you have a therapist you can see or would you consider finding one?

I've found seeing a therapist and participating in these forums to be of great value.

 

[N3wb3droom]

Welcome to the forum! There are many people here who can relate to your situation and offer ins...

Hey,
yeah I want to do this but I cant seem to find any around where I live, I also feel like not knowing what happened is my fault so I dont know how they will help. I talk to my best friend about it sometimes but she gets upset and i dont want to burden her.

AW x

 

[Esterio]

I am completely new to this forum and I just want people to talk to about what happened and see if a...

Hi N3wb3droom welcome to to this forum.
Thanks for the post. This is a good place to come and talk.
I get a lot out of all the new post that I read. I hope that others can get something from my responses.
No mater what anyone says Sexual assault is always the perpetuators fault. Saying that! We know that they are out there waiting for opportunity so no sense in giving them any advantages. I made that mistake a few times maybe more than a few but I don't remember as i was passed out drunk. But when you wake up and you don't know where you are and you have nothing on. you know something happened. Not say it was my fault but I really didn't need to give them an advantage.
Are you in Therapy? I myself have just restarted therapy again after a 17 year gap. I tried to look after it myself(drinking myself to sleep) and failed so I'm Trying again. i'm dealing with old issues that some I have kept hidden away for 57 or 58 years now. All it has done holding it in is destroyed the good parts of my life. I was sent to a child phycologist at around 7 years old. Scared the hell out of me. I never said a word to him. When i left his office I knew for the first time that I was being severely abused. I think back now and wonder if I only had said something maybe i could have stopped it back then. But that is just woulda shoulda coulda and hind sight is twenty twenty.
So now I am dealing with old issues and a life not well lived or some might say wasted. I urge you to talk and look into some professional help as it is too too much to do on your own. Deal with it now and try to move on in your life. Its a can be a hard journey but that is what this forum is for.
Sorry I'm long winded your post struck a cord. I'm sorry for your pain. all Perpetuators need to face the law. but I'm not Brave enough for that it would be to difficult for me.
welcome be safe Peace

 

[Esterio]

Hey,
yeah I want to do this but I cant seem to find any around where I live, I also feel like not k...

not your fault at all

 

[N3wb3droom]

Hi N3wb3droom welcome to to this forum.
Thanks for the post. This is a good place to come and talk...

thank you for that!!
I am someone who feels guilty about everything and worries a lot. Im planning on looking for a therapist or therapy group tomorrow but i have work in the morning with the guy who is making me uncomfortable but now im worrying that I dont want to hurt his feelings if its just me being sensitive. I dont know i feel like my life is a mess right now,

AW x

 

[Esterio]

thank you for that!!
I am someone who feels guilty about everything and worries a lot. Im planning o...

Don't feel guilty because of him he is not worth it. Just remember you know who he is now, so don't give him any opportunities. Still having to work with him is hard. Are you safe from another assault. I would be on guard and not get alone with him. I think I would ask for transfer. A therapist can help you make proper decisions.
be safe is most important.

 

[N3wb3droom]

yeah im hoping a therapist can help me because having no family/friends to talk to is really making me sad

 

[bring em all in]

Hey,
yeah I want to do this but I cant seem to find any around where I live, I also feel like not k...

One way they would help is to help you process these feelings of being to blame for the abuse you suffered. Many victims blame themselves- it's part of a distorted way of thinking that can be unlearned.

As for your coworker- you have every right to set boundaries and inform others when they violate them. If that does not work than the boss or Human Resources should be involved.