Other I f*cking hate my life and myself

[fartingdonkey]

Every day I wake up and have to deal with my parents' f*cking bullshit. They're the most overbearing, controlling people, and they never change. No matter what happens, they're always controlling. And I'm always this useless, annoying piece of shit that I am. They don't even let me go outside. I have only to do what they say, I can only talk to family, I can't speak to men, and I'm in my twenties. I don't understand why I have to live like this with all of these restrictions, and I know this will be my whole life because they say they will never f*cking leave me alone. They call me like twenty times a f*cking day. I'm not even allowed to get a f*cking job they disapprove of. I hate my life and myself and everything.

And on top of that, I don't even have any f*cking skills that I can use to get a decent job. I'm a useless son of a gun who can't do jackshite correctly. I have been bullied in every f*cking workplace, and of course, it's my fault because I was born a useless, abominable piece of shit. I wasn't made for this world: I'm autistic, ADHD, OCD, MDD, SAD, DPD, Bipolar, PTSD, and many more. I don't have social skills, and I'm so awkward that no one wants to be around me. No friends, no love, no decent job to afford therapy. How do you even navigate this world with these conditions?

 

[Teasel]

*waves*
Audhd here too.

You have any audhd ppl in your life?
If not get some. It makes a difference.

 

[arfie]

hello @fartingdonkey welcome to the forum. you probably haven't noticed, but my avatar picture is my donkey's eye. literally. i have two of them. this one is donkey odie. if you look closely, you can see the outer edge of the part for which you have named yourself. personally, i find his farts far more pleasant than the average human fart. he's a vegetarian and doesn't ingest nearly as much processed food.

getting back on topic. . .

i'll second @Teasel 's suggestion of finding some peer support. it really does make a diff.
united we stand. divided we fall
we are stronger together.

 

[Rose White]

These useless farting donkeys without jobs welcome you to the forum

 

[Givrali]

I'm autistic too ( among others disorders) and nearly all my friends are autistics. It's just easier to understand them and for they to understand me to have the same disorder. I spent my whole life desperate to make more friends, to have better social skills. Now I know it wasn't something I can heal from, social skills will always be difficult to get more and I'm still on my way to find a way to explain autism and related stuff to the people who are important for me. I'm connecting to people in the internet where I can postpone when I answer and think about how to explain things best. I don't know if it's something available where you live but I have acces to a group for adult with psychological issues to meet and talk togheter freely which help me a lot socialising with non-autists. Finding appropriate help can be a chalenge (even more in some aera) but worth fighting for. Depending where you live, you can have help for accomodate a wokrplace and your home. I currently have a nurse, a basic home life help (cooking, cleaning, driving), someone formed in autsim to help me understand my other helpers and make them understand me, someone handling money and administration for me, a therapist formed on emotion therapy and EMDR for traumatized adult who also understand well autism.
Even with that long list of help I'm struggling daily because I have no parent left (and they were having huge issuses themself where they were still alive) and traumas happened very young for me and events kept reactivating them. But now I have friends who can relate to my struggles and this health team and this meeting with other struggling adults.
I know I'm not useless, unworthy of love or a failure. I'm disabilited and mentally ill and I deserve all this help.

If I have all of this it's not just because I never had money problems or that were kind people around me. I had to fight, to study psychology on my own, waiting, waiting opportunities and catch them, learn to stand for my boundaries, refuse to stay silent when things were bad. It's very hard but I knew I deserved this helps.

You too deserve love and accomodations, right treatment and therapy, support and friendship, a place you know you don't have to be what other people think you should be. Maybe it'll hard and long but it's worth off and this forum it's here to show you there are other people struggling a lot with daily life and that doesn't make us unwothy of love and efforts from people around us.