RussellSue
Not Active
At the age of 7 my closet was filled with weapons I collected and I waited at the door for my cue. I didn't know how to tie my own shoes but I waited to hear the slightest noise from my sister to tell me it was time to go crack pedophile skull.
I remember quite clearly when my father put his hands around my throat and started lifting me off the floor - after kneeing him in the crotch and making it to the door, I stopped and stared at a butcher knife for what felt like forever.
Amazingly, I have reached 40 and never have cracked a skull or even been in a physical altercation as an adult.
But there have been a few scrapes where my trauma response was so severe that I nearly lost it.
2 therapists have said no, I am not a danger to others. I am too aware of the problem and too afraid of it. I even relocated to get away from one person that triggered me so bad that I feared I would attack him.
But I really fear that moment when I cannot run. I've been ready for a fight for some time.
This is a very real fear for me. Does anyone else struggle with this kind of fear?
I remember quite clearly when my father put his hands around my throat and started lifting me off the floor - after kneeing him in the crotch and making it to the door, I stopped and stared at a butcher knife for what felt like forever.
Amazingly, I have reached 40 and never have cracked a skull or even been in a physical altercation as an adult.
But there have been a few scrapes where my trauma response was so severe that I nearly lost it.
2 therapists have said no, I am not a danger to others. I am too aware of the problem and too afraid of it. I even relocated to get away from one person that triggered me so bad that I feared I would attack him.
But I really fear that moment when I cannot run. I've been ready for a fight for some time.
This is a very real fear for me. Does anyone else struggle with this kind of fear?