I Feel Like A Fraud.

[Catlovers141]

I have PTSD along with other issues, and I also work in the mental health field. I feel like I am leading a double life. I'm going to start a master's program in social work this fall and while there is nothing else I want to do more with my life, sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be in the field at all.

My work is good, and my supervisors even say that I'm one of the best ones that they have had. But they don't know about all my struggles. I am often having thoughts of suicide, and sometimes I have body memories for half the day. Sometimes I feel less functional than my clients, and I don't like that. I feel like I should be much healthier than them because having someone less functional or as functional as them doesn't sound like the most helpful situation.

But I am very reluctant to give up my career. It means the world to me, and I would hate to leave the field and know that my past abuse/abuser has affected me so much that I can't even have the career I wanted.

Anyone have any thoughts?

 

[Bookoffee]

I work in the mental health field. I am not a social worker, I am just a care coordinator. Some days are harder than others. Hearing some of the stories can be triggering. A lot of people go into the helping field because of what they have been through. It can bring more to the table in means of helping. Your coping skills may be the same ones that another needs.

Staying in the moment and riding out the horrible feelings is a very hard task to do. I wish I had more to offer.

 

[Catlovers141]

Hi @Bookoffee , thanks for your response. I was hoping that a few of the people who replied might also be in the mental health field, like you are. I find that I am sometimes triggered by people's stories, but mostly by treating actual abusers and not the survivors themselves. I think what I most struggle with, however, is the feeling that I am just "the blind leading the blind" and if people knew how hard things are for me they would not want me to be working with them.

 

[Mary Loreto]

Hi, my first counselor is a survivor and she would only treat the abused, not the abusers/perps. I suggest the same for you.

 

[Go Hungry]

I think you might be surprised if you knew the thoughts of other workers in the field. Or any field. There is always conflict going on in the heads of virtually everyone on the planet. You are no different from everybody else in that regard. Plus your ability to do the work is what's really important here, and from what your supervisors say you're doing great. :)

That's really the question here. Are your troubles diminishing your job capacity? Survey says no.

 

[Bookoffee]

I actually filled out an FMLA form so when I have panic attacks or triggers, I can take a moment to breathe, go home, center myself, clear off all the negativity and return if I can. I also have a hard time with abusers. I lose my words when I try to talk to them. Plain and simple, they frighten me. It is a tough task to stay in the moment and realize that they need help too. They may be hurting just as much as us.

There was a thread about forgiving or at least letting go of your abusers, I am thinking that once I master that, I will be more helpful.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Uhm are you aware that a good percentage of people go into the mental health field because they themselves have issues?

 

[littlelostchild]

@Catlovers141 you bring understanding to the role that others couldn't possibly bring because you have direct experience with mental health issues. I suspect that setting good boundaries would be really important as well as having self awareness of triggers while working with clients, but that's what we all strive for in our relationships, too.

You bring an empathy and understanding that is unique, just be mindful of burn out.

 

[NovemberStar]

Oh God I relate to the 'feeling like a fraud' thing :(.

I'm a health professional in a really 'responsible' job. I feel like I'm leading a double life too. For the past 3 years I managed to keep things separate - work and the personal hell I was going through - but end of last year it all came crashing down and my professional body were notified that I was 'unwell' and I'm under 'review' every 3-6 months. I lost my practising certificate and wasn't able to work for 3 months (anorexia). Now I'm back to 'normal' weight I'm back at work. On the outside I now 'look normal' but on the inside I am far from ok.

It's been bittersweet having work know about my mental health issues. Hard because I feel the one packet of my life I've keep from being contaminated has now been so. But on the positive - it means I can out. Y hand up for ore hep and support at work when I'm overwhelmed.

I'd encourage you to find out what supports work has for people in your field who are struggling. You will not be the only one. It. It's scary letting people know (shame is hard) but the positives might outweigh the negatives.

I really hope you can reach out and tell your boss / supervisor. It might be you can modify the work you do so you aren't exposed to the triggering stuff.

 

[Suzetig]

I'm a social worker working in the field of child and adolescent mental health and about to begin training as a therapist. I also have had various mental health concerns for a long period time and recently returned to work after a 2 month absence due to mental health issues. When I returned I struggled for months to keep myself in work and functioning.

My own therapist is supportive of me starting training - while I still have a way to go in my own recovery, she comes from the point of valuing "wounded healers". Would it help to see yourself in that light? Yes you bear the scars of your experience but that means you have much to offer the people who need your support.

I do know that feeling of being a fraud - try not to give in to it though.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

If you love your job, don't give it up. It gives you goals and hopes. I am not in the mental health profession, I am a teacher. But I love my job and it is sometimes what keeps me going. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't be in charge of melding little minds when my mind is so messed up, but I am good at it and I love it so I keep fighting for it. It's hard, but if you like it, I would recommend sticking with it. Keeping going.

 

[Catlovers141]

Thank you all for your replies. Most days I feel like I should stay in the field, since my struggles are not harming my clients. But sometimes I feel as I described above, where I don't feel like I should be here.

I am aware, as some of you have suggested, that many people choose to go into the field because of their own personal experiences with mental health. What worries me is that in applying to grad school and even talking to people at my job, there seems to be an emphasis on having overcome your issues. They are reluctant to accept someone who is still struggling, although having past experience is valued. I have come a long way, but I am nowhere near being fully healthy and functional.

I told a supervisor about my difficulties because there was a period of time where she noticed that I was quieter during meetings and she wanted to know if something was wrong. I felt really vulnerable talking to her, but I am so glad I did. It was really helpful to see that she was concerned for my well-being, but was not concerned about my actual work quality. Unfortunately, she has since found another job and I do not really feel comfortable with the other supervisors that are here.

@Suzetig I also wanted to add that my eventual goal is to work with adolescents. I haven't really talked to anyone who also wants to do that -- it seems to not be very popular, at least among the people I interact with. I may want to talk to you at some point. I would love to know what you think about that kind of work -- what's difficult, what you like, what kind of advice you would give someone who also wants to pursue that area.