I Hate Being Touched Unexpectedly!

[Changing4Best]

Several men have told me recently that I have such smooth skin and that it is such an invitation to touch me. Well one of them did touch me today on the arm and I got the creeps. I didn't say anything and I should have! What right does a man who is only a friend have, and not a close one either, to touch me on the arm? When my husband was alive, one of them did touch me then too, and the fact that I was married didn't stop him, because he knew I was.

How should I handle this in the future? If you were me, what would you say if someone touched you on the arm without being invited in any way to do so?

 

[AnnaLost]

Several men have told me recently that I have such smooth skin and that it is such an invitation to...

I can't stand people I don't know touching me, for any reason. I'm not even good with people I do know touching me, though I can tolerate it if I know it's coming. I feel for you.

If someone touches me, and it is uninvited, I just move or shift away, look at them and ask them please not to do that again. Usually they are very apologetic. I don't care if they think I'm being sharp, or rude. I try to use a gentle tone, but don't always succeed. And I don't care. It's my body, thank you very much, and I don't want you touching it without my permission.

A close friend surprised me in a store a couple of weeks ago, touching my shoulder. He said I looked like a cat struck by lightening afterward. He was very sorry, and again, I know him very well, but I was badly surprised and I freaked. It took me hours to calm down. So, I don't mess around with strangers or acquaintances if they cross that line.

Good luck!

 

[Changing4Best]

I wonder if I should say something the next time I see him, or let it go? I think I did give him a look that said not to do that when he did it. I hope he never touches me again.

 

[Ocean5]

Only my opinion, if you think he got "message" I'd let it go. If not - ask him never to touch you unexpectedly again. Otherwise it could become dangerous... I think most realize quickly when someone doesn't want to be touched by our reaction.

I freakin hate when someone touches me unexpectedly. Except other week this stranger at pharmacy translated for me, and then gave me soft hug. She could see I was ill, and wasn't able to comprehend any Spanish at that time being so sick.

 

[Laurie McLaughlin]

I have such a startle response that if someone comes up behind me and touches me on the arm, I sometimes will take a swing at them. Of course I don't mean to hurt them, it's totally reflexive.

I have found that if I think that someone might do that, I warn them ahead of time as kindly as possible without going into any detail. But if people ask for detail I don't mind telling them.

But from my side, I feel it is better to say something first if I think the person I am around might do that

If I am not sure if they will and they do touch me, I let them know that it makes me uncomfortable and usually they don't do it again.

Hope you find ways to make peace with this -

Laurie

 

[Neverthesame]

Pepper spray. :devilish:

But seriously, taser. :D

OK, for real this time.
No one has the right to touch you without your permission. I realize that some people are ok with this, which is fine for them.

Personally, for a situation like you described. I would never touch anyone I don't know well. If for whatever reason I thought it was appropriate, I wouldn't say anything that creepy afterwards. Eww.

Though I do absolutely think you should tell this guy that you don't like being touched. There is nothing wrong with saying that. A simple quiet, "oh, excuse me. I know you don't mean anything by it but, I just don't like when people touch me."

It's not rude to say that. If someone takes it as rude, that's their problem.

On a similar note, I remember years ago. I worked with a woman who didn't appreciate my sense of humour when I would joke bedroom humour. I had no idea she was offended. Until one day she took me aside, and politely explained that she found sexual humour offensive. Then politely asked me to refrain from using that kind of humour around her.

I told her very simply "thank you for telling me, I didn't realize that it bothered you. I will stop." Problem solved.

Food for thought. Hope it helps, you should never have to feel uncomfortable around people.

 

[Ocean5]

Ha I have police grade pepper spray. Sometimes wonder I will use on wrong person by accident. I am lucky new area living I don't need to carry it...

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I hate that too. My boyfriend is very understanding, thankfully, but other people seem to think it's funny. I find it hard to stand up for myself; my natural response is to say it's ok or to laugh it off.

I do think you are completely in your right to tell anyone that you do not want to be touched unexpectedly, or at all. You don't have to explain anything, the fact that you don't want it should be enough. It is your body, so nobody has the right to touch it without your consent.

 

[nay.elizabeth]

I can't STAND being touched! As a woman, other women feel it's totally okay to touch me! They want to pet my hair, touch my arm, hug me. I don't understand why. The other day, one of the members of the management team welcomed me to work and touched my arm. I cringed. Because there were parents and others around I didn't scream with anxiety but it bothers me. The next three days going in to work I had a panic attack thinking about her touching me again and every time I see her I flinch and walk by quickly.

Some odd years ago, a little boy at an old job slapped my butt really hard as I walked by and it triggered a response. I felt TERRIBLE. I had a talk about it from my boss warning me not to overreact. I couldn't help it. I just can't be touched unless I invite it.

Most of the time, I tell women upfront I'm not a hugger. To just not touch me or my hair or stand close to me. I need SPACE or I PANIC. Usually it's respected but some women think it's just so funny to try and get a rise out of me. Once they get one they stay away from me for a while. Some people are respectful, some are inconsiderate.

 

[Changing4Best]

Someone touched me yesterday and I was going to blurt out DON'T TOUCH ME! but I bit my tongue. I did not want to cause a scene. I don't know if I should have said it or not, it is one of those things that I just hope that person never touches me again. We were in a crowd of folks, so probably I will not end up being close to that person ever again, I hope!

 

[Deleted member 31177]

Someone touched me yesterday and I was going to blurt out DON'T TOUCH ME! but I bit my tongue. I did...

Oh man, if it were me I would immediately say "Stop please, I do NOT like being touched without my permission and would appreciate your removing your hand from my body. Thank you." You do NOT have to explain ANY further.

I remember when I was in a Hospital (for almost committing suicide) for 3.5 weeks and it was one of those where famous people go, and being a Percussionist, I ran into a well known drummer and we became friends. One day during lunch, I was at a table with friends and he, the jokester, snuck up behind me and stuck his fingers into my sides (to tickle me I guess), but I screamed SO LOUD that the entire room was quiet and looking, and passers by, including doctors stopped outside to look in, and I told my friend, the drummer, PLEASE do not EVER do that AGAIN! (I've been attacked from behind when I was 16 with a knife at my kneck when I was still a virgin and it still haunts me). I just can't believe how loud I screamed.

But it matters not what the reason - if you do not like being touched, just say something, anything to get their filthy hands off of you! You go girl!

 

[Changing4Best]

@Julinha I see your point, but I guess I was too embarrassed to do so. I guess I should express myself in some way or other. I have done so on an occasion when a man touched me, and he never did so after that. I did explain to him that it was not him personally, that I don't like being touched by anyone. He respected that, so I will remember to be polite about it like I was that time. I think that is important too, so I don't make a scene like I would have that time, if I screamed it out like I almost did.