I Have Been In A Bad Place For Months But Am Proud How I Handled It

[Mallaky]

Hello.

This is difficult to write, as on one level I feel pretty worthless and stupid, but I can also recognize that I did great and I want to focus on that.

Last year I generally did great, it was a good year for me, but end of December some new, and permanent, stressors entered my life and I did not do so well.

Slowly but surely every positive change I made eroded away until I was not eating healthy or doing excercise or sleeping well or doing my hobbies or taking care of my mental state anymore. I also completely withdrawed from this site and other social stuff and isolated myself completely.

But I am back on track now. I have started exercising again, and am nearly back where I left of. I live healthier again. I engage with other people again and so on.
Only now I can see, that what I thought was being back at my worst, was far from it. I did not drink for example. I did not spend money on bullshit. I was not verbally aggressive or hurtful to my partner. I did not live healthy, but also was not killing myself. I was way kinder to myself then usual during these times and allowed myself to rest a bit. I was not 100% in dissociative stupor all the time, but did some worthwhile things. I found some things to enjoy that were not unhealthy to me or anyone else.

Yesterday night I had the very first calm night in ages. I was relaxed, I could think and I promised me I would write this post, despite not feeling like it right now. I was watching a Louis Theroux documentary, and when it was done I had no stress in me anymore. It has left the mind and body it ravaged for 4 months now and I felt myself again. Thinking, feeling, being present and awake.

I will try to remember that, to hold on to it, so that in times of trouble I will manage to come back to this moment. What struck me most was, that only when finally feeling better could I recognize how hurt I was. And only then could I find the kindness in me that I so needed.

Thanks for listening.

 

[ladee]

@Mallaky, sending gentle hugs for that beautiful share, and the HOPE that is spread all over this site !! What an awesome accomplishment. Makes my heart so very happy for you. Thank you !!

 

[Bloomy]

Thanks for inspiration sharing your good progress and this is just awesome :-)

 

[barefoot]

@Mallaky - I was only thinking the other day that I hadn't seen you here lately. It's good to have you back :-)

Sorry you've had a tough few months, but what a great message you've just shared! Great to hear you're getting back on track! You've done well :-)

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm glad to see you're back on track. :)

 

[Mallaky]

Thank you so much guys. Reading your responses had a big emotional impact on me. Thank you! :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Sideways]

Can't get enough inspiring stories at the mo. V down and dysfunctional, and it's so good to hear other people say "the really sh!tty days come to an end". Glad you could fight your way out of it:)

 

[Mallaky]

@Ragdoll Circus

I strongly believe that I am going "Three steps forward, two steps back." This has really helped me accept and contextualize the shitty times. Then I understood that I am like an electron and I can either know my momentum or my position, never both. Uncertainty Principle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncertainty_principle. (I think my joke didn't work, but I still find it funny so I leave it.)

 

[Sideways]

"Then I understood that I am like an electron..."

What an awesome way to start a sentence, and it actually made perfect sense as well! Made me smile:)

 

[rascal]

lol @ the electron joke. I needed some cheering up, good on ya!