I Have Started A Love Relationship

[ms spock]

Well I don't know how it will go. We live in different states of Australia. He is a nice guy who I have known since about 2005. We know both each other's stories and a fair chunk about each other's lives. We get on well together. We both have a great sense of humour. I can have sex with him with minimal flashbacks. (I know not really what most people have in their criteria.)

 

[Nicolette]

Good luck Ms Spock. All you can do is try and go in with your eyes wide open. :inlove:

 

[ms spock]

Ty Nicolette

 

[The Albatross]

Ah, love... it's a whole 'nother ball game. ;) Just kidding, it can be wonderful. I admit I did wince though when you shared that you could be intimate with him with minuimum flashbacks... but then I thought to myself, like it or not that is part of "my criteria" now too. Hugs for you Ms. Spock I am happy for you too, and you're guy. Most especially I am happy that you are willing to risk being vulnerable and am very glad you have known this man for a while. (((Best wishes for your both)))

 

[Froggie]

I find that your criteria is very understanding and reveals a great deal of wisdom and respect of one self. If this relationship can give you some happiness ... then go for it ... even if you're both in different states.

 

[ms spock]

Oh Albatross,

It is really too much information in one way, isn't it? But if I couldn't be there then it won't happen for me. If I can't manage my ptsd in that circumstance then it wouldn't happen - he could never have sex with me if that was a possibility - the having flashbacks. And I can't manage that then it would be a no starter.

We have been friends since 2005 so we know each other in a variety of ways. We have many mutual friends and that is a good thing.

We just chatted for a couple of hours on Skype and we talked about a lot of things as well as laughed a lot and that was good. I was feeling a bit nervous about it all. It is a risk, a joy, a chance and a bit of fun as well.

He is really sensual and tactile and so am I so that touching is just wonderful - the hugging and snuggling was great.

If it works out that would be great. It will be a long distant relationship. If it doesn't then chances are, after a bit of time, we could still be friends. Anyway very early days yet.

He has a great capacity for intimacy and closeness so I will need to grow and change in that regard but he seems happy with what I have to offer emotionally at this time. Maybe I just need to relax and just be for a bit. (What a radical idea!) I will always grow and change as a person and a woman. I don't need to be perfect, just receptive and caring and be my self. I am okay. I am enough. And these things have their own ebb and flow. I am willing to take responsibility for my self, my issues and my PTSD. So I will go and do and be the best that I can, without apologising for myself whilst being open to the moment.

 

[ms spock]

I find that your criteria is very understanding and reveals a great deal of wisdom and respect of one self. If this relationship can give you some happiness ... then go for it ... even if you're both in different states.

Ty I am having some happiness from this and it is nice. I am allowing it to put a small spring in to my step.

Working out the sex thing was imiportant because I can deal with everything else. It was funny tonight we were talking and he said that they sex thing was easy but he wanted to be sure about the other stuff. I did say not always for me, but he was talking about something important to him. He wants us to spend time together to see how we get on in each other's space, to see if we are emotionally compatible. Which being in different states will take some creativity, but I can go to see him on my holidays and he can come down on some weekends,

 

[ms spock]

And in general day conversation you can't really say well I made love with him, it wasn't like I usually do to get it over and done with, I actually enjoyed it, and I was present 96-98% of the time. Now I know that I can manage that with my ptsd I am thinking about dating him.

Most people date first.

This is the first time I have been with anyone since I ended my relationship in February last year.

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

Good luck with your relationship. I hope it brings you a lot of joy. You deserve the best! :inlove:

Solo

 

[ms spock]

And in this particular friendship network (yes the woman with no friends has different friendship networks) the majority of our friends have been joking about us getting together for a little while now. One friend is against it. I got all this helpfull advice whilst we weren't even in sight of each other that way. Ah well, cheeky friends.

 

[ms spock]

This whole being alive business is quite demanding! Thank you for your generous responses and for pointing out what needs to be pointed out and for saying what you have to say.

 

[ms spock]

Well it didn't take long for my loneliness, abandonment and attachment issues to come up.

B doesn't ring often. But I did tell him this was important for me, that he ring.

Yet I kept the rest for therapy tomorrow because it is my stuff.

I wanted to end it because all these emotions came up, but they will come up anyway so I had best be dealing with those emotions. Easier said than done.

A lot of grief came up for a lost friendship of a friend that has PTSD, who lost her dog (her symbolic family) and withdrew from me as I was close to her dog aka family.

The feelings of not being good enough, of not mattering, not being important to anyone (my family in my head) and being unworthy came up over the ringing up issue.