Relationship I Heard From Him...

[Spring]

Ok, so my boyfriend and I were not FB friends while we were datin'. He was never into FB, but had gotten a page this past January to keep up with deployed friends. It was BARE BONES NAKED - No profile pic, no personal info, maybe ten friends. He never got on it accept to "accept" a friend. Ok, so after he comes home his friends list begins to grow, but still very low. And he doesn't do anything to his page, no updates, no pics, nothin'.
We've been broken up now for a month and a half (goin' on 7 weeks now, actually). Well, on Sunday afternoon, I get an FB message from him. He wrote: April, I've been thinkin' about you. I hope that you're doin' well. I wrote back: Hi, I'm doin' ok. I think about you, too, often. I hope that you're doin' well right now, too. April=)

I am happy about this, I really am. But I haven't received another reponse from him again, and it's left me feelin' very discouraged. I think, "What if he's sendin' this to other women?" Or, "What if he was just bored and nosey?" Any advice or opinion that you could offer on the situation would be really appreciated!

 

[lanagirl28]

That's such great news! :) Like I've mentioned to you, it took several weeks for my love to go from quick contact like this to a full on conversation and I often felt like he would open up a little bit and then freak out and pull his head back into his shell! Maybe for him that took all he had and he'll have to wait a few weeks again, which sounds awful but as you know this is all a huge lesson in patience for us as well. Praying for you girl! :)

 

[BloomInWinter]

Spring,

Best to accept it at face value for just what it is, only a hello from an old boyfriend. Nothing more, nothing less.

There's no further info to go on.

As far as keeping tabs on his facebook page...I hope you'll give yourself permission to never waste one moment of your life engaging in the wholly unhealthy act of facebook stalking. It's taking up time and emotional space that could best be used at engaging in fulfilling, life-affirming behaviors with people who want to have you in their lives.

I'm sure there are many. May your life be filled with much peace and joy on your journey.

 

[Spring]

Thanks for reformatin' for me. I wasn't too sure on how to do it myself.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I do the same thing but I attribute it to my obsessive thought ruminations. I guess it happens to a lot of people? Anyway, since facebook really isn't his thing, then just take it at face value. I know its hard once those thoughts begin to spiral, but try and fight against it.

 

[Spring]

Thank you, ScaredOfLonely=) You're words are encouragin'.

 

[anthony]

Don't over-think a basic situation, being he contacted you, you replied... now you feel all sorts of negative emotion and he sits waiting for you to crawl back. Self-esteem... if a guy wants you, they will jump over mountains to be with you.

 

[p-no]

if a guy wants you, they will jump over mountains to be with you.

I have heard this from various guys and believe it. Maybe you can make yourself a list with truths like this that you can reinforce with yourself when you notice your overthinking and overanalyzing and feeling bad start.

 

[Eleanor]

And if he is not willing to jump over mountains to be with you, you need to value YOURSELF highly enough to want someone who is willing to clear the mountains (and swim the river, etc.!)

 

[Spring]

Thank y'all for the advice.

I've heard from him a few more times in the last week. He is handlin' it one day at a time, is in therapy and feels that he is makin' some progress. He says he's trayin' very hard to make himself a better person. And that he's been missin' me.

I'm really happy that he's feelin' better.

 

[celia]

Hang in there my friend! you are doing your best and you deserve the best

 

[Nicolette]

Maybe for him that took all he had and he'll have to wait a few weeks again, which sounds awful but as you know this is all a huge lesson in patience for us as well.

While 'great news' I think the fundamental question at this time is on what type of relationship you are wanting and willing to accept. It's okay to think I just need patience for him to come back and give him his space but there's isolation and severe shutting out. This sounds like severe shutting out so at best are you wanting/willing/able to maintain a relationship via FB and does any of this mean he wants more that just contact like Bloom said?

I understand the thinking, have done it myself but unfortunately have to admit I believe my husband is correct (ouch, did I say that :wtf:)

if a guy wants you, they will jump over mountains to be with you.

Have you considered that the contact is due to guilt as why the change to FB and what else has really changed?

He says he's trayin' very hard to make himself a better person. And that he's been missin' me.

Is this about him wanting to be with you or him?

Sorry, I tend to call a spade a spade most days now :whistling: