I Just Ended The Relationship With My Father

[Lady of Longbourn]

I sent him an email, stating that his behavior towards me is not acceptable. I will not continue the relationship. Its not a healthy one. I also told him to seek professional help for the sake of having a healthy relationship with his remaining family.

I imagine the backlash to this will be harsh, me cutting him off. But its time. And its needed.

I feel a little guilty, but mostly revived. Very revived, like a weight has been lifted. I owe him nothing, but I owe myself my happiness and to be able to live a healthy life. If doing that without him is what it takes to cut off that healthy branch he as become, then I will do it.

I am not sure how to feel right now. I always wanted a father, it was a consistent dream with me...that maybe one day he would love love me, like his other kids? Care for me the same? treat me like a human with feelings?

I feel happy and sad.

 

[Heather]

Wow. Good for you, Ayesha. I wish I had your courage to tell the very same thing to my mother. You go girl!

You are one strong woman!:) Hugs. Heather

 

[Sqweak]

What you did takes a lot of courage and I think it's absolutely okay to be both happy and sad right. It's a complicated relationship between parents who do their children wrong, because you so desperately want that relationship despite the fact that it's the most unhealthy thing in your life. You did a good thing. I wish you nothing but warmth and happiness from here forward. <3

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Thank you both. Kind words. :)

I wish it was possible to cry!

 

[Nicolette]

I have done this Ayesha and don't be surprised if there is no backlash..... backlash is more likely to occur if someone believes you are wrong and wants to fight you. You might find someone on the end of your email is actually trying to digest what has happened including their loss of control and power. As that is what you have done. You have taken back your own power and set a boundary... the rest is up to him.

I have not heard from my family since I did the same thing in May 1 year ago. I hope you find the peace I did as some things are easier to avoid (as in not deal with) than have to 'play out' - the stress in that being gone alone should be a huge relief for you.

Congratulations. It demonstrates to me that you are becoming more self assured of what is right and wrong for you and what is healthy and unhealthy in your life. Well done I say!

 

[intothelight]

Ayesha,

That is a tough choice, but a healthy choice. Had to make some of those about my own family in the past year. It isn't easy, but learning to remove yourself from unhealthy relationships is a huge step forward in healing.

Deb

 

[KP the nut]

((Ayesha))

It must have been such a hard decision for you to reach. You have shown great courage to finally do what is right for you. I hope you can move on and find healing.

Linking arms
KP

 

[Sethe]

Ayesha:

You are a brave and courageous person! Well done!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Thank you all so much for your support and comfort.

He has not responded, and now I am starting to think he might not. Though he has huge angry problems and is very impulsive. So I think that is up in the air right now. And if it happens will deal with it then, or just delate the email without reading it...:cautious:

I will miss my two half siblings, but I was never a part of that family or there life. I hope that when they are older, and have lived with him to know him as well as I do, that they would understand my decision.

I am also very happy that you are right, Nicolette, I DID take his power away, I am sure this was the last thing he thought I would do. That makes me feel so strong ( in the self assured way). And I am actually proud of myself (!) for finally standing up and saying enough is enough!

 

[Reclusive]

Ayesha - you SHOULD be really proud of yourself! You're taking steps to take care of yourself and sometimes family just isn't healthy. When I moved out of my dad's house, we didn't talk for a couple years because we couldn't without fighting. We talk now, but it's pretty much all business. Anyways, recognizing where you need to set boundaries and when you have to cut someone off is really important and not easy at all! You should celebrate somehow - give yourself a little treat for doing something so good for you.

 

[Nicolette]

So I think that is up in the air right now. And if it happens will deal with it then, or just delate the email without reading it...:cautious:

A wise person, who deals with trauma victims, once told me that it is not their response which aides in healing - it is the act of actually making a stand and telling your side of the situation. You can't control how or if they do or don't react and that is not what is important. The courage of putting it out there and setting a boundary is what matters when trying to overcome your continued unhealthy relationships with people who traumatized/abused you.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

He responded and I really want to read it, even if that's a bad thing. I know I wont response, mostly very curious.

What am I expecting? He would apologize for everything he has ever done to hurt me??? That will never happen. He might apologize in this email, but it's what a T once called "honeymoon stage" i.e. it means nothing. Just trying to manipulate you. If he's just angry...well then he's just proving my point even more.

I am to scared to open the email.

God, I feel stupid. I shouldn't care what it says, I should just delete it.