I Need Advice On What To Work On First...

[Deleted member 1860]

I guess I should clarify. When I say go with the trauma, I don't mean jump right in and start processing it. There are 3 main stages to dealing with trauma. 1. Safety & Stabilization 2. Processing 3. Re-integrating with life. Step one may take YEARS depending on how bad things are for you. You may not even get to processing for awhile. But, its all part of dealing with trauma.

If you look for a generalist who tries to help you with self esteem, you'll get a lot of not so helpful stuff like "try and be more social!" and things like that. Not really helpful when the root problem is trauma!

 

[theotherside]

@Solara. Thank you..i was in therapy for a year and my T opened a pandoras box then didnt know what to do with me. Its was horrible. I want someone experienced with trauma this time

@StellaBlue i do agree with you and @Saetva that that first i should manage my symptoms ..
Thank you

@rightkindofme
Thanks for your reply..
I wish i could be better at interviewing a T but i just turn into a wreck. So far ive seen 5 and im leaning towards a psychiatrist who is experienced in trauma and ptsd.I felt most comfortable with him but hes a him and i had it in my head i wanted a woman T but i. have not felt comfortable enough. with the women i interveiwed. So now i dont know if i should keep trying to find a woman or go with him. Some trauma is sexual abuse. so i dont know....


As far as friends, you are lucky to have people in your life. I have no friends anymore. However i have a supportive partner and 1 understanding family member and im thankful for that.
Im not too bad on self harm anymore but when things get that bad now i usually scratch my arms with my nails or pinch myself (sounds funny) lol. i used to do much more starting at such a young age so im thankful its better.

 

[sun seeker]

Whatever is hardest. Hits the most, most disruptive.

You sure about that? If there isn't a base of self-care and self-soothing skills, which from what I am reading there isn't, that could be dangerous. When I see this:

i was in therapy for a year and my T opened a pandoras box then didnt know what to do with me. Its was horrible.

and this

I have no friends anymore. However i have a supportive partner and 1 understanding family member and im thankful for that.
Im not too bad on self harm anymore but when things get that bad now i usually scratch my arms with my nails or pinch myself (sounds funny) lol.

I would say that safety and trust in the therapist are first.

Sorry @theotherside, I don't mean to talk about you rather than to you, but when I saw that I wanted to add a cautionary note.

 

[theotherside]

@sun seeker ..thanks, i dont mind at all, i appreciate your post as well...i will take all the advice, help, opinions, facts, suggestions i can get at this point and just try my best to make something or anything work..

 

[Friday]

You sure about that? If there isn't a base of self-care and self-soothing skills, which from what I am reading there isn't, that could be dangerous.

Same line of reasoning, actually.

I took the therapist as a given from (paraphrase) 'looking for a therapist, but ideas/opinions what should i work on first' (aka with them).

From that point anything can be hitting the hardest or being the most disruptive... Including both her list, yours, or things the therapist sees that aren't on either list.

Stability may be paramount, or there may be something that is clearly infringing on stability / what's creating the issue (random example: still living with rapist, being raped nightly... Current trauma would be most disruptive) and once that issue is taken care of? Stability is then possible.

Or it may be that things are relatively stable, or rather, the most stable they're going to get without dealing with ABCDEFG... And dealing with the alphabet in order of difficult & disruptive is what reaches the skills to be able to self soothe and stabilize. (Random example: If someone is homeless because they can't work because of flashbacks, you could spend years trying to get into a stable living situation with support, or a month or three learning to moderate the flashbacks. It's the flashbacks hat are the most disruptive and hard hitting, not the unstable living environment).

So dealing with whatever it presently affecting your life the most? What's hardest? Allows the other pieces to start fitting in.

 

[theotherside]

Thanks fridayjones...

I dont even know what is the hardest thing im dealing with right now...

Probably the fear and stress of any chance of a social interaction. I cant hide what im foing through..so i cant really. fake it and it vomits off and out of me. and i cant take having to interact
with anyone right now besides my partner and one family member and even that is hard at times..the fear around anyone new in my life scares me to death..im staying indoors most of the time..

And im so ashamed and disgusted with myself if i do leave home (never alone, but with my partner) i have to wear a jacket, sunglasses..anything to hide myself...

Idk im just so confused right now and constant pain from migraines and constant guilt that im like this and i have kids and a partner who deserve better. I need to get better soon

 

[StellaBlue]

So...I think I'm starting to sound like the DBT drum beater...but...DBT has a hierarchy of treatment targets (although, it's kind of fluid as long as the life-threatening ones are being targeted). The first target is suicide behavior and self-harm and this is addressed in a pretty basic CBT way. This is done in individual therapy while, simultaneously, skills in distress tolerance and emotional regulation are taught in a skills class.

Again, I think getting stable and a solid set of tools for grounding on board are essential. This would not be mutually exclusive from using behavioral therapy to extinguish self-harm behaviors (without immediately delving into the roots of those behaviors). You can also use behavioral therapy to address social issues, which would help make outings less distressful.

I get that you need to "get better" soon, but it's not going to happen overnight. Regarding finding the right therapist - maybe you could right out all of your questions, concerns and potential goals, then take the list in and go over it point by point. It might help give you a sense of control over the process and also help you remember what it is you want to achieve.