These rages happen about once a month and I told him one more and I have to leave for my own safety. He agreed and seemingly was pushing it to happen. I know this paint a negative picture of my husband but I am hoping for some compassion since many of you know about PTSD.
Everyone who knows these things are pushing me to leave and I know I should but I can't. It isn't his fault (it is because he won't get help, the only help he wants is for his back, which he says will be the solution to everything) he is a great man and I love him very much and have been through a lot in my life so I am pretty strong but I am getting to a point where I just can't any more. But I keep pushing on in hopes that one day I can help him make a ladder and take it step by step out of this hellish hole. Please ask questions bc I have left out a lot but this post is long enough as is. Thank you for your support and I hope the rest of you are finding what you need as well.
I'm afraid that having been through a lot in your life doesn't mean you are strong and can handle the situation. I'm afraid it means that your judgement, self esteem and ability to look after yourself are likely to be damaged. You might feel like you have a high threshold for emotional pain, but it means you are probably used to closing your eyes to danger. It's not you personally, or any fault of yours, it's the inevitable result of growing up with abuse.
It is his fault. Getting help is his responsibility. I'm a sufferer and I can tell you for sure that you can't do it for him. He has to do the work. If he's saying that getting help for his back is all he needs, then I'm afraid he's either deluding himself or deliberately using that to distract you.
Hope isn't enough, you need to deal with the situation you're in right now instead of imagining it better by looking to how he was before or how you wish him to be in the future. You can't afford to ignore how he is now.
Above all, if you make an ultimatum, like saying one more rage and you'll leave, you need to be prepared to follow through. Otherwise, both you and he will know you're giving him permission to treat you as badly as he likes with no consequences.
If you leave him and stay away, there's a chance - although no guarantee - that he'll finally get help. That situation would be better for both of you. If you stay, there seems little reason for him to help himself, because he's able to vent his feelings on you and your dog. I can't imagine what it's like to see him changed like this, but loving him doesn't mean accepting abuse from him. Leaving aside what it's doing to you, it's damaging for him too. Staying with him doesn't actually help him one bit. I'm sorry.
