Supporter I need someone to talk to

[JenniferG]

As everybody here has said, it isn't PTSD, it's abuse and I'm so sorry you're going through this :( I went through the exact same and it wasn't until a hospital stay and the police telling me he would kill me that I managed to convince myself enough was enough.

My ex used to also say he'd kill himself if I left... It's just another way of controlling you. Please stay safe xx

 

[EveHarrington]

The posts you read and think others have it worse than you?

Chances are their partners are abusive, too, and it’s not just PTSD.

It can take many years before a supporter is willing to admit that their partner is abusive and it’s not just PTSD. I’ve seen it happen here on the forum a number of times.

He’s suckered you into staying because everyone has abandoned him. Wow! The king of manipulators who is excellent at playing the victim! And you believe him....did you ever stop to question why people left him? Maybe these people are healthy and can spot red flags, maybe they have healthy boundaries and don’t tolerate others treating them like shit. He’s not a victim of everyone else’s abandonment without cause. He’s an abuser who pushes everyone away with his behavior.

 

[shimmerz]

He undermines me in front of his son calls me weird and crazy when he upsets me

You do realize that that son is going to grow up and your husband is going to have modeled this behaviour to him?

Then there will be two of them, not just one.

 

[DruDru:)]

Dear DruDru,
first of all: no one here thinks your stupid. Your feelings are completly understanda...

Thank you so much my faith is one of the big reasons I'm afraid to leave I know God doesn't like divorce except in the case of adultry, but I also know God calls us to live in peace and this marriage is anything but peaceful. I am realizing now with the help of you guys that I can't change him. Like I said at first he was getting help, because one he doesn't want me to resent him and also because doesn't want to be like he is, but now except for taking his meds he doesn't feel like therapy works, I personally think he just doesn't like opening up to a stranger, so he doesn't go. I am going to put my foot down and demand he goes with me to couple's therapy or else he's going to lose me.

You do realize that that son is going to grow up and your husband is going to have modeled this behavi...

Yes I see that even now his son would try to get me in trouble with his dad. Like once I was on the phone talking to my mom, his son ran to to tell him i was on the phone. Or if I don't want to do something with his son at the moment like play a video game his son would go tell his dad to tell me to play with him. I see it already and I know it's because of how he treats me that his son doesn't see me as an authority figure but like a little kid, just makes me sad

 

[Sweetleaf]

If I disobeyed him he would jump on top on me and hold my head down on the bed he would pull my hair, trip me, threaten me and disrespect me in front of his 6 yr old son

That's not PTSD. That's him being a f*cking abusive asshole.

You and your kid might be the ones with PTSD though, in the future, if you don't get away from him. He's already hit you, there is no recovering a relationship at that point... he is just going to do worse.

Your kid is being traumatized watching you get abused by him.

For you and your kid, you need to find a way out of that situation, away from him.

 

[DruDru:)]

The posts you read and think others have it worse than you?

Chances are their partners are abus...

He is very manuplative and he also suffers from abandonment issues from his mother and it wasn't until I was living with him I saw why those women left him and also why he got cheated on, although I don't condone it. Yes you're right he pushes me away like when I try to be affectionate he would push me away the only time he would be affectionate is when he wants sex. Yes I definitely understand why he others has left him I guess I had kid myself into thinking that my love can change him.

As everybody here has said, it isn't PTSD, it's abuse and I'm so sorry you're going through this :( I...

I'm always afraid of the abuse reaching to that point where I would end up in the hospital I pray it doesn't thank you for sharing it really put things in perspective for me

That's not PTSD. That's him being a f*cking abusive asshole.

You and your kid might be the ones with...

He's my stepson and he hit me in front of him only once since we've been married, and he sat him down and explained to him what he did was wrong and he shouldn't ever put his hands on a woman, and apologized to him for letting him see that. That was the last time he has hit me, I think it woke him up and realized what he could be doing to his son.

 

[Freida]

Please - I'm begging you - stop trying to explain his behavior as something other than abuse...

but I don't want him to know I've told what's going on or he'll make me stop coming here.

He'll MAKE me stop coming here.

e hit me in front of him only once since we've been married,

He only hit me once --- IN FRONT OF HIM. That implies he has hit you before and after. But just once in front of a witness

I know God doesn't like divorce

Disclaimer - I'm not religious. But I question any religion that expects you to be abused as part of the marriage contract

but I'm trying not to give up on him like he says everybody else has especially his own family who he says doesn't seem to understand PTSD or mental illnesses.

Everyone gives up on him because of his BEHAVIOR - not because of his ptsd. Lots of us on here have supporters that stick by us ---- because we take responsibility for doing something about OUR problem. If people are bailing they are bailing because of his behavior -- not his diagnosis. PTSD treatment is hard. Really, really hard. And it can be easier just to give up and not do it than to try to change our bad side. But if that is what I decide to do -- then I need to own it. Not blame those around me for not wanting to live with the monster I become because I refuse to take responsibility for my actions

I am going to put my foot down and demand he goes with me to couple's therapy or else he's going to lose me.

This is good - but I would suggest getting yourself somewhere safe and making treatment a condition of you coming back. It's not going to be a quick two or three session fix. You need to think in terms of months or possibly years. If he wants you he will do the work. If he doesn't - he won't. And that sucks. But you have to remember these are his choices. Not yours.