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I Realize That I

I realize that those who leave you aren't the best people you thought in first place. If they were best, they wouldn't leave. Just the most bitter truth. I read a woman's interview online. She is volunteer and someone asked her what's the most frustrating part at her work? She said "all the best people leave." I have been pondering over this interview last couple of weeks and today I have this realization, if the person is best, person will go to finish the task they have taken. Not leave. It is those quitters who choose to leave rather than finishing the task they took in first place. Quitters are never best, sure they are best at quitting. lol.

I was very sadden to read this all though.
 
I'm starting to realize that in moments when PTSD is screaming at me that someone is doing something bad and that I should probably be scared and anxious and ready to protect myself that it isn't actually the person and what they might or might not be doing that's freaking me out. It's actually PTSD that's freaking me out about the person and what they might or might not be doing.
 
I realize that the cry I just had was very healing. I cried from a different place deep inside my heart. And the tears were so warm they literally felt like they were blood. I actually checked my hands as I wiped my eyes.

I realize that the cry washed over some very old and very deep wounds that have been infected for years. And I think these tears reached the depth of the wounds and the pain and rinsed away some of the pain.
 
I realize that I will never forget some of the trauma that changed me. However, I can stand along side of others during their pain and joy...accepting both parts, understanding both places. Thus maybe just maybe be there in their moment alongside them- if they desire not to feel alone... they do not have to be.

Not to feel totally alone, not made to feel 'less than', just heartfelt acceptance is what this site can allow for myself as well as so many others within the framework of PTSD.
 
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